Vegan purists won’t eat meat because they believe that eating things that are even barely sentient don’t deserve to be eaten. Beef, sheep, goats, pigs, poultry, etc. are out as are products, like milk, butter, yogurt and eggs. So are fish, shrimp, and other crustaceans.
I’m okay with that. Keeps the demand down so I can eat more for less money.
So, meat is definitely out. There’s no question that plants, although they have no central brains, also feel distress when maimed or killed for human consumption. Therefore we shouldn’t eat them either, as they deserve life, too.
Algea? No. They’re plants. Bacteria? No. They respond to stimuli as well. So what’s left? Cannibalism.
Cannibalism is out for the same reasons as basic veganism. This leaves rocks.
Well, you can’t eat rocks because the ancients (and some folks in Berkeley) believe they hold the souls of our ancestors, and are therefore off the menu as well. Lava? Nope. It’s the blood and soul of volcanoes, and they harbor spirits as well.
Hmmm. That leaves only one thing left to consume. Beer.
And to the first commenter that mentions yeast, or hops and barley, eat me.
[Image from here.]
Tacky Raccoons 