The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest celebrates its 25th anniversary today [21 June 2013] at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, California. Twenty-five plus “beauty challenged dogs are foregoing their usual beauty regimens in preparation.”
[Images and description found at the Ugliest Dog Contest Contenders. Note that all of them are members of the breed the missus refers to as “Kikmi Dogs.”]
After sifting through hundreds of entries, here are the Finalists as chosen by our crack team of webminers. Now all you gotta do is vote for your favorite joke, and next weekend we’ll award Le Prix de Impressionnant.
one of my father’s on other people’s driving habits
“You couldn’t drive a greasy stick up a dead dogs arse”
Chuck Gibbs, RN
I think it was Baxter Black who published a list of cowboy wisdom ‘don’t’s which included:
“Don’t fry bacon in the nude.”
“Don’t squat with your spurs on.”
and my personal favorite:
“Don’t drink downstream from the herd.”
Sexual harrassment accusation – “He explored more bottom than Jacque Cousteau.”
Of course, the difference between naked and nekkid always made me laugh. Naked you don’t have clothes on, nekkid you don’t have clothes on and are up to something.
Point to ponder – If space travelers made it to Earth, indicating a technology gap (like throwing rocks compared to nuclear weapons), why would they need big honkin’ navigation lights on their terrestrial exploration vehicles? What could they not avoid or, better yet, what could even remotely come close to hittin’ them?
Saw a interweb post recently ranting about a lady shopper racin’ through the local store where the blogger shopped, almost causing cart-related accidents hither and yon. She wrote of wanting to shout at the reckless women something to the effect of “Slow down ! You’re not shopping for jack rabbits (although that would be way cool) !”
I had a custom button made once that read, “If you can’t get your work done in a 24-hour day, work nights.”
I’m also fond of last year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival winner: “Hedgehogs. Why can’t they just share the hedge?”
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
After a lot of head scratching, tooth grinding and butt itching, we’ve decided to conduct a joke contest.
This is a competition for all loyal visitors to Tacky Raccoons. There is a nice award to be had at no cost to you, but we can’t tell you what it is. All we can say is you’ll like it, because the winner gets to choose from a wide variety of awesome prizes (and that’s a big ‘ol honkin’ hint right there.)
Here’s the deal:
Submit your best one-line joke in the comments on this thread.
Originality is a definite plus, so claim credit; but if it’s not yours, at least quote the source. Post your best one-liner here, on this thread, and we’ll choose our favorites for a greatest hits poll vote next week.
Keep it clean. –Bunk
[Update– This is a cool dealie. Added a button on upper right that shows visitors from all over the world. Click here.]
[Update 27 September: The prize is being sponsored by CafePress, and as part of the deal, we agreed to post this advert:
Email your best remake in . jpg format, and we’ll assemble them for a future post for you to vote on your favorites. Of course we’ll give you/your blog credit, endorsed with a link. (Don’t have Photoshop? It’s easily done with MS Paint; see below the break.)
Send your best shot to bunkstrutts at verizon.net by 30 JUNE 2009 with the title “PROTEST” in the subject bar. You know what to do. Keep it clean: PG-13 max.
Maybe I’m easily amused, but this reeks of coolness. It’s a pan & zoom image of Yankee Stadium during the Yankees vs. Red Sox game of 4 July 2008. Boston won 6-4 on a freak triple.
[See below for the linkoids.]
Here’s the wide angle, and I decided to zoom in. The second thing I was looking for was a guy who probably drives a Babe Magnet: Where’s Waldork?
Game is underway, 1st Inning.
An obnoxious jerk can be found anywhere, and I guessed that the cheap seats would be a good bet.
This section looked promising. Completely arbitrary guess.
Getting closer! Stadium usher in the aisle is eyeballing someone…
Ooh! We have a candidate, and it’s not the waterbed in the back row or the wannabe in the front.
WOOP! DEY HE IS!
Rock out dude! Everyone should be playing air guitar at a Yankees game! Or are you yelling at the umpire already, as if he can hear you from a half-mile away. DUDE, it’s only the first inning. Chill.
Don’t double-dose your meds again, dood. Everyone’s ignoring you (except for the usher, the lady in the red tunic and the one in white southwest of you on the previous image). What Babe Magnet do you drive, bro?
[Link found at Grow-A-Brain. The Very Cool Hi-Def Zoom/Pan image of Yankee Stadium can be found here.]
[UPDATE: HERE’S A BONAFIDE COMPETITION. FIRST ONE OF Y’ALL TO EMAIL BUNK A SCREEN SHOT (.jpg file only) OF THE GUY IN THIS STADIUM CROWD WHO’S POINTING DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA WINS A VERY COOL PRIZE IN 100% WORKING CONDITION, INCLUDING BATTERIES AND INSTRUCTIONS, IN ORIGINAL PACKAGING!]
[This Contest is on as long as CNN/SI keeps their site open, or until a winner is announced on THIS website. If CNN closes its site, and no one has offered/emailed a winning .jpg image to Bunk Strutts at the contact address CLEARLY shown above, this contest is closed, null and void, and we’ll snivel out of awarding anyone anything. By submitting a .jpg image, y’all agree that this is all in fun and stuff, and everything that that this statement means in a colloquial sense releases Bunk and his Crack Team of Webminers from any and all legal responsibility. In other words, we won’t owe you a damn thing beyond what is promised and awarded via these described caveats, no matter what… just a damn thing that works, beeps when it’s supposed to, and requires batteries. The prize-winner pays the shipping costs and may or may not owe Bunk a slab of coldies.]
[Update 26 August 2008: Contest is now closed. Winner to be announced.]