Category: Retro & Vintage

Saturday Matinee: Ken Nordine’s Word Jazz

Ken Nordine… the voice, the guy you’ve heard, but never knew it…

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Best of Word Jazz is available on cd via Rhino Records. Ken Nordine’s late 1950’s and early ’60’s work is bizarre. Here’s Bunk’s review [from Amazon] a few years ago:

“Late at night, toss this into your cd player, press pause.

“Turn off the lights.

“Turn on the TV. Turn off the sound. Flip to channel 3…

“Static…

“Hit play attention…

“Ken Nordine is the comforting yet oddly disturbing voice in your head that you try to ignore, but can’t; he’s the Twilight Zone for your ears.”

But don’t take my word for it. The liner notes include this gem of a description:

“Ken Nordine, yea I know that guy. I heard his voice 1000 times, he’s the guy in the bus station that says “go ahead I’ll keep an eye on your stuff for you,” and you see him the next day walking around town wearing your clothes. He broadcasts from the boiler room of the Wilmont Hotel with 50,000 watts of power. I know that voice, he’s the guy with the pitchfork in your head saying go ahead and jump, and he’s the ambulance driver who tells you you’re going to pull thru. He’s the guy in the control tower who talked you down in a storm with a hole in your fuselage and both engines on fire. I heard him barking thru the Rose Alley Carnival strobe as samurai firemen were pulling hose. Yea he’s the dispatcher with the heart of gold, the only guy up this late on the suicide hotline. Ken Nordine is the real angel sitting on the wire in the tangled matrix of cobwebs that holds the whole attic together. Yea Ken Nordine, he’s the switchboard operator at the Taft Hotel, the only place in town you can get a drink at this hour. You know Ken Nordine, he’s the lite in the icebox, he’s the blacksmith on the anvil in your ear.” –Tom Waits, 1990

For some reason, I have this subtle urge to buy 501 Jeans…

Mr.T Done NeeNo JibbaJabba Boutis Socks.

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1. Done gimme no jibbajabba, foo.

2. See Commandment above, foo.

3. Ah pity da foo done unnastan nummas ONE an TWO.

4. Ah done harley wanna touch dis green-shirt-wearin foo. He smell funny. An keep dose joov-nall-matchin-sock-foos behinda fents.

[Excellent album cover find from (the late) Your Daily Awesome. More Mr.T excellence may be found here and here. Oh yeah. Here, too.]

How to Make Hats: 1776

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Seems pretty easy to me. All the tools you need are illustrated, including a flat iron, a nipple gauge made from a sassafras twig, a hand grenade, a broken rubber band, some shelves with hats on them, a cat brush, a kybo seat, and a toaster. The other items are optional. Another gift-giving problem solved, courtesy of your friends here at TR.

Of course, if you decide to become a “chapelier” you’ll need a certificate from an approved training center, a qualification test to get licensed, a business license, a conditional use permit for your business location, approval by the EPA, workers compensation and liability insurance, and then the union thugs will prolly shut you down before you produce your first “chapelle” unless you sign up.

I’m goin’ for it. You in?

[Image via Hanuman.]

Another One Bites the Ducks: Daily Awesome

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Yeah, I know those are geese, not ducks. That’s not the point.
It appears that one of my favorite websites, Your Daily Awesome, has turned off its lights for good as of last Tuesday. In respectful memory, here are a handful of my favorite YDA posts, in shout-out fashion, and not in any particular order:

Animaris Rinoceros
Model Railroad Slums
Three Songs by Ledbelly
The Andy Kaufman YouTube Motherlode
The Picture of Everything
Koalas Aren’t Hard They Some Little Bitches
Hidden Messages in Leave It To Beaver
Mingering Mike
Ricky Jay & His Amazing Cards

Many others can be found in the archives. Thanks for all the awesome daily entertainment, Chas. Although I never met you, it still feels the same as if I never had. Here’s to last Wednesday’s yesterday, and we wish you well on your long road ahead.

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 13: Staring Contest

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“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, (DON’T BLINK) 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13…”

[You blinked. The guy is a quality control engineer for this.]

When the Carp Hits the Fan

A long time ago…

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…one of Bunk’s friends got the “Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots” for Christmas. Bunk was filled with envy, until he saw what a stupid piece of carp it really was, but it was cool for 15 minutes until my friend and I decided to take it apart to find out why it was really a piece of carp. That’s when the carp hit the fan with my friend’s Mom. Bunk realized that his mom was calling about the same time and had to go. Yeah, Bunk acted like a woos, but Bunk wasn’t stupid either.

