Posts Tagged ‘squirrel’
I try to find words to describe stuff like this.
I really do.
But sometimes I just give up.
News from The Crossroads of the Nation, Strongsville, Ohio
The following items appeared in The Sun Star Courier on the 6 May 2010 police blotter. The Strongsville Police Department has been busy lately.
ANIMAL COMPLAINT, DRAKE ROAD: Residents called police because they were trapped in their home by a temperamental squirrel.
The squirrel was desperate to get in the house, according to the residents. The squirrel kept jumping at the garage door and would run at the residents any time they opened a door.
ANIMAL COMPLAINT, SOUTHPARK CENTER: Several motorists called police on Sunday because a large turtle was blocking the entrance to the Westfield-SouthPark Shopping Center.
The turtle was taking a long time to cross the Howe Road entrance to the mall. The motorists were afraid the turtle would get hit by a car.
ANIMAL COMPLAINT, CHANDLER GREEN: A man reported Sunday that he was bit by a dog while walking in his neighborhood.
The man said he was bitten in the hip by a German shepherd-Labrador retriever mix, who was being walked by children.
MISCHIEF, COOK AVENUE: Someone plastered eggs and toilet paper all over Zellers Elementary School on Sunday night.
MISCHIEF, WEST 130th STREET: Motorists called police Saturday because a group of juveniles were jumping into traffic.
One of the boys was wearing a bear costume, according to the callers. The group was gone when police arrived.
DISTURBANCE, PEARL ROAD: Two Cleveland men and a Cleveland woman were advised Saturday for trying to load items from a dumpster behind the Honey Hut into their vehicle.
The group was confronted by police after several calls reported hearing screaming coming from the area. Officers found the group arguing over the best way to stuff a large freezer unit into their vehicle.
Officers made the trio put all the items back that they were trying to take.
MISSING JUVENILE, WHITNEY ROAD: Employees of Chestnut Lakes Apartments called police Friday after a 1-year-old girl wandered into the lobby.
The girl had gotten out of the apartment while her mother was in the bathroom. Her father had left the door open while he was going to get something from the car.
THEFT, DRAKE ROAD: Employees of SGL reported Friday that someone stole several items from their property.
Someone had stolen a few two-inch thick steel plates and other materials from the building. The items are valued at $3,000. Someone also dismantled a wooden crate to construct skateboard ramps on the property.
ANIMAL COMPLAINT, LENOX DRIVE: Strongsville police officers had their own version of the classic children’s story, “Make Way for the Ducklings” last Thursday. An officer helped a mother duck and her ducklings safely cross the intersection of Lenox Drive and Howe Road.
SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, DARICE PARKWAY: A woman reported last Thursday that she believes someone is maliciously spraying Nair or permanent solution in her hair while she is at work. She also believed that someone was spraying something in her car.
SHOPLIFTING, PEARL ROAD: Employees of Gordon Food Services reported April 27 that a Brooklyn man stole four boxes of steaks from the store. The man was gone when police arrived.
911 MISUSE, OLDE SURREY COURT: A Strongsville woman was advised April 26 for playing a prank on the Medina County Sheriff’s Department.
Medina dispatchers called the woman back after they received a hang-up call from her cell phone. The woman told dispatchers she and her friend called 911 because she was hungry.
The woman told Strongsville police the incident was a misunderstanding. She accidentally hit a button and did not realize that her phone dialed 911.
The woman thought the dispatchers return call was someone playing a trick on her.
BURGLARY, GEORGETOWN COURT: A resident reported April 26 that his neighbor entered his house without his permission. The neighbor took back a tool the resident had borrowed from him. The resident also accused the neighbor of stealing his drill.
U.S. Patent No. 7,488,244, filed in April, 2007, by Donald Tyler of Cadiz, KY. Abstract:
“An apparatus for skinning a squirrel that is easily manufactured, portable, quick and in which the apparatus can be mounted to a variety of surfaces. The apparatus comprises a base plate connected to toggle clamp in which the toggle clamp is engaged to press two metal tubes tightly together. The base plate is bent at an angle and secured to a stationary object. The tail of the squirrel is placed in the apparatus in between the two metal tubes and the toggle clamp is engaged to secure the tail. The skin is pulled from the uncut skin of the tail thereby removing the skin from the body in two pieces of skin.”
In other words, it’s a toggle clamp. Very cool.
On the other hand, `Mr. Squirrel® looks like a lot more fun. It comes with TWO attached key rings and a handy braided thong so that The Squirrel Hunter in your family can wear it around his/her neck when not in use. What a deal!
Sometimes you’re just hungry enough to eat it.
One story I read about the phrase “to eat crow” claims it went back to the War of 1812. Because there were no grocery stores on or near the battlefields (let alone anywhere), an occasional cease fire allowed the combatants to go hunting, while at the same time respecting the battle lines.
Seems that one of the rebels crossed that line while hunting for food, and shot a crow. A Brit caught him at gunpoint in British territory and disarmed him. The Brit, commenting that the Yank was not respecting the ceasefire, told the Yank to get the bird, and take a bite. The Yank, at gunpoint, did as directed.
As the cease-fire rules were still in effect, the Yank commented on the Brit’s firearm, that it appeared to be of very high quality, well machined, good stock, etc. The Brit, honoring the cease-fire, was flattered, and allowed the Yank to inspect his weapon.
The Yank then turned the weapon on the Brit, presented the crow (with one bite out of it) and said, “Okay. Now finish it.”
[Image found here.]