Disclaimer:
1. No cats were hurt during this post.
2. The animations are all contrived.
3. The sources for the .gif’s are clearly identified.
4. Forward this link to everyone on your blogroll.
5. Leave the toilet seat up after you’re done peeing on it.
6. Always flush with your feet.
Identical twin brothers Haney and Russ “Harpo” d’Coqueville have come up with an innovative way to save gas by making sure that their ride don’t roll while they transform it into the Babe Magnet they always dreamed of. I can’t identify the model exactly, but it looks like a 1977 Ford POS to me.
Although they aren’t in their official Babe Hunting Garb, Russ and Haney believe they can pull it off (the Babe Magnet transformation, I mean). Russ’ carpentry toolbelt and framing hammer is a not-so-subtle give-away that the finished Babe Magnet will definitely be a work of sump’m, with or without windows.
Film at 11.
[Lost track of this image source, too, and prolly for good reason.]
R2D2 takes your mail and sends it to a galaxy far far away. Then he leaves a nice little pile of scatological droid humor on the sidewalk.
Yeah, I get it. Anorexic Fe-mailbox. I bet the owner cracks himself up every day except Sundays and holidays.
I’ll admit this is clever, even though it’s kinda, you know, um, wrong… whether it’s outgoing mail or incoming. Still just wrong.
[More boxes can be found here.]
“Ah calt fo FersClass ONLY. You not FersClass. We not takin’ no SekkaClass or ThirClass scum lack you. Git you butt back doodah Stahbux Lan, Foo.”
Good God. Here’s how to train your offspring to avoid a nasty confrontation with Mr. T. Get your infant used to him early with this crib mobile. By the time your tad turns two, if he/she gets outta line, all you gotta say is, “I ain’t takin’ no mo’ Jibba Jabba!” and he/she will understand immediately and go straight to nap time, in the driveway gravel if necessary.
Just in case you didn’t know, Mr. T don’ take no poop from nobody in any language, except for maybe Chuck Norris. Chuck doesn’t take it from anybody either, except for maybe Mr. T.
Finicky Penguin helps you decide for yourselves with his awesome collections here and here. Don’t forget here.
The Ignosecond is roughly defined as the time between the moment one does something inherently stupid and the moment one realizes that it’s too late to stop the results of that action.
Example: You exit your car, lock the car door and swing it shut; immediately before the car door latches you realize that your keys are still in the ignition. That minuscule span of time is called the Ignosecond.
Underrated comedian Rich Hall coined the term “Sniglet” for something that ought to have a word to describe it but doesn’t. “Ignosecond” is such a word.
Because of the instantaneous nature of the Ignosecond, it’s very difficult to capture the image precisely when it occurs, so some of these images below are actually “Pre-Igno” and/or “Post-Igno.”
Although this “Post-Ignosecond” was staged, this happened to a college buddy who grabbed the “Head & Shoulders” shampoo instead of the toothpaste.
True ignosecond. The dog lived, but was never quite the same. His stance widened considerably, but other than that was fine, and earned the nickname “LowBrow.”
Post ignosecond for this dog who learned that he can’t herd boars.
True ignosecond. Both riders suddenly realized why bikers wear leather.
True ignosecond.
Pre-ignosecond has passed. Post-ignosecond coming up.
Pre-ignosecond. The guy on the left is about to try to scare the bear. Then he’ll experience the nasty end of the ignosecond.
Post ignosecond: “…and then when the beer spilled I dropped my cigareet onto my lap and that’s when I hit the ‘celerator instead of the brakes! Thank God it’s your wife’s car!” [True story from here via Arbroath.]
IGNOSECOND TRIFECTA! All three had their own ignoseconds caught on tape (four including the cameraman).
Years ago when Bunk was a lil’ tad, Momma Strutts accidentally locked the keys to the Ford Country Squire IN the Ford Country Squire, in the AGC grocery store parking lot. She called my father to bring the extra key. That’s when the ignosecond struck. While waiting for Papa Strutts to show up, I found that one of the rear passenger doors was still unlocked. Momma was not stupid; she deftly opened the door, and without saying anything, pushed the lock button down and shut it. I’ve always admired her for that.
[Images from [Insert Witty Title] and AmyOops.]
Okeydokey, they’re my favorites again for a few minutes. The 5678’s with Hanky Panky (careful with your speakers, it’s loud).
Tommy James and the Shondells’ version with invisible drums. His baby does the hanky panky, too, but she doesn’t move much (you can turn your speakers back up for this one).
Regarding the Original Version:
This was originally released as the B-side of a 1963 single by the Raindrops, “That Boy John.” The Raindrops were composers Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich. Shortly after the release of the Raindrops’ version, 13-year-old Tommy Jackson, who would become Tommy James, slipped into a club in South Bend, Indiana and listened to a local band, the Spinners (not the hitmakers of the ’70s) play this. After hearing the song drive the crowd wild, Jackson wanted to record it for his second single (he had released one locally the previous year). Jackson and his group, The Shondells, recorded the song at a radio station in his hometown of Niles, Michigan.
When Jackson recorded this, he couldn’t remember all the lyrics, so he made up some on the spot.
That explains A LOT. Here’s a photo of The Raindrops (from this glorious site):
Rockin’ hard in 1963. It is intuitively obvious to the casual observer that the babe on the right does the hanky panky, the one on the left says she does, but she really doesn’t, and the guy in the middle does it by himself most of the time. You can download their version here, but only if you really really want to. (I really really didn’t.)
The next best thing, relatively speaking, is from the excellent Tube Number 1. Tico & the Triumphs’ “Cards of Love.” Have at it.
[If that’s not enough, here’s “Shining Boots” courtesy of Finicky Penguin. If you need “Help,” Miss Cellanea will tell you where to go.]
Feline Anatomy
Equine Anatomy
Canine Anatomy
Brown’s Anatomy
Flintstone’s Anatomy
Boop’s Anatomy
[1st three images via Hanuman. 2nd three from here via SNTC.]
[UPDATE: The last three are the work of Michael Paulus.]
Tacky Raccoons 