Tag: raising

Gnome Herding Declared Illegal in Oz

Gnome Farmer_Neatorama 090730

Cootamundra, New South Wales, AU (Strutts News Services) –
In a bold move, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd declared a state of emergency in this small shire of 5,600 after more than 1,500 gnomes were discovered in captivity on Thursday.  Many of the captive ornamentals showed signs of neglect, and all appeared relieved to be freed from their captor.

“An allotment of four gnomes per person is unfathomable,” declared Rudd. “It flies in the face of everything this country stands for.”

Although Rudd acknowledged that some of the gnomes were not full grown and had barely sprouted when the farm was discovered, he condemned the practice as barbaric. “These gnomes were not intended for distribution to those in need across New South Wales, but were earmarked for export.  It’s no secret that such trafficking is illegal.”

[Spokespersons for VE Imports, the world’s largest gnome trader, did not return our phone calls and were unavailable for comment.]

When asked about gnome farmer and property owner Cobber Bluey, the locals eyed the ground in reverence.  “He’s gone,” said neighbor Marcy Dotes. “He stepped over the line ten times too many, the bastard.”

[Image from Neatorama; corroborating source here.]

Growing Dogs: Part 1 – Planting

Pisgah, Ohio (Strutts News Services) – Anyone who has tried to raise big dogs in the city understands the difficulties involved.  One authority, Ms. Tooncie Crumbler, has beat the odds and raised several healthy crops of Retrievers Golden outside her flat in downtown Pisgah.

“Assuming you start with good stock, all it takes are a few clippings, good soil, and bone meal mulch to get ’em to take root and prosper,” said Ms. Crumbler, 78.  “Then you have to keep them watered.  They do better in the shade, otherwise they tend to wither, and you have to crop ’em back occasionally.”

When asked about the sprouts observed outside of the planters, Ms. Crumbler initially denied their existence, but admitted that she was embarrassed for not having weeded the strays as often as she’d like.

“Once I get me some more planters, I’ll dig ’em up and pot ’em. Until then, they’re just weeds to me.”

[Related posts here. Image from here.]