Archive for the ‘News Not’ Category

Portland Hipsters Can Eat Me.

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

EAT BUNK

No, that’s not a photo shop. It’s a real pig being fed a Bunk sandwich. With minimal sleuthing we determined that the hipsters’ porker is standing on the pristine pavement in front of BUNK Sandwiches 2017 NE Alberta Street, Portland Oregon.

This is not their only venue, and they have a Bunk Truck for catering. Why didn’t they tell me? After all, I’ve already got a cool hip logo for lease or rent:

Bunk Strutts Logo

BTW, Google Maps Street View captured this Babe Magnet parked across the street from Bunk’s.

Roadster at Bunk's Sandwiches Portland OR

[Top image sent via email. Muchisimas Grassyass, Russ.]

 

Introducing The 2015 MultiCar BS Coupe

Sunday, 4 January 2015
The 3-wheeled MultiCar has been around for decades and is featured on many traffic reports. Manufactured by Pyeongwa Motors of North Korea, The 2015 MultiCar BS Coupe has many improvements over previous models, including tempered glass, a front-wheel disc brake and reverse-engineered Carter carburetors. Handling is somewhat below par, and there is no insurance coverage available to date. If price is a concern and replacement parts are not a concern, then the MultiCar may be just the right choice for you. [Strutts News Services]

Manufactured by Pyeongwa Motors of North Korea, the 3-wheeled MultiCar has been around for decades and is featured in many traffic reports. The 2015 MultiCar BS Coupe has many improvements over previous models, including tempered glass, a front-wheel disc brake and a reverse-engineered Carter carburetor. Handling is somewhat below par, and there is no insurance coverage available to date. If price is a concern and availability of replacement parts is not, the MultiCar may be just the right choice for you.
[Strutts News Services]

Thanks to the glory of communism, North Korea has what might be one of the lowest rates of car ownership in the world. Although the government doesn’t release official stats, the best estimate is that there are fewer than 30,000 vehicles on the road—in a country of nearly 24 million people. (Officially, private citizens can’t own cars, but those with government ties manage to.) You are more likely to know somebody with a private jet than a North Korean is to know somebody with a car.
[…]
Although a minute segment of the population owns cars, the rate of growth is significant. In fact, in 2007, cars were deemed prevalent enough that Kim Jong-Il ordered the confiscation of all Japanese-built vehicles.
[Via Pyeonghwa Motors.]

I suppose North Korea could set worldwide standards and opt for energy-efficient eco-vehicles that can be recharged overnight, but you’d have to drive to Pyongyang every night to do it and drive back the next day.

“Socialism/Fascism/Communism works. It’s just that it’s never been properly enforced.” –A random liberal.

LMAO.

Superman Suffers Stunning Setback

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Superman Hits The Wall

(Strutts News Services) Metropolis

Clark Kent (aka Superman) found himself in a predicament last Thursday in the editing room of the Daily Planet. An unforseen bout of the trots compelled him to run faster than a speeding bullet from the offices of the esteemed publication to his Superprivvy on the outskirts of town to avoid damaging the sanitary facilities of the building. Approaching city limits at full-steam, Mr. Kent blasted into the kryptonite-based force field surrounding it. He survived the impact, but it reduced him to the physical stature of a 2-year old.

“I still have all my super powers,” chuckled Kent, “but for the next few years I guess I’ll have to tolerate being called “Supertoddler.”

Mr. Kent’s long time partner (and presumed mistress) Lois Lane refused to comment, instead directed reporters to call the “Happy Times Preschool” for updates.

[Image found here.]

Amish Ice Cutters Rescue Stranded Ice Breakers Rescuing Global Warming Proponents Stranded in Antarctica

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

harvesting ice

[Strutts News Services – Cleveland] Getting from Pennsylvania to Antarctica takes a while, but steady diligence always works.

Mennonites from around the globe are moving to free rescue vessels trapped in pack ice that threatens to crush the hulls of ships sent to evacuate a bunch of vapid idiots whose intentions were to view and compile data on melting ice during the Antarctica summer. The vapid idiots were successfully evacuated by ice breaking helicopters, and they’re now home safe and sound.

Those who volunteered for the rescue missions, as of this posting, are not, and nobody cares about those brave bastards.

EXCEPT FOR THE AMISH.

[Image found here.]

Happy New Year’s Eve, Peeps!

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Tacky Raccoons Be Crawlin' 300

Another year has passed and we’d like to thank those who took precious minutes out of their lives to visit Tacky  Raccoons. We don’t know who you are, but we know where you live. You’re good peeps.

We’re never sure how much traffic we get is real or from Russian bots attempting to break the spam blockade to sell cheap knockoff handbags and embiggification pills. Muchisimas grassyass to those of you who clicked the “like” button and/or who linked to this site – it reminds us that we’re not alone with the Russian bots.

