Month: January 2008

Everybody picked on Bob.

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Arrow Shirts had been mocking Bob mercilessly since elementary school, and they decided to get one last jab at him with this ad. Bob kept wishing that Arrow Shirts would stop thinking about him and just leave him alone.

Epilogue:

Bob is now CEO of MetaInfrared International, married Miss Amazon 1995, has four kids.

Paul graduated from Ball State with an associate degree in geology, and balances tires at a Goodyear store in Indianapolis, married and divorced three times, raises and trains rottweilers.

Steve, well let’s just say he did some really really bad things, and won’t be eligible for parole until he’s about 270 years old.

[Image from here.]

Babe Magnet: JETSTREAM!

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Amazing. What attention to detail. Not only does he have the Jetstream airbrushed via spraypaint, masked it to overlap the brakelight assembly, he has at least two “starbursts” that serve to make this humperwagon shine! Since the shocks are broken, when dweebness drives over speed bumps at 30mph, the Jetstream paint job appears to be straight. Way cool.

Now you might think that the sloppy masking job on the door trim was an accident, but it’s just another subliminal signal to the high school hotties that “Yeah, I gotta hot sled here, but I’m a down-to-earth-kinda guy.”

And just to push that subtle point, there’s the Christmas Tree air freshener with mooneyes hanging on the rearview mirror, visible just to the right of the bone-marrow red front post that accents the antenna. (“Oooh! A four-door! My dad says I can go if my brothers can come along, K?”)

But here’s the BEST PART: The Governor of Dorkland advertises his responsible side to the future recipient of a romantic afternoon date at Arby’s by upending his spray can to clear the nozzle, thus creating three little octopi on the rear post. Pure efficient genius.

Mr. Aerosol, thank you for photographing it so nicely, and for posting it on the internest for our dropped-jaw amazement. And your cassette of RamJam’s greatest hit? It’s in the glove compartment under the used handiwipes with a raisin stuck to it.

[Image from here. More Babe Magnetism here.]

Over the River and Through the Woods…

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Snohomish, WA (Strutts News Services) – Renown whitewater daredevil William “Billy” Bear, holder of the Guinness World Record as the fastest kayak paddler, was approached by stunt promoter Robert “Bobby” Bieber in Bear’s favorite pub, “Sandy’s Roadkill Bar and Grille” on 1st Street in downtown Snohomish Thursday.

Bieber suggested an air-paddling exhibition across New Mexico’s Brazos River. Bear’s custom kayak had been damaged during his whitewater run through Snake River Canyon in October, and he was irritated at the proposal. But Bieber persisted, and Bear, after accepting the wager, agreed to rent one just for the stunt.

Weather was clear and the wind was steady as Bear launched his kayak off the cliff 75 feet above the churning rapids. Bear paddled furiously.

Fortunately for Bear, the canyon provided a lift, as the steady wind above became a gale below in the crevasse, allowing Bear to glide safely to the far side of the river, upwind and unharmed.

News In Brief: Bobby Bieber befriended belligerent Billy Bear, bargained bet (beaucoup bucks, bro). Bear balked, but Bieber bought Bear bourbon. Brave Billy borrowed boat before barely but buoyantly breaching Brazos. Bravo, Billy!

[Nope, not photoshopped. The guy is really in the air. Image via Professor Paddle.
Unrelated Brazos River Authority headline, “BRA SNAGS RUNAWAY DOCK” here.]

Let’s Make a Band!

It’s the weekend. You have time for this.

The recipe was found here, via here, via here, sort of.

Let’s Make a Band!

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. (You might have to click new random quotes at the bottom)

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

Okay. Here’s what I got, and it looks just like all the other
Ricki Lee Jones-meets-Cyndi Lauper bluegrass mashups populating the discount racks next to the records of many other female artists whose first names end in “i.”

