Windows Service Pak 3 and stuff…

Windows Service Pak 3_Phils Phun 090818

[Image found in here.]

Folks–

It appears that I got the home computer buzzing efficiently, but I’m still tweaking it, installing necessary programs, uploading updates, downloading downdates, and lashing down the loose ends while adjusting the fuel mix and intake valves.  We’re almost there.  Meanwhile…

Here’s how I got indirectly sucked into blogging. Neatorama posted a link to a joke contest in 2007 that I couldn’t pass up.  Anita Bath asked if I’d like to be a guest poster, and after assisting me with posting for an inordinate amount of time, Anita Bath goaded encouraged me to start my own site.  Old news.

So here are the short jokes I submitted.  Some are very old, some are credited, some are true,  and some I made up.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does almost everything you sit on feel like underwear?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If someone says, “I never forget a face,” how would he know?

Why was the game named “golf?” (Because “F***” was already taken.)

Never worry about being a little behind;  worry about being a big one.

Two Irishmen walked out of a bar.  Well, it COULD happen.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue;
I’m schizophrenic,
And so am I.

Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean that we’re still not out to get you.

My grampa used to say, “You know, Bunky, one of these days I’m gonna wake up dead.” He was right.

It’s a well known fact that 67.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

7 out of 10 doctors don’t know what they’re talking about.

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

I was told that cow tongue is a delicacy, but I don’t like the idea of  tasting food that is tasting me back.

Why aren’t psychics rich?

I came from a town so small that the dentist and the proctologist was the same guy. It was alright, as long as you set up your dental appointment before noon.–Pinkard & Bowden

A dead fly is a flew.
A myth is a female moth.

“It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.”
–Bill Clinton

If your car could go at the speed of light and you turned the headlights on, would the deer still stop?

Dwarves, midgets and young children experience the elevator a lot differently than the rest of us.

I bought a trash compactor that takes 10 pounds of trash and converts it to 10 pounds of trash. I’m getting my money back.

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder’s wife? Neither has he.

Q: “Why do you still go out with that sadist?”
A: “I dunno. Beats me.”

Doc Fischer came up with the idea for a drive-thru vasectomy clinic. The franchise was named, “Suture Self.” –Jerry Galvin/Doc Fischer “talk-talk”

It was so hot that I saw a dog chasing a cat chasing a mouse, and all three were walking.

It was so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

…thirstier than a dog in a fire hydrant factory.

I had surgery that implanted a dog’s olfactory glands so I’d smell better. Now I have to drive with my head out the window.

For those of you with short-term memory:  “Knock.”

This is a multiple choice question:  True or False?

American beer is like making love in a canoe.  It’s f***ing close to water.

I got a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Green Label for my mother-in-law. Was that a great trade, or what?

Why do cows wear bells?  Because their horns don’t work.

Heard during a tour of the Jack Daniel’s Distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee, 1989:  “Man, I’d love to have a job as the whiskey-taster here!”
“No sir. That’s the worst job, because you have to spit it out. The best job is hunting for the leaks in the barrels. You can tell who he is, because at 5 o’clock, he’s the guy with a smile on his face and splinters on his lips.”

Q: How many blocks of stone did it take to finish the Washington Monument?
A: One.

I lost $20 playing poker with my cell phone.  By mistake, I called myself.

Believe it or not: The word “gullible” cannot be found in any English Dictionary.

Human activity is the cause of global warming.

I saw a dog missing a hind leg. Although he could run as well as the other dogs, I wondered how he pees.

You’ll never see your own face.

What would happen if you sneezed in reverse?

If you had a nose on each side of your head, could you smell in stereo?

A mirror reflects right to left, but if you look into the mirror while lying on your side, it won’t reflect up to down.

I bought some new vinyl windows for my house. I can’t see through ‘em. Next time I’ll order glass ones.

Came home yesterday. The toilet had backed down. My house was spotless.

Ba-Dump-Kish

Author: Bunk Strutts

Boogah Boogah.

2 thoughts on “Windows Service Pak 3 and stuff…”

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