Gimme some Skin
Category: Stupid
Truth in Advertising
Found this nice package lounging around on the Family Strutts Butcher Block. (The FSBB is just another flat surface where a lot of unrelated items collect.) This caught my eye last evening, and I thought, “Wow. A ‘Fruit Medley,’ and precisely 1.90 ounces of it.” So I did what any one of you would have done. I took it to the bathroom.
I stood on the bathroom scale and noted my weight (including clothing, trenchcoat, mudcaked chukka boots). Then I weighed myself again, including clothing, trenchcoat, boots, AND the package labeled “Fruit Medley,” and subtracted the difference. I found that the “Fruit Medley” weighed in at 2.046 ounces. “What a windfall,” I thought. I couldn’t wait to find out what was in the package, and without flushing, ran back out to the kitchen (after washing my hands of course). I opened the box and found this:
Looked just like the package photo. I gotta admit that the package also says, “Our Family’s Best Since 1906,” and I imagine that a bushel of fruit from over 100 years ago might look something like it.
But that’s not the point of this post. Daughter Bunkessa showed me this:
It’s a bag of bread, labeled “Baked Bread.” Forget that it’s apparently made from wild berry flour, it’s baked bread. I’ve had the other kind, and it’s a lot like a cold bowl of Hormel chili.
But that’s not the point of this post either. While I was in the bathroom weighing the “Fruit Medley” I noticed this on the counter:
Think about this. If you wash your face with facial cream, and the cream gets dirty and disgusting, what can you do? This product solves the problem.
Is this a Great Country or what?
Hot Links
Although Bunk would prefer that y’all stay here, sometimes it’s necessary to open the door a crack and let ch’all go out and play. Just be back here by midnight.
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The Rock-A-Teens, 1959, “WooHoo” here.
The 5678’s “WooHoo” here.
Clever advertising here.
Photos found at a swap meet of an unknown family who probably owned a liquor store here.
Coffee, oddness and live podcasts at Rockhoppers. Get wired and laid back at the same time.
I don’t know why you’d want to do it, but if you have to, here are step-by-step instructions on how to “Purple Wash” your dolls.
I reuse my calendars. mini-contest-best-short-joke.
Some websites are updated every 60 seconds. One of them can be found here.
Funky time wasters here and here.
The Museum of Scientifically Accurate Fabric Brain Art here.
Speaking of Fabric Brain Art, check out Clay Pigeon. Kinda like the Onion, only better.
A very addictive time waster here. (I gave up after level 16.)
How many of States in the USA have you been to? Give your answers here and it’ll show you a map of them in case you forgot where they were.
Tuscan Whole Milk 1 gallon 128 fl. oz. is still available at Amazon, with over 900 great customer reviews. (Caution: If you read the reviews while drinking a tall cold glass of it, Tuscan Whole Milk will come out your nose.)
Much absurdity may be found here from Bunk’s previous life as a stray poster for SNTC. In those days Bunk only posted once every coupla weeks or so, before he jumped face-first into the blogpool with Tacky Raccoons.
Saturday Matinee: You are a Fluke. OK Go. I Do.
Here’s a National Lampoon classic, Deteriorata, updated with a slide show. And since you were wondering, Bunk’s God is both a hairy thunderer AND a cosmic muffin.
Here at TR we like the Odd, the Unusual, and the unrecognizable green stuff in the back of the refrigerator that controls the light.
Once in a while the O and U both jump up to bite us in the crackerbockles when we least expect it. Miss Bunkessa Strutts found this gem, and while the song is not remarkable, the video is clever, as are the other videos seeping from the cranial orifices of the band known as “OK GO.”
Enough of that. Back in the middle of the plastic band war years, this one stood out. Here’s the J.Geils Band c.1983 doing a cover of the Marvelow‘s 1965 hit “I Do” with Peter Wolf and Magic Dick presiding. Hope you like it.
TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 27 – Multi Lock On
Incomplete Twinning
This is a Maraca, to train schizophrenics with rhythm to cooperate with his- or herself without fighting. Or not. [Image from somewhere in here.]
But then, there’s also this incomplete twinning. [Growabrain is looking for the source.]
R2D2 Beta Version ca. 1871
Some images are just too cool to caption, but so what.