 

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Well, that was a fun fifteen minutes, but I was hoping my album would come out more like one of these classics:

 

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Yep, she’s hot, even without “Ivy Pete and his Limbomaniacs” but with the threat of instant depilatory immolation. Dump the dweeb, doll, and take a ride with ElectroGlide in my V-8 sled of love.

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Four musical women, preggo with the children of other spouses? This one bothers me. A lot.

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Paul Taubman sold more albums that he could count on one hand, but unfortunately he was knocked off the bottom of the charts within minutes after the first release by Ivy Pete. What’s amazing is that Taubman wasn’t a pianist, but played a two-note pre-colombian ocarina in rooms with plenty of standing room only.

And what is the worst album in Bunk’s collection? It is not only the worst, it’s one of my favorites:

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Recorded in 1975, Hollerin’ features the unforgettable Leonard Emanuel and others, live at Spivey’s Corner North Carolina. (Hear clips here or here.) The double record set came in very handy back when Bunk was still slumming around in apartments. If the neighbors were making too much noise, I’d just slap side one on the turntable, crank it up, and laugh and laugh and laugh. Lucky you, it’s now available on CD, and well worth the bucks for the entertainment. Try it on your loud neighbors. Believe me, everyone shuts up when they hear it. This works.

 

Saturday Matinee: Oddness, S.O.T.W. & Doggy Doo

Something nicely odd about this one. I think I might be a Maximov fan.

Strangely entertaining: S.O.T.W by a Japanese orchestra. Wait for the vocals. Nice version overall. (Here’s the link to Deep Purple live in Japan, and lastly this trainwreck.)

After those two, what I really wanted to hear was a country/western song about dog poop, and I knew just where to look. So, here’s Pinkard & Bowden, two great musicians that you’ve heard but never heard of (and Bunky ain’ta gonna tell you why).

[First video link found at Kitty’s place even though she was talking about something else entirely. Second video link from Arbroath. Third link deliberately hunted down on the Utoobage.]

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 21 – MoonDance

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Whoa. Time flies. I remember that night vividly.

This .gif shows why we earthlings can see more than half of our moon’s surface. (The moon wobbles in its orbit.)

[Source of that excellent .gif cue ball roll is via NASA.]

The Definition of Trust

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“Okay, now take a left here.”

Seems to me there might be better places to be and better things to do besides serving as a dividing line on a military highway. (Reminds me also of the Sled Dogs Law: Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.)

[Image from somewhere in here.]

How to Create “Man-Made” Global Warming

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Step 1: Get a weather data station.

Step 2: Verify that it accurately records temperatures in the immediate vicinity.

Step 3: Locate it in an area that will drastically skew the temperature readings.

Step 4: Burn your trash in a nearby incinerator and laugh and laugh and laugh while polluting the atmosphere. (For more fun, locate it near an airconditioning compressor and/or clothes dryer vent, and make sure your barbeque grille is close, too.)

Step 5: Transmit the data collected to advocates of the “man-made” Global Warming theory.

Step 6: Deny any and all data anomalies.

Step 7: Apply for a government (i.e., taxpayer-funded) grant and get paid for further study.

[Originally saw this photo in a report on global warming fallacies, written by a girl in Junior High School. She surveyed weather data collectors in her area and found that a large number were set up in odd locations, like asphalt parking lots, adjacent to exhaust fans, etc. I cannot find the original story/link, so if any readers can help, I’ll post it here with credit.]

3D Wii-Lee

Normally we save video links for our regular Saturday Matinee posts, but this one seemed to be more fit for the work week. I don’t have a Wii and have never seen one let alone touched one (no puns please) but Johnny Chung Lee‘s hack looks very clever. Ignore the fact that he sounds a little like Dudley Do-Right. Lee is brilliant!

[Video via No Puedo Creer.]

[¡Bienvenidos a los de OPCIONWEB! (Lo siento para mi espanol, porque soy un anglopedo.) Hay cuidado, porque las chistas que viven aqui tienen recuerdas… Dejar un rastro de migas de pan para que pueda encontrar su salida.]