Category: Stupid

Bizarre Marketing Concept That Doesn’t Work

The great minds of the marketing department at Volkswagon have come up with this dealie.  The idea is that you plug in your picture, and that of your spouse, and it shows you what your offspring will look like, all animated in the back seat of a VW something.  Very odd, but here’s the link:

http://www.vw.com/vwhype/babymaker/en/us/

We at Tacky Raccoons took a test drive on this bizarre concept, just to see how it would run.  Here are the results:

Experiment No. 1: Sarah Palin & John McCain

PLUS EQUALS

Experiment No. 2: Joe Biden & Barrack Obama

PLUS EQUALS

Experiment No. 3: Marilyn Monroe & Bunk Strutts

PLUS EQUALS

Results:  A pairing between a dead sex symbol and a live possum appears to result in better looking progeny than those of the other candidates, and if I say any more, I’m just gonna get in trouble with the lovely Mrs. Strutts who’s holding a hot skillet and asking me what the hell I’m doing.  Gotta go. Talk amongst yourselves…

Desperation

[Cheap Shot found at Phil’s Place.]

Cell Phones Cause Global Warming

[Source.]

Big Oil. Right.

Lets talk about Big Oil.  Honkin’ Big Oil.  Big ol’ Honkin’ Big Oil.  You know which Oil I’m talking about.

A barrel of crude oil (oil that is kinda obnoxious and rude) is 42 gallons, and a gallon is 128 fluid ounces.  If a barrel of oil costs $100, then a gallon of oil costs $2.38 in US dollars.  That means that an ounce of oil costs less than two cents. Not a bad deal.

Big 3-In-One Oil: Three fluid ounces for $2.99 equates to a buck an ounce. Since 1 gallon = 128 ounces, the price of 3-In-One Oil is $128.00 per gallon.  Outrageous, but where’s the outrage?

Big Baby Oil:  20 ounces for $5.49.  Talkin’ only $35.14 per gallon, baby.

Big Tiki Oil: 8 ounces of paraffin oil has a price of $4.65, or $0.58 per ounce, $74.40 per gallon.  But if you buy a 55 gallon drum for $1,080.00, the price comes down to $19.64 per gallon.  Quite a deal.

Now, let’s look at Olive Oyl.  Big Olive Oyl.  Big Virgin Olive Oyl.

Okay, Big Extra Virgin Olive Oil is selling for $26.00 for 33.8 fluid ounces which equals 77 cents per ounce.  There’s a whopping $98.46 per gallon that nobody’s screaming about.  Why?  Because Ray doesn’t yell at Bob, “Hey Dude!  You forgot the Extra Virgin Olive Oil again!  I’m gonna kick yer ass!”

“But Bunk!” you holler, “That’s oil that you can eat!”  I’m with Bob.  At $98 bucks a gallon I ain’t a-gonna spring for no Olive Oil any more.  And at $128 per gallon for 3-In-One, hell with it.  My hinges are gonna squeak.  Quit whining and deal with it.

Let’s drill for the cheap stuff to make it even cheaper.

Saturday Matinee: Bears

Proof that the news media is biased.  Forget the pier! I wanna know more about the bear!
[From SPLHCS.]

“Stupid dopey trash-rap a-comin’, comin’ up. Whoa.
Guy in a bear suit, with rappin’ comin’ up. Whoa.
Patient wit da video, be patient comin’ up. Whoa.
Babe Magnet, bear suit, all be comin’ up. Whoa.”

[Lyrics from “In’ Up-Whoa” by MC Daddy BS, Strutts Music 2008.]

Actually SoulJah Bear is kinda funny to me, especially with the video editor’s comments.  Kinda almost cool, just like The Howlies.  Here’s SoulJah Bear’s obvious inspiration:

Bunky remembers Dancing Bear in black and white.  Bunky really liked Captain Kangaroo.  Bunky really didn’t like Scary Dancing Bear.

“Pachuca Sunrise,” Minus the Bear.

Daughter Bunkessa heard this song as “I Come From a Land of Hunger.” It’s got a bear in it, too.

Roadtrip

Front View.

Rear View.


My Senior Yearbook Photo

What it doesn’t show are all the little chicks with the crimson lips who were pawing all over me during the mid 70’s.  Right.  And if I could go back in time and change my REAL Senior Class photo to this one, I’d do it.  Aw, but I was so much older then.

[Image created here, from Epic’s link.]

Babe Magnet: The James Bondomobile

Well, what do we have here, but a Pontiac POS that’s obviously in the process of restoration by the assistant manager of the world renowned Cable Car Hotel.   Hmmm.  Babe Magnet perhaps?

Smells like San Fran to me, and since the sun seems to be setting, I’d guess that Assistant Manager Baboso is on the night shift, especially since no sane person would wanna be seen within ten feet of this Babe Magnet in the daylight.  To his credit, though, Ass. Man. Baboso knows how to park on a slope.

By the way, the only other image I found of the Cable Car Hotel is this one:

Maybe the owner of the four-wheeled flounder actually LIVES here.  My apologies to the manager.

[Images from here and here.]

Back To College Tips

Remember to keep hydrated. With a heavy glass schedule, multi-tasking saves time.

If choking on food, this is NOT the way to perform the “Heimlich Maneuver.” It might get you free beers, though.

Share a house/apartment/dorm room with people you can’t stand to save on beer money.

Stay tuned — More tips coming up.  Or not.

We have a Winner! Sorta.

Regarding THIS CHALLENGE, everyone who submitted a .jpg file of a guy pointing directly at the Hi-Def camera during the NY vs. Boston game, 4 July 2008, at Yankee Stadium, won the prize.

Note that everyone who won is named Mik.

Here’s Mik‘s Winning Entry above, but it was not the one I was looking for.  Here’s the one I found below:

Since everyone (Mik) who entered emailed me to complain about the time they wasted trying to find the Pointer, I emailed Mik back with a detailed description of his prize:

A Genuine Motile WR30M “Third/Level Waterproof LED Back Light Sportwatch” (sic) made China, including display case and instructions!

Shown at right in its display case on top of tonight’s leftovers, it keeps time, beeps and lights up (as shown below right) and times things once you figger out the directions.  It’s apparently a knockoff of something made by Timex, but also something a 10 year old little bastard would prize until he finds out through trial and error that “water-resistant” doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing in Mandarin.

Mik had so much annoying fun with this contest that he’s declined his award (he already has a Chinese “sportwatch”) and is willing to donate it to a future event.  Bunk never argues against generosity.  Y’all are forewarned.  Another competition is in the works.  Or not.

[Thanks, Mik!]