[Here’s the link, via here, for the guy who specializes in great detailed illustrations of carp: Robots and Donuts.]

Tastes Like Chicken

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You might think that’s pork, but it snot.
Future Senator/Congressman in training.

[Photo via Growabrain.]

Andy Loomis’ Twenty Kids

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Andrew Loomis was a successful graphic artist that authored several excellent “how to” books on illustration in a variety of media. The page above is from “Fun With A Pencil,” a book my grandfather had that I memorized when I was a young tad.

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First published in 1939, this book has all the basics of graphic design covered, with an emphasis on cartooning and caricature of the human form. Proportion, balance, lighting, perspective are all covered with graphic examples.

I had forgotten about the book until Loomis’ name popped up at Neatorama and memory bells went off in my brain… couldn’t be the same Loomis, but it was.

Now his books, including his first one “Fun With A Pencil,” may be downloaded for free via link found at Process Junkie. The download is a .rar zip file with every page in .pdf format. I had to chase down another shareware program to open it. Believe me, the trouble is worth it.

Red Sox’ Ballcaps are Full of It

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Cincinnati, Ohio, Crosley Field – (Strutts News Services)
Red Sox relief pitcher Lannie Foosers was dismayed to find a flaw in the SoxBox of Secret Weapons. In order to “Run Faster, Jump Higher,” team management outfitted all players with baseball caps (head caps for baseball) manufactured by Keds and made entirely of Flubber.

Almost entirely. The revolutionary headgear, designed to be worn on the head as gear, was manufactured with Type X-WR Velcro, a combination of common Velcro infused with SuperGlue. The resulting chemical product was intended to secure the gear to a player’s pate to enhance his performance, without detection.

Mr. Foosers, while airborne, managed to detach his cap from his head and avoid a potentially life threatening situation.

Bob “The Bobster” Bieber (RF, bats left, no record to speak of) bruised his head repeatedly on the concrete ceiling of the dugout before Foosers became airborne. The caps were painfully removed from the rest of the team and no other problems were reported.

The Red Sox went on to win the exhibition game against the East Overshoe (PA) Scorpions of something to something else in extra innings, and nobody cared. Ditto.

[Photo via Drudge.]

Greetings Red Sox Faithful Readers.
Stick around as often as you like. -Bunk

Saturday Matinee: One Domino Trashes a Town, and unrelated stuff

According to Arbroath, this was Guiness’ most expensive television advertisement to date, costing 10m pounds (about $2.1 million US bucks). Filmed in a village in Argentina, the whole town came out to watch. If our crack webminers can find a link to a “making of” video, we’ll update this post, but it’s more likely we’ll just tip a stout and be done with it.

Totally unrelated to the video above, our crack webminers turned up a video from 1970, from the Flip Wilson Show. This broadcast changed my life… or at least a good part of it.

The band appeared at Woodstock. Yes, that Woodstock, 1969. These guys played alongside Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Crosby Stills & Nash, Mountain, Arlo Guthrie, Country Joe & the Finch, Richie Havens, Carlos Santana, Joni Mitchell, Melanie, Joan B. Depressed, Bobby Bieber and the SlimJims, Brittney Spears, etc.

Bunk was too young to attend Woodstock, but Bunk was allowed to watch TV. This is what Bunky witnessed at his grandparents house and loved it. ShaNaNa was IT.

This was Bunk’s introduction to DooWop. ShaNaNa sent me on a mission to hear the original versions by the Marcels, the Paragons, Dion, Gene Chandler, the Isley Brothers, the Zodiacs, the Del-Vikings, the Chips, the Chords, the Channels, Harvey & the Moonglows, Shep and the Limelights, the Ronnettes, the Shirelles, Leon Redbone, Led Zeppelin, Dread Zeppelin, Bob Marley and the Wailers, the Police, the Ramones, Elvis Costello, Tom Waits, the Sensational Alex Harvey Band, the Stray Cats, Frank Zappa, the Aquabats, the Skatalites, Moms Mabley and the Beat Farmers (featuring the late Country Dick Montana)… and not necessarily in that order. Oh, and I forgot the Solid Voidz featuring Big Don P.

Fill in the band(s) I might have missed in the comments section.