After a lot of head scratching, tooth grinding and butt itching, we’ve decided to conduct a joke contest.
This is a competition for all loyal visitors to Tacky Raccoons. There is a nice award to be had at no cost to you, but we can’t tell you what it is. All we can say is you’ll like it, because the winner gets to choose from a wide variety of awesome prizes (and that’s a big ‘ol honkin’ hint right there.)
Here’s the deal:
Submit your best one-line joke in the comments on this thread.
Originality is a definite plus, so claim credit; but if it’s not yours, at least quote the source. Post your best one-liner here, on this thread, and we’ll choose our favorites for a greatest hits poll vote next week.
Keep it clean. –Bunk
[Update– This is a cool dealie. Added a button on upper right that shows visitors from all over the world. Click here.]
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[Update 27 September: The prize is being sponsored by CafePress, and as part of the deal, we agreed to post this advert:
You can find millions of personalized gifts, hooded sweatshirts and 2011 wall calendars at CafePress – for any topic, interest or brand!
There you go. The wiener gets to choose their own prize up to $30!]
[THE CONTEST ENTRY WINDOW IS NOW CLOSED. THE WIENER SHALL BE DETERMINED BY A POLL TO BE POSTED SOON. —Bunk]
Tacky Raccoons 
Obama.
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This one’s my original:
If you know what brand of beer your dog prefers, you might be a redneck.
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This is one my grand-dad used to say:
Just keep smiling… it makes everybody wonder what you’ve been up to.
(Does that count as a one liner???)
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yellow
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one of my father’s on other people’s driving habits
“You couldn’t drive a greasy stick up a dead dogs arse”
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B.C.– Heh.
Tattoo Jim– Heheh.
Dan– Heheheh.
Amy– How zen of you.
Phil– Ever see it done? ‘Snot pretty.
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I think it was Baxter Black who published a list of cowboy wisdom ‘don’t’s which included:
“Don’t fry bacon in the nude.”
“Don’t squat with your spurs on.”
and my personal favorite:
“Don’t drink downstream from the herd.”
Sexual harrassment accusation – “He explored more bottom than Jacque Cousteau.”
Of course, the difference between naked and nekkid always made me laugh. Naked you don’t have clothes on, nekkid you don’t have clothes on and are up to something.
Point to ponder – If space travelers made it to Earth, indicating a technology gap (like throwing rocks compared to nuclear weapons), why would they need big honkin’ navigation lights on their terrestrial exploration vehicles? What could they not avoid or, better yet, what could even remotely come close to hittin’ them?
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I had a custom button made once that read, “If you can’t get your work done in a 24-hour day, work nights.”
I’m also fond of last year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival winner: “Hedgehogs. Why can’t they just share the hedge?”
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Saw a interweb post recently ranting about a lady shopper racin’ through the local store where the blogger shopped, almost causing cart-related accidents hither and yon. She wrote of wanting to shout at the reckless women something to the effect of “Slow down ! You’re not shopping for jack rabbits (although that would be way cool) !”
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If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
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“Raisins are inbred.”
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Nice stuff, folks. Gonna put it all up for a vote this weekend.
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