History – Page 74 – Tacky Raccoons

Hello. I am Mr. Google.

You might get me confused with Mr. Yahoo. He’s in a cubicle next floor down. I am Mr. Google, but unlike he, I run this entire penthouse suite by myself.

I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I am also a verb, and a very good one. Have you ever heard someone ask a question, and heard the response, “Go Yahoo it?” I didn’t think so.

I am Mr. Google, and I am a household word. If your child sneezes, do you instruct him to go “Kleenex” it? Of course not. But if little Tommy or Suzy wants to know whose grandmother once advised being obsequious, purple and clairvoyant, do you say, “Go Dictionary it?” or “Go Encyclopedia it?” No you don’t. You tell them to Google it, because you understand that I know everything and everyone that you don’t, and you avoid the embarrassment of displaying your own intellectual shortcomings to your young gullible prodigies.

Then you whine, “But Mr. Google, I can say, ‘I’m going to Xerox this report,’ right?” Oh how quaint. You might as well say, “I’m going to make a carbon copy of my typing errors.”

Because I am Mr. Google, I have complete control over your offspring. My half-brother, Mr. YouTube, assists me with this easy task. When your little darlings are busy with internet research for their report on eukaryotic organisms due on Tuesday, Mr. YouTube assists them with the latest “OKGO” video as soon as you leave the room.

My sister, Wikipedia, helps out as well. She lies.

Do not trifle with me; I am Mr. Google.

[Image from here.]

Easter

History of the Easter Egg:

To keep a Christian perspective of Easter in your home, please note the following research that can help you explain the history of the Easter egg to your children.

The earliest Christian history of the Easter egg tradition is found approximately 50 years after Jesus’ resurrection. Bright red-colored eggs were simply exchanged as gifts as a symbol of continuing life and Christ’s resurrection. The red color was an intentional Christian tradition commemorating the blood of Christ. The red Easter eggs in Christian history were originally used when two friends met on Easter day. The two friends would know to tap their eggs together and one would greet the other with the words, “Christ is Risen!” and the other would respond, “Christ is Risen Indeed!” Then the eggs were eaten in fellowship.

In the Reformation years, the church instituted the custom of breaking the Lenten fast with hard-boiled eggs. The eggs were brought to the Easter morning service, and the priest blessed them saying, “Lord, bless these eggs as a wholesome substance, eaten in thankfulness on account of the resurrection of our Lord.”

Our main focus must always be that our children meet Jesus in a personal way. If an Easter egg will bring Jesus alive to a child as a symbolic illustration, we should rejoice in the revelation of Jesus and his Resurrection to our children!

[History of the Easter Egg from here. Image from here.]

Saturday Matinee: I Want A Gnu

Great song, great ukelele… Unfortunately, the music’s in him, and it’s just screamin’ to get out of the room without waking up his parents. (‘Sokay, bro, I can’t sing and play at the same time either.)

“Have You Ever Seen Lorraine?” Here she is, twitchin’ and bitchin’ to the Ramones’ version.

But THIS is the link that set me off. The Original Creedence Clearwater Survival version, found at Casual Slack.

Fish Tanks Wash Mediterranean of Insurgents

Malta (Strutts News Services) – According to reliable sources, Allied operations in the Mediterranean Sea have been suspended indefinitely due in large part to the success of the “surge” of armed forces swamping the region. Reports from the depths of the fighting confirm that although insurgent forces resurfaced a few months ago, a flood of countermeasures have restored the area to pre-war conditions.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, M1A1 Armor Crewman Lannie Foosers commented that the surge has been a success. “Basically we broke the supply lines from Latakia to Marseille and flushed out the insurgents’ movements.”

Although asked/baited several times by other media sourCes preseNt, to his iNtegrity, Foosers declined to make a lame pun about donating mobile artillery vehicles in trade for personal recollections in reference to a Bob Hope recording.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers sang a version of this. I’d post the song here, except that I lent the CD to a man named Martois a coupla years ago and never got it back. (Hunt him down, my friends, and make him cough it up.)

If you can’t read it proper, here’s the transcription, with Irish slang help from THE Eoin Shalloo, after the break. (Thanks Mr. S.) Continue reading “Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

Saturday Matinee: Catfish Noodlin’, Chairman, The Commitments, Wilson Pickett & the Big O

Noodlin’ is catchin’ de fishes widdout dem bait in tackle. Feel ‘roun’ fo de ho in de mud, reach innan grab ‘im what dere. Justin Wilson be done do dat, too. Noah fence.

