I honestly thought that we’d moved on from this, but I opened up the “SHOW” section of the OC Register today (8 February 2008) and found Paris… missing some ink. Just hadda post it.
Category: News Not
When Apples Go Bad
All it took to send them into rebellion was one innocuous comment.
“Hey Bob! Bob Oso! Y’all truckin’ Granny Smith again?” The Jonagolds had had enough.
[Related post here.]
Sentient Kangaroo Leaves Australia After Reading About Recent Election Results, Heads for Samoa
[Images from here.]
Over the River and Through the Woods…
Snohomish, WA (Strutts News Services) – Renown whitewater daredevil William “Billy” Bear, holder of the Guinness World Record as the fastest kayak paddler, was approached by stunt promoter Robert “Bobby” Bieber in Bear’s favorite pub, “Sandy’s Roadkill Bar and Grille” on 1st Street in downtown Snohomish Thursday.
Bieber suggested an air-paddling exhibition across New Mexico’s Brazos River. Bear’s custom kayak had been damaged during his whitewater run through Snake River Canyon in October, and he was irritated at the proposal. But Bieber persisted, and Bear, after accepting the wager, agreed to rent one just for the stunt.
Weather was clear and the wind was steady as Bear launched his kayak off the cliff 75 feet above the churning rapids. Bear paddled furiously.
Fortunately for Bear, the canyon provided a lift, as the steady wind above became a gale below in the crevasse, allowing Bear to glide safely to the far side of the river, upwind and unharmed.
News In Brief: Bobby Bieber befriended belligerent Billy Bear, bargained bet (beaucoup bucks, bro). Bear balked, but Bieber bought Bear bourbon. Brave Billy borrowed boat before barely but buoyantly breaching Brazos. Bravo, Billy!
[Nope, not photoshopped. The guy is really in the air. Image via Professor Paddle.
Unrelated Brazos River Authority headline, “BRA SNAGS RUNAWAY DOCK” here.]
TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 21 – MoonDance
Whoa. Time flies. I remember that night vividly.
This .gif shows why we earthlings can see more than half of our moon’s surface. (The moon wobbles in its orbit.)
[Source of that excellent .gif cue ball roll is via NASA.]
How to Create “Man-Made” Global Warming
Step 1: Get a weather data station.
Step 2: Verify that it accurately records temperatures in the immediate vicinity.
Step 3: Locate it in an area that will drastically skew the temperature readings.
Step 4: Burn your trash in a nearby incinerator and laugh and laugh and laugh while polluting the atmosphere. (For more fun, locate it near an airconditioning compressor and/or clothes dryer vent, and make sure your barbeque grille is close, too.)
Step 5: Transmit the data collected to advocates of the “man-made” Global Warming theory.
Step 6: Deny any and all data anomalies.
Step 7: Apply for a government (i.e., taxpayer-funded) grant and get paid for further study.
[Originally saw this photo in a report on global warming fallacies, written by a girl in Junior High School. She surveyed weather data collectors in her area and found that a large number were set up in odd locations, like asphalt parking lots, adjacent to exhaust fans, etc. I cannot find the original story/link, so if any readers can help, I’ll post it here with credit.]
Tacky Raccoons Considers a New Feature!
After convening uncovening the Board of Supervisors here at TR Central, the decision was unanimous. After this coming Sunday, post, TackyRaccoons will may start posting
“AXE BUNKY“
as a new weekly feature, scheduled to appear every Sunday morning. occasionally. Our intention is to provide helpful questionable advice for all some maybe just a couple of our readers on any topic. Questions may be dumped in Bunk’s lap at forwarded to bunkstrutts@verizon.net, or posted below in the response section. We’ll collect them, chuckle to ourselves, and respond within 24 hours in a future post.
Forward your question(s), include your first name only, your city and state/province/country, and we’ll see how it goes. No email addresses or actual names shall be posted, so it’s all anonymous, and all in fun.
TR reserves the right to accept or reject any submissions, and to edit them, or not. There is no implied guarantee that any submittal will be used in future posts. Email a self-addressed stamped envelope if you want your submittal to be returned unused so you may forward it to another site.
[Image from here. Apparently it’s an early French typewriter, odd in that the typist couldn’t see what was typed until the page was removed and turned over. Minor design flaw. Kinda like this post.]
Washington D.C. Protest Changes the Course of Something
Washington, D.C. (Strutts News Services) – About 62 lifelong members of the CCTF (Clan of the Cheeto Task Force) arrived in Washington D.C. on Thursday to demonstrate for the right to eat puffed corn-based products known to have very little nutritional value, but that taste so good you could eat a bag in an hour.
In lieu of conspicuous consumption, the CCTF protesters dressed as actual human-sized cheetos, and in lifelike realism, withered row-by-row in the steady rain just to make their point.
When asked about that point, organizer Robert “Bobby” Bieber stated that the production of the cheese flavored junk food is under attack by the pro-ethanol lobby.
“They want to take our corn away! They want to take our trans-fats away! They want to take our fluorescent orange powdery stuff that tastes kinda like cheese away! Are you blind, man?!”
As the rain fell steadily, and the “cheetos” eroded in a natural fashion, the protest disbanded by 4PM due to a severe outbreak of the munchies.
Bunk Speaks
Folks,
We’ve noticed a few broken links on past posts. If any of you happen to notice videos that don’t play, images that don’t load, lettuce know, and we’ll do our best to fix ’em. YouTube is kinda notorious for pulling videos, and if they yank ’em, we won’t know unless you tell us. Leave a comment on the post with the damaged linkage and we’ll give it a bandage, because, after all, readers of TackyRaccoons visit this site for perfection, and you rock.
Bunk
P.S. TackyRacoons made it past the first cut for January at www.iblogcup.com. 2nd elimination round is going on so vote once a day, but only if you really want to. Maybe we’ll win a cupcake or something. If so, we’ll share it with you because we like to share. It’s just the way we are. Sometimes.
[UPDATE: Tacky Raccoons came in 4th place in January, but there were apparently some shenanigans going on according to the webmaster. Sorry, no cupcake.]
Caption Contest Finalists: What You’ve All Been Waiting For!
The number of responses we received for our very last Caption Contest was overwhelming, approximately 200% over our initial estimate! What a turnout!
We said we would do something with the entries, and since a prize was promised, it just wouldn’t be right to delete the post entirely. After several minutes of careful analysis and consideration, we decided to select the best of the top four captions as randomly as possible. So here are the candidates, in alphabotanical odor:
1. Dan: “The tread of the slipper was also very odd…”
2. Diesel: “After many setbacks, in 2008 the Boeing Corporation released the first fully functional hovercat.”
3. DUDR_1: “Next stop, CAT LAND!!!”
4. Finicky Penguin: “They knew he was up to something when he glued the cat to the 1-way mirror.”
Through the magic of computer technology, and rather than conduct a poll, we decided to use the random password generator to make the final decision. The first numeral, either 1, 2, 3 or 4, that appears in the first random password is the official winner. The prize is a password to download free cool stuff. So here we go:
e!jh'(}cC13R>Lk4″(H7zGZjF#uwCFVd6k6EH*$tmy3y(H|9uxLdXU70/X/%zUA
As candidate No. 1, Dan is the official winner of the password that allows him to download the coveted Free Cool Stuff and to rock out with bragging rights forevermore! God are we glad this is over with. And, Dan, the TR Grand Prize Van should be arriving at your driveway sometime after midnight tonight to personally deliver your password. Wait at the curb and wear a red carnation. We’ll see you there!
Tacky Raccoons 