R2D2 [steam powered beta version] was a mechanical dork even back then. “Tweep Pleeeert REEEP,” means only one thing in droidland, and it’s not nice.
[Image from GadgetConcierge. Related posts here and here.]
It’s National Wash Your Cephalopod Day
Springtime is here, or almost is, and something about this photo fascinates and disgusts me at the same time, kinda like goth/emo laundry. I’m not sure if these are squid or octopi, but either way something just isn’t right. Obviously they’re being dried for either food or rain gear, but these sentient denizens of the deep don’t deserve to be humiliated like this.
This image has been lounging around in our “What to Do With This” file for a long time, way before we began tagging the images with their sources. We’d be happy to post the real story if only our crack team of webminers could determine the original source. Comments?
[Welcome Ectoplasmosis readers! If you liked these octopi, you might like the RoboSquid. Feel free to crawl slither hydropropel yourselves around here as long as you want. Just leave a trail of bread crumbs slime crab shells to find your way back.]
[Ditto to Tonmo & WHI readers!]
[UPDATE 22 March 08: ORIGINAL SOURCE HERE! (via here). Our crack team of webminers just got an extension on their contracts.]
Babe Magnet: FU Zebra
Yet another visual insult for Ford’s industrial designer who came up with the ubiquitous Country Squire. Long before the SUV, Ford was promoting the Family Utility vehicle, even as early as 1947. It was known as the FU for good reason:
“Dad, the FU door didn’t latch, and the heat from the FU vinyl is fusing my Red Ball Jets to the FU plastic floor mat.”
“Well, first, shut the FU, son…”
But back to the grander aspects of this recyclable FU Babe Magnet. It’s obvious that the owner of this prize was awarded the FU when his dad got tired of providing taxi service for Bud Junior’s part time job lobbing Grit Magazine to all the subscribers on Rural Route 4 between Cozadale and Mainesville Ferry at 5AM.
On Bud Junior’s 17th birthday, Dad handed over the keys and title, forgetting that Bud’s Christmas present was a carton of Camels and a belt sander. Bud went to work immediately to un-woosify his ride. He buffed the windows to a fine shine with cornstarch, sold the hubcaps for gas money and ground the cream finish paint down to primer… in stripes. Pure efficient genius.
These days people point and stare at Bud’s Sled ‘O Love. “What the heck are you drivin’, Bud?”
Bud only glares back. “FU.”
[Image from here.]
Luxury Villa for Sale/Lease
Luxury Vacation Hideaway for Sale or Lease
Country Living at its Best. Just 17 minutes from Muley’s Bait and Tackle and Bieber’s Grocery, close access to Boones Road (newly paved). Not too far from R.D.2. Easy access to nearby Fooser’s Corner via footpath. Although situated in a dry county, weekly delivery service for wine and beer is available, case orders only. Spirits are available at Hamm’s 20 Mile Stand in Purdy, 46 mi. west on Route 4, Convenient parking is less than a quarter mile away uphill to the east. FWD is recommended.
All units have clear views of the flood control channel adjacent to the B&O Freight line. Community patio includes the central water feature that reflects the stars as you and your loved ones relax to the sounds of nature and share stories of your recent adventures. Site is fully landscaped with mature native botanical gardens, and is irrigated by mother nature herself.
What more can a naturalist like yourself hope for? How about the wild potatoes and onions down on the flood plain? (Not accessible March through May, and October through March.)
Each unit is equipped with running water, a full kitchenette, new built-in vinyl furniture, new linoleum and carpetile floors, and Marlite® simulated knotty pine paneling throughout. Centralized laundry/toilet facilities. Electricity is provided 5AM-8PM daily (except for Sundays, via four 5000W Briggs & Stratton generators located uphill).
The community sound system provides ambient music 24/7 via battery backup. Enjoy “Hank William’s Greatest Hits” and the “Bill Monroe Story” each and every time you step out onto your private veranda. (A different mix is programmed every day.)
You know you want it. You know you deserve it. Will trade for late model Winnebago with DVD player and 1/2 tank of gasoline minimum.
[Photo & description via Strutts Divestment Properties LLC.
Tip ‘o the Tarboosh to Robt P.]
UPDATE: Snopes has the true story of this image here. ‘Snot what you think.
Tacky Raccoons 