Category: Ignoseconds

First Known Earth Fart Discovered (and Ignited); Gas Burns for Decades


DARVAZ’ HELLFIRE
Soviets found an earth fart and lit it.
Uzbekistan, Ukraine – (Strutts News Services)

According to various reports, a massive gas vent was discovered and subsequently ignited in 1973 by Soviet geologists in search of other stuff.  Some sources indicate that the global flatulence may have been ignited earlier than was initially reported.  From the amazing website English Russian:

“This place in Uzbekistan is called by locals “The Door to Hell”. It is situated near the small town of Darvaz. The story of this place lasts already for 35 years. Once the geologists were drilling for gas. Then suddenly during the drilling they have found an underground cavern, it was so big that all the drilling site with all the equipment and camps got deep deep under the ground. None dared to go down there because the cavern was filled with gas. So they ignited it so that no poisonous gas could come out of the hole, and since then, it’s burning, already for 35 years without any pause. Nobody knows how many tons of excellent gas has been burned for all those years but it just seems to be infinite there.”

Local immigrant resident Joey “Boris” Catawba summed it up.  “I’ve lived here for almost 10 years.  Everything always smells like burnt cheese and vinegar.  Someone should do something.  This really sucks.”

[More images here.]

The Ignosecond

The Ignosecond is roughly defined as the time between the moment one does something inherently stupid and the moment one realizes that it’s too late to stop the results of that action.

Example: You exit your car, lock the car door and swing it shut; immediately before the car door latches you realize that your keys are still in the ignition. That minuscule span of time is called the Ignosecond.

Underrated comedian Rich Hall coined the term “Sniglet” for something that ought to have a word to describe it but doesn’t. “Ignosecond” is such a word.

Because of the instantaneous nature of the Ignosecond, it’s very difficult to capture the image precisely when it occurs, so some of these images below are actually “Pre-Igno” and/or “Post-Igno.”

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Although this “Post-Ignosecond” was staged, this happened to a college buddy who grabbed the “Head & Shoulders” shampoo instead of the toothpaste.

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True ignosecond. The dog lived, but was never quite the same. His stance widened considerably, but other than that was fine, and earned the nickname “LowBrow.”

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Post ignosecond for this dog who learned that he can’t herd boars.

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True ignosecond. Both riders suddenly realized why bikers wear leather.

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True ignosecond.

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Pre-ignosecond has passed. Post-ignosecond coming up.

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Pre-ignosecond. The guy on the left is about to try to scare the bear. Then he’ll experience the nasty end of the ignosecond.

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Post ignosecond: “…and then when the beer spilled I dropped my cigareet onto my lap and that’s when I hit the ‘celerator instead of the brakes! Thank God it’s your wife’s car!” [True story from here via Arbroath.]

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IGNOSECOND TRIFECTA! All three had their own ignoseconds caught on tape (four including the cameraman).

Years ago when Bunk was a lil’ tad, Momma Strutts accidentally locked the keys to the Ford Country Squire IN the Ford Country Squire, in the AGC grocery store parking lot. She called my father to bring the extra key. That’s when the ignosecond struck. While waiting for Papa Strutts to show up, I found that one of the rear passenger doors was still unlocked. Momma was not stupid; she deftly opened the door, and without saying anything, pushed the lock button down and shut it. I’ve always admired her for that.

[Images from [Insert Witty Title] and AmyOops.]