There are professional noodlers, and the good ones are missing fingers because snapping turtles nest the same way. (Once they got you, turtles won’t let go.)

Then there’s this. It’s cool, too, except for that giggle at the end.

[Aussie friend Phil phound the catfish catch. Chair kick found at Arbroath.]

Lookee here folks… this particular post has no theme, so it makes complete sense to post a coupla completely unrelated videos here.

“The Commitments” was a very underrated movie about a bunch of Irish misfits that came together with a love for 1960’s American R&B and pulled it off before self-destructing. Put it on your “must rent” list if you’ve not seen it.

Here’s the real deal that’s too hot to handle and too cold to hold: The Wicked Wilson Pickett’s “Land of 1000 Dances.”

Otis Redding followed in Wilson’s footsteps. Here’s “Try A Little Tenderness.” Look for Steve Cropper, Duck Dunn, Al Jackson and Booker T. Jones (Booker T. & the M.G.’s) backing him up.

Democrat Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer Discusses Exit Strategy With General Counsel

1. No need to hide a blue dress.
2. See No. 1.

J. V. Lafferty’s Contribution to the World

If you lived here, you wouldn’t need to keep your old trunk in the attic. From Wikipedia:

James Vincent de Paul Lafferty, Jr. (1856-1898) was an Irish-American inventor, most famous for his construction of Lucy the Elephant. Born to Irish parents in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, he received Patent Number 268503, on December 5, 1882 to protect his original invention, as well as any animal-shaped building. Broke by 1887, he was forced to sell her and in 1898, he died, and is buried in the cemetery of St. Augustine’s Catholic Church in Philadelphia.

This architectural gem was built, still stands, and is protected as an historical something or other. [You can see Lucy in all her glory in this previous post.]

Babe Magnet: Duct Tape

It’s a difficult call as to whether or not this magnificent piece of machinery truly qualifies as a genuine Babe Magnet. The role of the duct tape would give it automatic induction into the realm of the BM, but this relic seems to be sitting a a few too many parking lots downstream of the Stop-N-Go store in uptown Tomball.

In other words, it just isn’t advertising itself… except for one, actually two details.

Yep. Rubber doorstops for the broken window regulator grant this monster machine a solid thumbs up as a genuine Babe Magnet. Pure efficient genius.

[Images from here.]

UPDATE 12 March 2008: I’m embarrassed to admit that I missed one other important detail. The seven little white things on the dashboard are either (a) Sun-bleached Easter peeps from last year; (b) Partially consumed rice balls; (c) A used Kleenex collection; or (d) Little tiny ghosts.

There may be other solutions to the mystery of the little white things. I know that some of y’all have more expertise identifying LWT’s through the windshield of a Babe Magnet than I, and I’d appreciate any suggestions so that we can put this Bunk stumper to rest.

Go to the Head of the Class

“Look! Out in the water! It’s a duck! It’s a boat! It’s a sauna! It’s a floating summer cottage!” No you fools. It’s MallardMan.

Fin-duck is powered by an outboard motor. The driver’s place is in the head of the “duck”, where a chair can be put into position when someone sits there. On the back of the “duck” one can take sun. Eight persons can sit in front of a fireplace. In the sauna fits four persons.

Measurements:
Length 5,5 m
With 2,8 m
Height 3,2 m
Height in saloon 195 cm
Draught 25 cm
Weight 900 kg
Speed about 5 knots
Equipment:
Outboard motor 15 hv
Fireplace
Sauna and shower
Toilet and hand basin
Kitchen with a sink and a refrigerator

I can hear it now:

“Honey, when are we gonna get underway?”

“Any minute dear. But first I have to go to the head.”

Then there’s this lovely lair of leisure:

“Wellness Skull” by Atelier Van Lieshout. Like Wellness centers it has a few places to relax. In the neck of the skull is a small bath. The head of the Skull contains a sauna.

If you say so. Like I really need to go to the head to relax. Then I find that it’s full of warm water, just like I thought. I can hear it now:

“Honey, you need to relax.”

“I’ll relax after I go to the head! Is that okay with you, DEAR?!”

Meanwhile, I Love Lucy: