“Guys! Check it out! Babs just showed up with a Tootsie Roll and she’s chewing it! Dump your skanky dates, you’re missing the best part! Man oh man, look at her go!”
True Fact: Tootsie Roll, see, is the life of every party… for wherever Young America gathers… Its popularity is acclaimed by all.
Acclaimed by all 13 dweebs in the advert, that is. The next best thing, besides watching Babs seductively remove her fillings with a brown phallus-shaped wad of sugar, corn syrup, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, condensed milk, cocoa, whey, soy lecithin, orange extract, and artificial and condensed flavors, is an ether binge.