As for those who took time to leave comments, donkey shane:

Amy Oops, Arnie, Audrey, berdi726, bill126, breakroomstories, Brian, Bunkarina, Calo, charlottecarrendar, Cindy, clementinegoesusa, complicatedpov, Dale Weeks, Dana, Dan Johanson, da_truth36, Dorcas, Duane Helton, ed, Emma, Ezekiel Fish, Feng, fluffstravels, Fritz, Gabriel, George Weaver, GP, IzaakMak, Jacky Torres, Jane, Jason B. Ladd, JMKhapra, Joe, John M., josephfromspain, kdub, kirk, laurendarcybruce, LC Aggie Sith, Lindy Jordan, Macker, Malik, mopowerdon, My father too served in England in WW2, NoNamePlease, oddboxcomics, Opinionated Man, otterhavver, planetross, Richard Huggins, RiverUnderWater, Sad Man’s Tongue: Rockabilly Bar & Bistro – Prague, Scout Paget, smartygal, Soylent Green, studentmissalexis, susank456, theliteraryhorse, The Necromancer, The Watcher, thomasnwafor , Tiki Man, Tony McGurk, VE, wheels, Xraypics, yourothermotherhere and zachandclem.

Happy New Year, folks. Wish you the best. — Bunk

How fast can YOU run up the stairs?

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Stairway to WTF

[Stairway to WTF found here.]

Hot ‘Lanta in May

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Hot Lanta

On May 11-12, 1997, NASA used a specially outfitted Lear Jet to collect thermal data on metropolitan Atlanta, Georgia. Nicknamed “Hot-Lanta” by some of its residents, the city saw daytime air temperatures of only about 26.7 degrees Celsius (80 degrees Fahrenheit) on those days, but some of its surface temperatures soared to 47.8 degrees Celsius (118 degrees Fahrenheit). In this image, blue shows cool temperatures and red shows warm temperatures. Pockets of especially hot temperatures appear in white.

50 degrees Celsius = 120 degrees Fahrenheit = flat roof temperature. The red zone looks to be about 30C = 86F, but these are surface temperatures. The 1997 survey recorded air temperatures of 80 F – exactly the average high temp for May for Atlanta. Cool.

In other words, it’s a peachy image of normal surface temperatures for the city.

[Found here, which links to story here.]

Indricotheria In The Wild

Monday, 7 January 2013

Indricotheria Stalking

Los Culos, California (Strutts News Services)
Caught on camera near midnight and under a full moon, an unsuspecting Hasínai girl hunts for edible mollusks in the traditional way – with her toes. A mature Indricotherium silently stalked until startled by the flash of the camera strobes and disappeared back into the deep with a grunt and a splash. The girl escaped unharmed.

[Found in here. Related posts here and here.]

Happy New Year’s Eve, Peeps!

Monday, 31 December 2012

tacky raccoons be crawlin

It’s the end of another year says Captain Obvious, and we’d like to thank those who took precious minutes out of their lives to visit Tacky  Raccoons. We don’t know who you are, but we know where you live. You’re good peeps.

Although this place isn’t really a forum-type site, the occasional comments remind us that we’re not alone in the half-vast blogosphere.

Amy Oops, andBerlin, Arend Maatkamp, Ashraf, azmrmacs, Barbara Swarm, bob-decco, Bunkessa, Bunkarina, Calo, Catherine Andronik, Chiqui, da_truth6, da_truth36, Dale Weeks, Dan Johanson, David (1), David (2), devilintheflesh, df’s puddy tat, doriangrey1, Dr. N. Igma, edrevets, EmmetEarwax, Eni Lidiaw, G Eagle Esq, Gabriel, Guy in Ohio, hahabuda, idiotprufs, Ispeakjive, istillgotmyguitar, Jane, Jeremy, Jimmy, joanne casey, joe, John M., Jose Galofre Manero-SPAIN_europe, justanotherinsignificant, Kay Jessica Critchfield, kdub, LC Aggie Sith, Leeuna Foster, Lemur King, Lily, M. Hassan, macduffer1, Macker, ~mari, mfhorn, midnightvisitor, Mike, Mrmacs, myworldlyobsessions, nonoymanga, nursemyra, Nul ptyx, Pasties, PetsLady, planetross, raincoaster, RazoR Burnes, RisingPhoenix, Rocket, ryankane, scot, site, Soylent Green, Stan, Stephen Brooke, taylorjorjorian, thechildhoodhero, theliteraryhorse, The Necromancer, The Iatrophobe, theuglymoose, The Watcher, Tony Convey, Tony McGurk, VE, Wheels, W. R. Woolf & yourmotherhere.

Happy New Year, folks. Wish you the best. — Bunk

Australia Blackout Dexember 2012

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Australia Blackout 2012

(West Poondongwalla, Australia) – Strutts News Services

Only the wealthiest of the wealthy were able to keep their lights on when the entire power grid of Australia failed just days ago, and no one knows why the continent now glows blue. Some locals blame global warming, while others point accusatory fingers at The Mayans for their probably prophetic Calendar of Doom that caused the utility companies of Oz to hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete simultaneously and just for the hell of it.

In any case, the well-to-do panicked wisely and moved inland to avoid the rising seas that subsequently swamped the coastal regions.

[There’s more info here that can’t possibly be true. Related post here.]


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