Boy, 10, Brought Home by Mothership

Basil Mills, Nebraska – (Strutts News Services)

While 10-year-old Donny Plunck played the time-tested game of “See-How-Far-You-Can-Throw-A-Rock,” trouble was brewing. Unaware that he’d been tracked down by a larger and more intelligent force, he suddenly found himself airborne, and was transported back to his home over a mile away, by his left wrist.

Donny recalled the ordeal vividly. “It was a frightening eerie silence, all the way home, except for the wind.”

He was levitated all the way to his bedroom door when he heard a booming voice from above: “I TOLD you to clean your room! Now DO IT before your FATHERSHIP comes home!”

Donny was not harmed in any way, and his room was spotless by 5:23PM.

Photo via Neatorama. Sort of.

ZIGGY DEAD AT 36

Ft. Lauderdale, FL – (Strutts News Services)
Beloved cartoon character “Ziggy” succumbed to a heat stroke on Thursday, when record temperatures caused an overload in the local power grid, shutting down the air conditioning in Mr. Z’s beach front condo. He was found unconscious and unresponsive by Lt. Commander Lannie Foosers of the Ft. Lauderdale Health and Rescue Division, and was pronounced dead on arrival at Holy Cross Hospital.

“Ziggy was a good guy, a guy you could trust,” sobbed neighbor and close friend, Ms. Janessa Vapors. “He wouldn’t not do nothin’ to not harm a flea, and now he’s gone. He’d trip over my sprinkler hose and get soaked at least once a week.”

“He always looked kinda waxy,” commented Mr. Bob Bieber, Ziggy’s groundskeeper. “He never looked like he had pants on, but his dog was okay.”

From Toonopedia: “His supporting cast includes a dog, Fuzz, whose main function is to echo and amplify Ziggy’s actions; a cat, Sid, who is afraid of mice; a parrot, Josh, who seldom has anything encouraging to say; a duck, Wack; and a fish, Goldie. These are augmented by an endless stream of auto mechanics, department store clerks, fortune tellers, psychoanalists, waitresses, etc., none of whom do much to brighten his life. He does not have a girlfriend.”

(Photo: Ziggy and Fuzz in happier days)

Rest in Peace, Zigman. We’ll miss you.

Jerry’s Diner

Bunk’s Rules of the Road:
1. Always flush with your feet.
2. Anything named “Jerry’s Diner” is an excellent place for cheap, good food.

My all-time favorite (deceased).

THIS Jerry’s Diner in Kent, Ohio, fed me well and cheaply throughout my college years. Seemed to be always open, and was conveniently located for easy stumbling access after the Water Street watering holes closed. There was usually a line out the door by 11pm, and it was longer later. (It was usually snowing, too.)

Wednesday was Fish Fry Night, all you can eat for $2.50, with home fries. Yeah, it was just Mrs. Paul’s with potatoes. We’d pass on supper on Tuesday just to take advantage of the deal, until one Wednesday too many we cleaned them out of frozen battered fish… that’s when they changed the rules.

After that, each of us had a limit of ten battered fish fillets. Period. Half of what we normally ate. Life’s just not fair sometimes.

I think that Hairy Mary had something to do with it. She was the waitress, and when she was in a bad mood, your order was launched down the counter at you and you had to catch it. Her bad mood seemed to coincide with whenever we stepped inside.

[UPDATE 19 NOVEMBER 2008: JERRY’S DINER HAS BEEN PURCHASED. THE NEW OWNER IS MOVING IT TO CLEVELAND FOR REFURBISHING AND POSSIBLE RELOCATION TO KENT. NEWS AS IT HAPPENS.]

[UPDATE 5 OCTOBER 2008: JERRY’S DINER, KENT, OHIO, IS SLATED FOR DEMOLITION THIS MONTH. STORY AFTER THE BREAK.]

[UPDATE 15 FEB 2009: Cleveland Plain Dealer article after the break.]

Here are some other “Jerry’s Diners” that showed up on a google search.

Continue reading “Jerry’s Diner”

Stereo Nozzles

No photoshop here. These pups actually have stereo nozzles.

There is a rare breed of dog named the Double-Nosed Andean Tiger Hound, found in Bolivia, and no, I’m not making this up.

Someone named “Explorer Colonel John Blashford-Snell” found them, and I’m not making that up either.

Here’s mama:

Here’s sonny.

Apparently the Double-Nosed Andean Tiger Hound smells twice as good as most dogs and is capable of 3-dimensional scent detection.

But don’t take one for a ride. The dog gets confused and frustrated trying to put its head out of both car windows at the same time.

Okay, I made that last part up.

Photos via: Arbroath and here.

U.S. Homeland Security Breach Thwarted

Douglas, AZ (Strutts News Services) — For the first time in recent memory, the U.S. government released details of the Homeland Security Virtual Border Fence in action. The virtual barrier was put to the test Thursday.

Two ~~illegal aliens~~ people lacking U.S. citizenship, attempted a breach before sunrise, but were stopped by the invisible barrier. They were arrested after breakfast, and released before lunch. At 4:33PM, they made their third and boldest attempt to cross, raising fists, with swords made of fomecore and acrylic paint.

Sister Starfire and husband Tor eluded authorities for several seconds before the “Virtual Screen Door” slammed shut right in their faces. Both were taken into custody again, and were sent to bed without supper.

U.S. Border Patrol Agent Collie Davis described the capture. “They didn’t look hispanic, and they both spoke fluent English. They kinda stood out, so we arrested them.”

Tor’s only comment: “I lost the Blue Orb of Power on my orc crusher. Otherwise, we would have made it. Can we get deported back to Eccleshall?”

Film at 11. Or not.