Cootamundra, New South Wales, AU (Strutts News Services) –
In a bold move, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd declared a state of emergency in this small shire of 5,600 after more than 1,500 gnomes were discovered in captivity on Thursday. Many of the captive ornamentals showed signs of neglect, and all appeared relieved to be freed from their captor.
“An allotment of four gnomes per person is unfathomable,” declared Rudd. “It flies in the face of everything this country stands for.”
Although Rudd acknowledged that some of the gnomes were not full grown and had barely sprouted when the farm was discovered, he condemned the practice as barbaric. “These gnomes were not intended for distribution to those in need across New South Wales, but were earmarked for export. It’s no secret that such trafficking is illegal.”
[Spokespersons for VE Imports, the world’s largest gnome trader, did not return our phone calls and were unavailable for comment.]
When asked about gnome farmer and property owner Cobber Bluey, the locals eyed the ground in reverence. “He’s gone,” said neighbor Marcy Dotes. “He stepped over the line ten times too many, the bastard.”