Lookout Chess! Here’s a true game of strategy. Just like “Connect One,” it all has to do with the preparation. Like it says on the box, “It’s the most fun-filled action GAME you’ve ever played,” with “you’ve” meaning all four of you.
[Found on Rockhopper… Thanx Dan.]
In 1949, George Jenks patented this apparatus “for ultimate attainment of an ideal golf swing.”
According to a duffer friend of Bunk’s, the game was named “Golf” because the English vulgar vernacular term for copulation was already taken.
Without access to the Jenks’ Patent description, it is intuitively obvious to the casual observer that Part No. 168 delivers either compressed Nitrous Oxide or beer from Cylinder 173 to regulator Part 167 and directly to the brain housed by Part No. 160, and if the subsequent motion of the golf club Part C does not please Assembly V, a painful shock to the student’s torso is conducted through Part 90 via Parts Nos. 93.
As brutal as it seems, it works. Only one golfer since 1949 has succeeded in mastering the rigors of this training, and his initials are Tiger Woods.
[Image with indented caption from Futility Closet.]
This is important. Han Hoogerbrugge has never offered such surreal artwork at such an affordable price. He is selling his stickers for the new low low price of their worth.
But before you write this off as just another tacky plug for another more profitable operation, check out Hoogerbrugge’s website first. Years ago when Bunk was still a dialupper, he’d wait patiently for Hotel episodes to load, as he did for the excellent “Nails” series of animations.
HH’s work is surreal: amazing, amusing and disturbing, all at the same time. He’s the Ken Nordine of the Internet.
[UPDATE: Welcome Grow-A-Brain readers. Help yourselves to whatever isn’t nailed down. –Bunk]
The late great Billy Preston had one of the greatest FRO‘s of all time. Preston, besides recording some classic ’70s songs (“Nothin’ FROm Nothin’ Leaves Nothin’” and “Outa-Space” and also recorded as the 5th Beatle (or Beatle Number 9, depending on how you count).
This session musician, with his awesome huge bouncing microphone cover FRO, was a fun keyboard player to watch, especially because his FRO (with sideburns and beard) ran 360 degrees, which reminds me of another Preston hit, “Will It Go Round In Circles.” Actually, it did.
Now, Roberta Flack‘s FRO was perfect. So perfect in fact that besides her many hit records, (known in the industry as “Flack’s Stacks O’ Wax”) she was the original model for the Arial Font’s “Period,” and was able to spin off a nice bonus profit with her own product line of custom swabs. She must have made tens of dollars with this:
Chuck Norris (yes, THE CHUCK NORRIS) took notice of Flack’s success, and decided that there was room for improvement in ear hygiene. In May of 1974, he formed NorrisSwabs Inc., and served as SpokesNorris for these:
(Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the bathroom. The bathroom goes to Chuck Norris.)
[Preston image FROm here. Flack’s image with her brand of cotton swabs FROm Fantastical Nonsense. The Patented NorrisEarSwab FROm here. Somewhat related post here.]
Any band with just three members gets my attention. Any band that only has three members and they’re all female gets more of my attention. Any band that has three female members who happen to be Japanese and play late 1970’s retro-punk and can pull it off in style gets posted here.
Here’s their version of “I’m Blue (the Gong-Gong Song)” originally recorded in 1962 by the Ikettes, featuring Tina Turner. The 5678’s have been my favorite band for the last few minutes, and I hope they’ve been yours, too.
[Now for an awkward segue. I had 3 or 4 of the 5678’s videos lined up and later decided that one was enough to make the point.]
One of the greatest Fro’s in rock history, Billy Preston just jammed. Here is his Fro-ness on 1973’s “Midnight Special.” Check out that clear plexiglass double bass drumkit.
Sly and the Family Stone had some classic ‘Fros, too.
[Special Fro Tribute coming up tomorrow.]
“Juvenile Delinquents might be nasty… and they might be rude…. and they might even be violent — But you can never accuse them of being sloppy. For instance, have you ever noticed how hoodlums always have PERFECT HAIR? It’s no accident… Every street hood knows that looking good is as important as knowing how to hotwire a car or jimmy open a vending machine. And now we’re going to share their secret with you…
“Delinquents With Combs looks like a classic switchblade knife. But when you press the button, a handy comb springs out instead of a blade. When open, the switchblade comb measures 9-inches long and even has a safety lock to prevent it from opening unexpectedly.
“Delinquents With Combs comes in a really cool package, too. It depicts a tough greaser fiercely wielding his switchblade comb. So if you want to look good and feel cool, get one of these babies. (a leather jacket and a ripped t-shirt wouldn’t hurt, either)”
Too hot to handle and too cold to hold, this rockin’ item will get ’em hooked and reeled in when you tame your mane with a springloaded lady killer like this. I got mine, and no, you can’t borrow it, lice brain. Stand up like a pup and put some glide in your stride. I gotcher hot tottie, gonna take her for a ride. So listen loser, the comb gets her home, so quit shadow boxing me and cough up your piggy bank before I rearrange your freckles, dork.
[Image from NoPuedeCreer, but the original source and description appear to be from here. Vaguely related post here.]
Study this photo closely, folks. It’s not as easy as it looks, and looks can be very deceiving. Leave your best guesses in the comments section below. Or not. Loyal readers of TackyRaccoons are notorious for not posting comments (except for you 3 or 4 who do) so I’ll help you out.
1. The color is all wrong. The baboso on the left should have white shorts on.
2. They’re all drinking bottle beer. This is a no-no in a pool area, as glass can break and you won’t see the shards until you sit on them and your buddy has to pick ’em out with tweezers.
3. The table isn’t stable. Those top-heavy all purpose garage-sale dealies are unstable on dry land, let alone in a pool.
4. Tan lines. No one who lives in the region where this photo was taken has the word “sun” in their lexicon. (Photo was taken outside of Minsk. Or maybe Cleveland.)
5. Their music really sucks. It’s obvious that these three (yes, three… see the hand on the right?) are rocking out to Cindy Lauper’s Greatest Hits Volume 4, on a bootlegged cassette tape.
6. Because the “pool” is obviously located on a hillside, the water should’ve run out long before the three boobs got in.
7. The photo was taken at 3PM. That’s night in the Ukraine.
I think I nailed most of them. Notice other wrong things? Go for it.
[Image from here.]
Tacky Raccoons 
