These are the kinds of pictures that make me smile. It is also irrefutable proof that not all bears shit in the woods, and that some bears sing while taking care of business. Then it occurred to me to follow some of the links on SG’s site, and I found a map. (more…)
Dogs crack me up because they’re all jerks. Lovable jerks, for sure, but they’re still idiots, and they have no shame. Dogs just enjoy doing what dogs do.
Simple things amaze them. Every weekday you come home from work, and they’re ecstatic that you were able to find your way back on your own… again. When they hear a siren, they howl to help spread the alarm. Throw a snowball into a drift and they’ll spend 15 minutes looking for it before they realize that they’ve been had, and then they want you to do it again.
But dogs know how to play us as well. Sure Rover is happy to see you, licking your face and all… but he remembers where his tongue was a few minutes before, even if you didn’t see him doing it.
You’ve been Dog Pwnd.
[Image found in here.]
The neighborhood kids are never around when the car needs washing. It’s not like I didn’t pay them last time.
Each got a dollar, a beer, and a pack of smokes to split. What more do two 12-year-old boys want? Their parents were pissed for some reason, so I promised that I’d never offer alcohol in payment again. I mean, come on. It’s not like I gave them copies of National Geographic with pictures of naked female bonobos for them to fantasize about in the wee hours of the morning.
I get really tired of all the unwritten PC stuff these days; I never know who I might unintentionally offend.
[Image found here]
“Honey, if anyone calls, I’m busy. See you in a coupla days.”
On the plus side, there are no worries if you run out of toilet paper as long as you’re familiar with the Spiegel catalog routine.
[Image found here.]
Oh, man, this is a game I’d fight to get in on. I don’t care if it was manufactured and sold by Hasbro, Milton Bradley, Ohio Art or Whammo, the pure psychological strategy of this simple game is awesome.
First step is to show up to the party early. Then get the ante to a decent level, and once the pot is there, that’s when you talk about how you practiced with the set earlier. Of course you don’t remember which color you practiced with, as you start sniffling and hacking a bit. (Complaining about a slight fever helps.) Then start the game immediately, and without hesitation, hock up a loogie into the trash can.
Gentlemen’s rules say anyone who quits forfeits the pot. INSTANT WIN!
[Found here.]
That’s right, TR Fans.
Today is International Weigh Your Lemur Day, so get out your graph paper and tally sheets, line ‘em up and set ‘em down. If you use a digital scale be sure to cover it properly so that the inevitable little lemur leaks don’t damage the expensive electronics.
I can’t remember how many (supposedly) waterproof scales I’ve had to return over the years. It always ends in an argument with the salesperson, right up until I drop the bombshell:
“Look. This scale can’t even sustain a bladder full of lemur piss. I’ll show you. Wait here for a minute.”
Now, I don’t own a lemur, nor do I have a bladder of lemur piss to produce at a moment’s notice, but you’d be surprised at how fast you can get a damaged waterproof scale replaced with that simple browbeating argument.
Remember this but use it only when circumstances absolutely demand it, and you’re welcome.
[Image found here; crossposted here.]
Right Click For The Tacky Map!
We’re all Fuldkommen Gak now.
