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Posts Tagged ‘farming’

Amish Ice Cutters Rescue Stranded Ice Breakers Rescuing Global Warming Proponents Stranded in Antarctica

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

harvesting ice

[Strutts News Services – Cleveland] Getting from Pennsylvania to Antarctica takes a while, but steady diligence always works.

Mennonites from around the globe are moving to free rescue vessels trapped in pack ice that threatens to crush the hulls of ships sent to evacuate a bunch of vapid idiots whose intentions were to view and compile data on melting ice during the Antarctica summer. The vapid idiots were successfully evacuated by ice breaking helicopters, and they’re now home safe and sound.

Those who volunteered for the rescue missions, as of this posting, are not, and nobody cares about those brave bastards.

EXCEPT FOR THE AMISH.

[Image found here.]

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The Alpacas Are Sprouting

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

With all the recent rains here, our spring alpacas are already poking their heads up through the southwestern tundra. Very endurable and self-fertilizing, alpacas are the new cash crop. It’s too late to plant this season, but plow them in around late March to early May and you’ll be glad you did.

[Found here.]

The Great Farm: Urban Forester Scores Job Measuring Barley Crop

Thursday, 18 February 2010


Tyler Stevenson, an urban forester, measures barley that is growing in the fields at the Great Park on Friday morning.

Irvine, California  (Strutts News Services, Opinion Section) –

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Gnome Herding Declared Illegal in Oz

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Gnome Farmer_Neatorama 090730

Cootamundra, New South Wales, AU (Strutts News Services) –
In a bold move, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd declared a state of emergency in this small shire of 5,600 after more than 1,500 gnomes were discovered in captivity on Thursday.  Many of the captive ornamentals showed signs of neglect, and all appeared relieved to be freed from their captor.

“An allotment of four gnomes per person is unfathomable,” declared Rudd. “It flies in the face of everything this country stands for.”

Although Rudd acknowledged that some of the gnomes were not full grown and had barely sprouted when the farm was discovered, he condemned the practice as barbaric. “These gnomes were not intended for distribution to those in need across New South Wales, but were earmarked for export.  It’s no secret that such trafficking is illegal.”

[Spokespersons for VE Imports, the world’s largest gnome trader, did not return our phone calls and were unavailable for comment.]

When asked about gnome farmer and property owner Cobber Bluey, the locals eyed the ground in reverence.  “He’s gone,” said neighbor Marcy Dotes. “He stepped over the line ten times too many, the bastard.”

[Image from Neatorama; corroborating source here.]


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