Category: History

Kent State Day- 4 May 1970

It all started when anti-war protesters from off-campus showed up by Friday, 1 May 1970 to host a May Day protest rally. That night, a handful of idiots decided that it was a good idea to get drunk and start trashing Water Street. The police quelled the violence within an hour.

The Police Department contacted the Mayor who contacted the Governor of Ohio who contacted the National Guard.

The next day, the National Guard was on campus. That Saturday night another handful of idiots decided to set fire to the ROTC building, and sabotaged Fire Department’s efforts to stop the blaze by slashing the hoses.

The National Guard was made up of young men the same age as the students. Not much happened on Sunday, 3 May.

On Monday, 4 May, the agitators cranked it up a notch, and someone in the National Guard gave the order to shoot across the Prentiss Hall parking lot from the front of Taylor Hall, the School of Architecture Building. Four students were killed, nine wounded.

There was a lot of overreaction on 4 May 1970, but who lit the fuse? The handful of vandals that started throwing rocks and bottles on Water Street, or the handful of idiots who burned the ROTC building on campus? What about the rally organizers who were neither students nor residents of Kent, Ohio, and arrived by the busload? Unless I’m mistaken, none of them were ever brought to trial. It was entirely the National Guard’s fault. Right.

Although the sub-genius that produced this video and posted it on the Utoobage got the date wrong (a lot of the “documentaries” have blatant factual errors) it still has the requisite soundtrack: “Ohio” by CSN&Y.

[There’s a pretty good 2nd hand factual account of the KSU tragedy here. Wikipedia also has an entry.]

[Update 4 May 2009: It appears that the soundtrack has been altered from the original utoobage. Now the video’s even more obnoxious than before. – Bunk]

Yesterday 25 April was ANZAC Day.

[Thanks to Bendreth for the reminder. This yank is embarrassed for the oversight.]

Ah Pity the Milk dat gets mah Crispy Sweet Corn and Oats Cereal all Soggy n’ Stuff

You know exactly what this is. When you were a kid you were full of it. I pity you. I really do. While I was heavily invested in the Cap’n Crunch experience, I’d already graduated to Grape Nuts and beer by the time this wonderment came along. Here it is in all its glory:

The linked website doesn’t just have a picture of the stuff in the box and the box itself, but all the really cool stuff that came with it, including the “FREE ADVENTURE BOOK INSIDE.” We all have Quaker Oats to thank for Mr. T. Who’d have thought that a mere cereal could create an internet superstar like the Mohawk Man o’ Peace?

[Images source from here, an I be dare y’all to leave a commentabulation on that website, Foo.
Don’t forget this and this. You can also view it in action at the bottom of the post here.]

Global Warming Declared Racist: Rewards Only White Beachcombers with Doritos, Ignores Minorities’ Desire for Snack Food

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Seattle, WA (Strutts News Services) – Global Warming was blamed for the ocean currents that transported several thousand air-tight packages of Doritos to the coast of Washington, leaving thousands of minorities without the addictive snack food. A total of three white people recobanized the profits to be had after a cargo bin spilled off of a cargo bin carrier ship during a nasty storm during which the cargo ship dropped its cargo. The word spread up and down the coast:

“DORITOS! DON’T TELL THE BLACKS AND THE ASIANS!”

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A cargo ship that finds itself in seas that causes it to drop its cargo is not funny at all. Ask someone who has been there and done that. But only white people comb the beaches for Doritos.

[Images and story from Truck Spills, a nice collection of things spilled from trucks.]

Saturday Matinee: Hanky Panky

Okeydokey, they’re my favorites again for a few minutes. The 5678’s with Hanky Panky (careful with your speakers, it’s loud).

Tommy James and the Shondells’ version with invisible drums. His baby does the hanky panky, too, but she doesn’t move much (you can turn your speakers back up for this one).

Regarding the Original Version:

This was originally released as the B-side of a 1963 single by the Raindrops, “That Boy John.” The Raindrops were composers Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich. Shortly after the release of the Raindrops’ version, 13-year-old Tommy Jackson, who would become Tommy James, slipped into a club in South Bend, Indiana and listened to a local band, the Spinners (not the hitmakers of the ’70s) play this. After hearing the song drive the crowd wild, Jackson wanted to record it for his second single (he had released one locally the previous year). Jackson and his group, The Shondells, recorded the song at a radio station in his hometown of Niles, Michigan.

When Jackson recorded this, he couldn’t remember all the lyrics, so he made up some on the spot.

