HOT NEWS FLASH: Global Warming Was Stopped In Its Slimy Little Tracks in 1998

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Washington D.C. (Strutts News Services) – Global warming came to a screeching halt for the sweaty huddling masses that converged upon our nation’s capitol on Wednesday, 4 March 2009 (ironically a day after Microsoft issued its Service Pack 3 update that froze the computers here at TR HQ).

According to one source found via Drudge:

“Global warming activists stormed Washington Monday for what was billed as the nation’s largest act of civil disobedience to fight climate change — only to see the nation’s capital virtually shut down by a major winter storm.

Schools and businesses were shuttered, lawmakers cancelled numerous appearances and the city came to a virtual standstill as Washington was blasted with its heaviest snowfall of the winter.

It spelled about six inches of trouble for global warming activists who had hoped to swarm the Capitol by the thousands in an effort to force the government to close the Capitol Power Plant, which heats and cools a number of government buildings, including the Supreme Court and the Capitol.

The snowy scene, with temperatures in the mid-20s, was reminiscent of a day in January 2004, when Al Gore made a major address on global warming in New York — on one of the coldest days in the city’s history.

Protest organizers said about 2,500 people braved the blizzard to oppose greenhouse gas emissions, but the shroud of snow wasn’t the only wet blanket in the nation’s capital Monday.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who called on the architect of the Capitol to stop burning coal at the power plant last week, cancelled her appearance at the rally because her flight to Washington was cancelled.

Michelle Obama canned a public “Read Across America” event and HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan canceled a meeting with the Democratic Caucus because the members of Congress couldn’t get to D.C. An honor cordon at the Pentagon for Afghanistan’s defense minister also had to be called off.

Some protesters couldn’t make it as dozens of flights in the area were delayed or called off, and some couldn’t face the dangerous roads or blustery weather, leaving hundreds safe, if sorry, back at home.”

Let’s sum this up:

Due to the freezing temperatures, civil disobediancers could not be civilly disobedient;  Vandals weren’t able to vandalize the HVAC systems serving many buildings employing thousands of people; Members of congress suddenly became invisible; Nancy Pelosi thinks the Architect of the Capitol shovels coal; Michelle Obama couldn’t read due to the cold; HUD couldn’t formulate more plans for taxpayer-funded housing, and Afganistan’s defense minister is all humpy because he was snubbed.

Meanwhile Al Gore reluctantly admitted that meteorologists and other climate scientists are not credible on the topic of global warming, as none of the nay-sayers have government research funding, and none have served as vice president in any country, province or protectorate.

Pheew.

[Image from here. Related globaloids and stuff here.]

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2 Responses to “HOT NEWS FLASH: Global Warming Was Stopped In Its Slimy Little Tracks in 1998”

  1. christie Says:

    ahaha. SOMEBODY has no life.
    ALL those snowmen!
    aha. corky but AMAZING!
    wish i was there

  2. Bunk Strutts Says:

    christie– If you were there you’d be 4 days into the past and you couldn’t have seen this post yet to leave your nice comment. =)

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