Ignore the rust, ignore the primer. The duct tape AND fiberglass tapeworms give this gas-guzzling lolmobile immediate qualifications as a genuine candidate. Say we ignore that awesomeness – the bungie bumper supports are a stand alone double-whammy for inclusion in the esteemed category known around these parts as Babe Magnets. Congrats are in order.
[Found here.]
[via Weasel Zippers]
Everywhere is freaks and hairies, dykes and fairies. Tell me where is sanity? Tax the rich, feed the poor, ’til there aren’t no rich no more. I’d love to change the world, but I don’t know what to do. – Alvin Lee
Yep, they’re changing the world all right, one failed beat at a time. Truth is, the guy’s got no rhythm – he’s a beat off – and if that were a real Benjamin in his pocket he’d be chasing after the dork who lifted it. Capitalism!
[Related post here.]
Wow. I’ve been looking for a dozen assorted Inflatable Snake Swords for years, if only to have a crazy sword fight. If you swing one ISS and miss, the snakehead homes in on and bites your enemy right in the crackerbockles before deflating. Ouch. Crazy.
On the other hand, these Light-Up Expando Swords come with a built-in choking hazard. Swing one at your enemy and it breaks up into little weaponettes that fly screaming right down his/her/its throat. These weapons of mass illumination go for $14.99/dozen, so maybe they’re better for self defense after all, but they’re definitely not assorted.
Foam Swords + Duct Tape are an entirely different class of weaponry, to be covered in a future post. Meanwhile, don’t mess with ANYONE who displays little cows with crescent moons on his/her foam sword sheath. These people are dangerous, and THEY play for keeps.
When planning to turn a lame ride into something truly sucky, there are only four words to remember: Corrugated Cardboard ‘N’ Duct Tape. (The “N” word doesn’t count.)
So how do we analyze this pathetic attempt at true Babe Magnetage? Hard to say. But there are three likely scenarios.
1. The owner of this Ford POS has absolutely no budget, but works in a parts warehouse with lots of, um, materials at hand. He’s your run-of-the-mill petty thief, specializing in recyclables, and dreams about the world of industrial design while wishing he worked in a fiberglass plant;
2. The owner of the Ford POS got peer-punked by co-dorks who had some off-time when the local Arby’s closed, and decided to give him a high school graduation present consisting of one last mockery;
3. The owner of the Ford POS is a boob who ran out of spray paint to finish it off before attempting to sell the Ford POS on Ebay as an Eddie Bauer Edition.
We predict the project will be abandoned while still in its infancy.
The cardboard spoiler and skirts will be torn off leaving big ol’ honkin’ duct tape marks where the paint used to be, and the owner of the Ford POS will decide to up the ante for True Babe Magnet Status (think flat black spraypaint finish with green and orange fluorescent spackle flames) before he dumps it off on his gullible younger brother for an amount that will take him years to pay off.
Pure efficient genius.
[Image found here. Excellent collection of more Babe Magnetage here.]
P.S. I keep forgetting to use the forbidden word “retarded.”
Right Click For The Tacky Map!
We’re all Fuldkommen Gak now.
Fight Blogslutting. (Psst. Hey, buddy. Got a Buck 4 a Bunk? A dime a day keeps the meerkats away. Cutesy little standy-uppy weasel-lookin' bastards.)
