The Ignosecond is roughly defined as the time between the moment one does something inherently stupid and the moment one realizes that it’s too late to stop the results of that action.
Example: You exit your car, lock the car door and swing it shut; immediately before the car door latches you realize that your keys are still in the ignition. That minuscule span of time is called the Ignosecond.
Underrated comedian Rich Hall coined the term “Sniglet” for something that ought to have a word to describe it but doesn’t. “Ignosecond” is such a word.
Because of the instantaneous nature of the Ignosecond, it’s very difficult to capture the image precisely when it occurs, so some of these images below are actually “Pre-Igno” and/or “Post-Igno.”
Although this “Post-Ignosecond” was staged, this happened to a college buddy who grabbed the “Head & Shoulders” shampoo instead of the toothpaste.
True ignosecond. The dog lived, but was never quite the same. His stance widened considerably, but other than that was fine, and earned the nickname “LowBrow.”
Post ignosecond for this dog who learned that he can’t herd boars.
True ignosecond. Both riders suddenly realized why bikers wear leather.
Pre-ignosecond has passed. Post-ignosecond coming up.
Pre-ignosecond. The guy on the left is about to try to scare the bear. Then he’ll experience the nasty end of the ignosecond.
Post ignosecond: “…and then when the beer spilled I dropped my cigareet onto my lap and that’s when I hit the ‘celerator instead of the brakes! Thank God it’s your wife’s car!” [True story from here via Arbroath.]
IGNOSECOND TRIFECTA! All three had their own ignoseconds caught on tape (four including the cameraman).
Years ago when Bunk was a lil’ tad, Momma Strutts accidentally locked the keys to the Ford Country Squire IN the Ford Country Squire, in the AGC grocery store parking lot. She called my father to bring the extra key. That’s when the ignosecond struck. While waiting for Papa Strutts to show up, I found that one of the rear passenger doors was still unlocked. Momma was not stupid; she deftly opened the door, and without saying anything, pushed the lock button down and shut it. I’ve always admired her for that.
Okeydokey, they’re my favorites again for a few minutes. The 5678’s with Hanky Panky (careful with your speakers, it’s loud).
Tommy James and the Shondells’ version with invisible drums. His baby does the hanky panky, too, but she doesn’t move much (you can turn your speakers back up for this one).
Regarding the Original Version:
This was originally released as the B-side of a 1963 single by the Raindrops, “That Boy John.” The Raindrops were composers Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich. Shortly after the release of the Raindrops’ version, 13-year-old Tommy Jackson, who would become Tommy James, slipped into a club in South Bend, Indiana and listened to a local band, the Spinners (not the hitmakers of the ’70s) play this. After hearing the song drive the crowd wild, Jackson wanted to record it for his second single (he had released one locally the previous year). Jackson and his group, The Shondells, recorded the song at a radio station in his hometown of Niles, Michigan.
When Jackson recorded this, he couldn’t remember all the lyrics, so he made up some on the spot.
That explains A LOT. Here’s a photo of The Raindrops (from this glorious site):
Rockin’ hard in 1963. It is intuitively obvious to the casual observer that the babe on the right does the hanky panky, the one on the left says she does, but she really doesn’t, and the guy in the middle does it by himself most of the time. You can download their version here, but only if you really really want to. (I really really didn’t.)
The next best thing, relatively speaking, is from the excellent Tube Number 1. Tico & the Triumphs’ “Cards of Love.” Have at it.
[Images via email from here. You go girl.]
i b peen n yer poolz 2.
[Undoctored image here.]
You might get me confused with Mr. Yahoo. He’s in a cubicle next floor down. I am Mr. Google, but unlike he, I run this entire penthouse suite by myself.
I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I am also a verb, and a very good one. Have you ever heard someone ask a question, and heard the response, “Go Yahoo it?” I didn’t think so.
I am Mr. Google, and I am a household word. If your child sneezes, do you instruct him to go “Kleenex” it? Of course not. But if little Tommy or Suzy wants to know whose grandmother once advised being obsequious, purple and clairvoyant, do you say, “Go Dictionary it?” or “Go Encyclopedia it?” No you don’t. You tell them to Google it, because you understand that I know everything and everyone that you don’t, and you avoid the embarrassment of displaying your own intellectual shortcomings to your young gullible prodigies.
Then you whine, “But Mr. Google, I can say, ‘I’m going to Xerox this report,’ right?” Oh how quaint. You might as well say, “I’m going to make a carbon copy of my typing errors.”
Because I am Mr. Google, I have complete control over your offspring. My half-brother, Mr. YouTube, assists me with this easy task. When your little darlings are busy with internet research for their report on eukaryotic organisms due on Tuesday, Mr. YouTube assists them with the latest “OKGO” video as soon as you leave the room.
My sister, Wikipedia, helps out as well. She lies.
Do not trifle with me; I am Mr. Google.
[Image from here.]
History of the Easter Egg:
To keep a Christian perspective of Easter in your home, please note the following research that can help you explain the history of the Easter egg to your children.
The earliest Christian history of the Easter egg tradition is found approximately 50 years after Jesus’ resurrection. Bright red-colored eggs were simply exchanged as gifts as a symbol of continuing life and Christ’s resurrection. The red color was an intentional Christian tradition commemorating the blood of Christ. The red Easter eggs in Christian history were originally used when two friends met on Easter day. The two friends would know to tap their eggs together and one would greet the other with the words, “Christ is Risen!” and the other would respond, “Christ is Risen Indeed!” Then the eggs were eaten in fellowship.
In the Reformation years, the church instituted the custom of breaking the Lenten fast with hard-boiled eggs. The eggs were brought to the Easter morning service, and the priest blessed them saying, “Lord, bless these eggs as a wholesome substance, eaten in thankfulness on account of the resurrection of our Lord.”
Our main focus must always be that our children meet Jesus in a personal way. If an Easter egg will bring Jesus alive to a child as a symbolic illustration, we should rejoice in the revelation of Jesus and his Resurrection to our children!
Great song, great ukelele… Unfortunately, the music’s in him, and it’s just screamin’ to get out of the room without waking up his parents. (‘Sokay, bro, I can’t sing and play at the same time either.)
“Have You Ever Seen Lorraine?” Here she is, twitchin’ and bitchin’ to the Ramones’ version.
But THIS is the link that set me off. The Original Creedence Clearwater Survival version, found at Casual Slack.