That explains A LOT. Here’s a photo of The Raindrops (from this glorious site):

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Rockin’ hard in 1963. It is intuitively obvious to the casual observer that the babe on the right does the hanky panky, the one on the left says she does, but she really doesn’t, and the guy in the middle does it by himself most of the time. You can download their version here, but only if you really really want to. (I really really didn’t.)

The next best thing, relatively speaking, is from the excellent Tube Number 1. Tico & the Triumphs’ “Cards of Love.” Have at it.

[If that’s not enough, here’s “Shining Boots” courtesy of Finicky Penguin. If you need “Help,” Miss Cellanea will tell you where to go.]

Hello. I am Mr. Google.

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You might get me confused with Mr. Yahoo. He’s in a cubicle next floor down. I am Mr. Google, but unlike he, I run this entire penthouse suite by myself.

I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I am also a verb, and a very good one. Have you ever heard someone ask a question, and heard the response, “Go Yahoo it?” I didn’t think so.

I am Mr. Google, and I am a household word. If your child sneezes, do you instruct him to go “Kleenex” it? Of course not. But if little Tommy or Suzy wants to know whose grandmother once advised being obsequious, purple and clairvoyant, do you say, “Go Dictionary it?” or “Go Encyclopedia it?” No you don’t. You tell them to Google it, because you understand that I know everything and everyone that you don’t, and you avoid the embarrassment of displaying your own intellectual shortcomings to your young gullible prodigies.

Then you whine, “But Mr. Google, I can say, ‘I’m going to Xerox this report,’ right?” Oh how quaint. You might as well say, “I’m going to make a carbon copy of my typing errors.”

Because I am Mr. Google, I have complete control over your offspring. My half-brother, Mr. YouTube, assists me with this easy task. When your little darlings are busy with internet research for their report on eukaryotic organisms due on Tuesday, Mr. YouTube assists them with the latest “OKGO” video as soon as you leave the room.

My sister, Wikipedia, helps out as well. She lies.

Do not trifle with me; I am Mr. Google.

[Image from here.]

Easter

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History of the Easter Egg:

To keep a Christian perspective of Easter in your home, please note the following research that can help you explain the history of the Easter egg to your children.

The earliest Christian history of the Easter egg tradition is found approximately 50 years after Jesus’ resurrection. Bright red-colored eggs were simply exchanged as gifts as a symbol of continuing life and Christ’s resurrection. The red color was an intentional Christian tradition commemorating the blood of Christ. The red Easter eggs in Christian history were originally used when two friends met on Easter day. The two friends would know to tap their eggs together and one would greet the other with the words, “Christ is Risen!” and the other would respond, “Christ is Risen Indeed!” Then the eggs were eaten in fellowship.

In the Reformation years, the church instituted the custom of breaking the Lenten fast with hard-boiled eggs. The eggs were brought to the Easter morning service, and the priest blessed them saying, “Lord, bless these eggs as a wholesome substance, eaten in thankfulness on account of the resurrection of our Lord.”

Our main focus must always be that our children meet Jesus in a personal way. If an Easter egg will bring Jesus alive to a child as a symbolic illustration, we should rejoice in the revelation of Jesus and his Resurrection to our children!

[History of the Easter Egg from here. Image from here.]

Saturday Matinee: I Want A Gnu

Great song, great ukelele… Unfortunately, the music’s in him, and it’s just screamin’ to get out of the room without waking up his parents. (‘Sokay, bro, I can’t sing and play at the same time either.)

“Have You Ever Seen Lorraine?” Here she is, twitchin’ and bitchin’ to the Ramones’ version.

But THIS is the link that set me off. The Original Creedence Clearwater Survival version, found at Casual Slack.

Fish Tanks Wash Mediterranean of Insurgents

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Malta (Strutts News Services) – According to reliable sources, Allied operations in the Mediterranean Sea have been suspended indefinitely due in large part to the success of the “surge” of armed forces swamping the region. Reports from the depths of the fighting confirm that although insurgent forces resurfaced a few months ago, a flood of countermeasures have restored the area to pre-war conditions.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, M1A1 Armor Crewman Lannie Foosers commented that the surge has been a success. “Basically we broke the supply lines from Latakia to Marseille and flushed out the insurgents’ movements.”

Although asked/baited several times by other media sourCes preseNt, to his iNtegrity, Foosers declined to make a lame pun about donating mobile artillery vehicles in trade for personal recollections in reference to a Bob Hope recording.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers sang a version of this. I’d post the song here, except that I lent the CD to a man named Martois a coupla years ago and never got it back. (Hunt him down, my friends, and make him cough it up.)

If you can’t read it proper, here’s the transcription, with Irish slang help from THE Eoin Shalloo, after the break. (Thanks Mr. S.) Continue reading “Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”