Category: History

Pirates Attack Venice with Rabbit

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Venice, Italy (Strutts News Services) – Pirates mounted an attack on this historical port Thursday. In classic Piratese, the invaders hollered “Avast ye scalawags! Scuttle yer dragoons! Behold the Cuniculus of Doom! Arrrggh!” as they piloted toward their conquest of the City of Wet and opened fire.

Once the battle was underway, Cap’m Pomello di Porta, with eye patch, peg leg and parrot, retreated to the foc’s’l. “All ye lobsconses hae control. I’m goin’ below to play wit me byrd.”

52 cannon shots peppered the vicinity with what locals described as “magenta e fuscia rabbiti pellettis.”

No one was injured, no one walked the plank, and the pirates were captured and mocked mercilessly by German tourists. A massive Hassenpfeffer was prepared for the victory celebration.

[Full story with video and music here, via Hanuman.]

Beware of the TV Police

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You can’t hide them from us because we know you have them. You can’t keep them turned off forever. Resistance is futile.

[Photo source unknown.]

Mrs. Jenkins

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Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.

Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.

EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.

And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.

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The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)

Do the Camel Walk

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James Brown, aka Butane James, Mr. PleasePleasePlease, Mr. Dynamite, The Hardest Working Man In Show Business, Soul Brother No. 1 & The Godfather of Soul shows you how to do the dances you heard about, but rarely saw (at least not as good as JB could do ’em), and all within a minute and 39 seconds:

1.The Crab Dance

2.The Boogaloo

3.The Funky Chicken

4.The James Brown

5.The Mash Potato

6.The Camel Walk

7.The Robot

8. The Soul Train

I’m not sure about the name of the first dance, since it’s in  JamesSpeak. Video link jumped out at me and made me get up and get on down, from Arbroath.

The Zen of Nancy

Ernie Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was one of the most innocuous yet ubiquitous comic strips ever. It was never funny or clever, it was just odd, and it ran in hundreds of papers for decades. There are many Nancy afficionados/analysts out there, just google ’em. One of the best taps into the zen of the strip, with a game called, “Five Card Nancy,” and it’s not funny either.

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Although Nancy didn’t have a mom or a dad in the strip, her Aunt Fritzi took care of her. Fritzi was a babe, and better looking than Blondie. Honest.

Nancy’s best friend Sluggo was odd in his own zen-like way:

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There are so many pointless, humorless comic strips around today that try to be funny. At least Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was deliberately pointless and rarely humorous, but it was drafted in a tight recognizable style.

Sources: Nancy panel clipped from the Sunday funnies years ago; Aunt Fritzi from here; Sluggo panels from here and here.

Wavy Gravy Lives!

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George Carlin, and later Cheech y Chong, were arguably the first hippie comedians, although an argument could be made that all hippies were comedians. At least these guys were intentionally funny.

But Wavy Gravy owns the title of being the First Hippie Clown. He even played Woodstock, and he’s still alive.

Proof can be found on the Wavy Gravy Homepage.

1913 Waco, Texas

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There’s an excellent ongoing compilation of photos of early Americana from Shorpy. Many photos, like this one, have descriptions of who, what, when and where. Be sure to read the story of “Shorpy.”

“Waco, Texas. November 1913. Isaac Boyett: ‘I’m de whole show.’ The twelve-year-old proprietor, manager and messenger of the Club Messenger Service, 402 Austin Street. The photo shows him in the heart of the Red Light district where he was delivering messages as he does several times a day. Said he knows the houses and some of the inmates. Has been doing this for one year, working until 9:30 P.M. Saturdays. Not so late on other nights. Makes from six to ten dollars a week.”

According to this calculator, $6 to $10 a week in 1913 equates to $124.55 to $207.58 per week in 2007 dollars. Most of Isaac’s earnings prolly went for food for his family.