Author: Bunk Strutts

Boogah Boogah.

How to Make Hats: 1776

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Seems pretty easy to me. All the tools you need are illustrated, including a flat iron, a nipple gauge made from a sassafras twig, a hand grenade, a broken rubber band, some shelves with hats on them, a cat brush, a kybo seat, and a toaster. The other items are optional. Another gift-giving problem solved, courtesy of your friends here at TR.

Of course, if you decide to become a “chapelier” you’ll need a certificate from an approved training center, a qualification test to get licensed, a business license, a conditional use permit for your business location, approval by the EPA, workers compensation and liability insurance, and then the union thugs will prolly shut you down before you produce your first “chapelle” unless you sign up.

I’m goin’ for it. You in?

[Image via Hanuman.]

Another One Bites the Ducks: Daily Awesome

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Yeah, I know those are geese, not ducks. That’s not the point.
It appears that one of my favorite websites, Your Daily Awesome, has turned off its lights for good as of last Tuesday. In respectful memory, here are a handful of my favorite YDA posts, in shout-out fashion, and not in any particular order:

Animaris Rinoceros
Model Railroad Slums
Three Songs by Ledbelly
The Andy Kaufman YouTube Motherlode
The Picture of Everything
Koalas Aren’t Hard They Some Little Bitches
Hidden Messages in Leave It To Beaver
Mingering Mike
Ricky Jay & His Amazing Cards

Many others can be found in the archives. Thanks for all the awesome daily entertainment, Chas. Although I never met you, it still feels the same as if I never had. Here’s to last Wednesday’s yesterday, and we wish you well on your long road ahead.

Kiwis Rock: Largest Ball of Tape

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“Two young Kiwis have put New Zealand on the world map by gaining a Guinness World Record for the world’s largest tape ball. The record tape ball weighs a staggering 53kgs and has a circumference of more than 2.5 metres.”

Even though “Mr. Tape Ball” weighs about 117 pounds, he won’t sit in a car seat and won’t “buckle-up.” Mr. TB has an attitude that I don’t like. Mr. TB doesn’t rock. He rolls, and if I had to stop suddenly, I wouldn’t want his 117 pounds of attitude jamming my temporal, parietal and occipital lobes out through my nose. In other words, don’t expect a ride from me, Mr. TB. I’ll give you a push in a downhill direction, but that’s it.

[Good God. I’ve lost it. I’m talking to a ball of Kiwi tape that I met on the internet, in the back seat of a car that I don’t own.]

————-

The only American entry, from Kent State University, weighed a mere 28 kegs, but was captured on camera as well:

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[Top image from Scoop, via here, via GrowaBrain. Bottom image from experience.]

2007 Tessellation Design Contest Winner

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Tessellation generally refers to the distribution of graphic shapes, to fill an endless plane. Think MC Escher. Like you care.

This design, by Ernest Obihara won an award in the 2007 “Tess Competition” sponsored by Pedagoguery Software. Like you care.

Mr. Obihara is in elementary school. Mr. Obihara rocks. And you aren’t worthy to judge. Like I care.

The amazing works of other contest winners can be found at the PS link above.

Saturday Matinee: Happy

The Beat Farmers, featuring the late Country Dick Montana singing “Happy Boy.”

A message from the makers of Happy Fun Ball.

Now for our Feature Presentation: “Happy.”

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 13: Staring Contest

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“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, (DON’T BLINK) 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13…”

[You blinked. The guy is a quality control engineer for this.]

Everybody’s Heard About the Bird

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“So, what do you do for a living?”
“I ride birds. Big birds, you know? Birds that can be ridden.”
“Right. You are a bird rider. What does that really mean?”
“The bird is the word.”

“I don’t understand. Is it dangerous?”
“Yep. You can get flipped.”
“You mean the bird can flip you off?”

“The bird? Oh yeah. Ironic, huh. It happens.”

[Photo with video via l3utterfish.]

Forget Turkey. This Rocks.

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Established over 50 years or not, I want the “Non-Traditional” kind with my peanut butter. Who is this Bradley guy that thinks this is food? After 50 years, you’d think he’d know better.

“WAIT MARGIE, THEY’RE READY TO EAT! FORGET THE TURKEY! WE GOT EELS! AND THEY’RE THE TRADITIONAL STYLE!”

[Photo from Liver.]

UPDATE: One of our crack webminers here at TR bleated apologies for not informing me that the Jellied Eels photo is NOT photoshopped, and that the treats are considered a delicacy in parts of London. The exact same photo, with description, can be found here. (Bunk sincerely apologizes to Mr. Bradley for thinking he was a closet Japanese foodmaker, and to all Japanese readers for thinking that you would stoop so low as to eat jellied eels. Bunk forwarded his documentation to Steve, an authority on matters like this.)

When the Carp Hits the Fan

A long time ago…

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…one of Bunk’s friends got the “Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots” for Christmas. Bunk was filled with envy, until he saw what a stupid piece of carp it really was, but it was cool for 15 minutes until my friend and I decided to take it apart to find out why it was really a piece of carp. That’s when the carp hit the fan with my friend’s Mom. Bunk realized that his mom was calling about the same time and had to go. Yeah, Bunk acted like a woos, but Bunk wasn’t stupid either.

[Here’s the link, via here, for the guy who specializes in great detailed illustrations of carp: Robots and Donuts.]

TRUST

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“What Once Was Lost, But Now is Found…”

Yeah, I know those aren’t the words. If I dropped my wallet in there, I’d fish it out for sure, but not this way. But a cell-phone? Amazing Grace is gonna get crappy reception from now on.

Then there’s Dad… got up outta bed with his chonies and black socks, got shoes on, and hung his daughter head first into the latrine to help her retrieve an overrated electronic device that she’s gonna put next to her mouth the first chance she gets to describe to her best Oprah-watching confidant how she stupidly mistook the cellphone for the Spiegel catalogue and it dropped into the cess and now the battery’s dead and [you go girl.].

[Photo series via Liver.]