Cool – Page 508 – Tacky Raccoons

RA

Standing on the cork of the universe.

[Image from here.]

George Jenk’s Contribution to the World

In 1949, George Jenks patented this apparatus “for ultimate attainment of an ideal golf swing.”

According to a duffer friend of Bunk’s, the game was named “Golf” because the English vulgar vernacular term for copulation was already taken.

Without access to the Jenks’ Patent description, it is intuitively obvious to the casual observer that Part No. 168 delivers either compressed Nitrous Oxide or beer from Cylinder 173 to regulator Part 167 and directly to the brain housed by Part No. 160, and if the subsequent motion of the golf club Part C does not please Assembly V, a painful shock to the student’s torso is conducted through Part 90 via Parts Nos. 93.

As brutal as it seems, it works. Only one golfer since 1949 has succeeded in mastering the rigors of this training, and his initials are Tiger Woods.

[Image with indented caption from Futility Closet.]

Hoogerbrugge Stickers

This is important. Han Hoogerbrugge has never offered such surreal artwork at such an affordable price. He is selling his stickers for the new low low price of their worth.

But before you write this off as just another tacky plug for another more profitable operation, check out Hoogerbrugge’s website first. Years ago when Bunk was still a dialupper, he’d wait patiently for Hotel episodes to load, as he did for the excellent “Nails” series of animations.

HH’s work is surreal: amazing, amusing and disturbing, all at the same time. He’s the Ken Nordine of the Internet.

[UPDATE: Welcome Grow-A-Brain readers. Help yourselves to whatever isn’t nailed down. –Bunk]

It’s the Fro, Bro.

The late great Billy Preston had one of the greatest FRO‘s of all time. Preston, besides recording some classic ’70s songs (“Nothin’ FROm Nothin’ Leaves Nothin’” and “Outa-Space” and also recorded as the 5th Beatle (or Beatle Number 9, depending on how you count).

This session musician, with his awesome huge bouncing microphone cover FRO, was a fun keyboard player to watch, especially because his FRO (with sideburns and beard) ran 360 degrees, which reminds me of another Preston hit, “Will It Go Round In Circles.” Actually, it did.

Now, Roberta Flack‘s FRO was perfect. So perfect in fact that besides her many hit records, (known in the industry as “Flack’s Stacks O’ Wax”) she was the original model for the Arial Font’s “Period,” and was able to spin off a nice bonus profit with her own product line of custom swabs. She must have made tens of dollars with this:

Chuck Norris (yes, THE CHUCK NORRIS) took notice of Flack’s success, and decided that there was room for improvement in ear hygiene. In May of 1974, he formed NorrisSwabs Inc., and served as SpokesNorris for these:

(Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the bathroom. The bathroom goes to Chuck Norris.)

[Preston image FROm here. Flack’s image with her brand of cotton swabs FROm Fantastical Nonsense. The Patented NorrisEarSwab FROm here. Somewhat related post here.]

Saturday Matinee: 5678’s, BP and S&theFS

Any band with just three members gets my attention. Any band that only has three members and they’re all female gets more of my attention. Any band that has three female members who happen to be Japanese and play late 1970’s retro-punk and can pull it off in style gets posted here.

Here’s their version of “I’m Blue (the Gong-Gong Song)” originally recorded in 1962 by the Ikettes, featuring Tina Turner. The 5678’s have been my favorite band for the last few minutes, and I hope they’ve been yours, too.

[Now for an awkward segue. I had 3 or 4 of the 5678’s videos lined up and later decided that one was enough to make the point.]

One of the greatest Fro’s in rock history, Billy Preston just jammed. Here is his Fro-ness on 1973’s “Midnight Special.” Check out that clear plexiglass double bass drumkit.

Sly and the Family Stone had some classic ‘Fros, too.

[Special Fro Tribute coming up tomorrow.]

The .Gif Friday Post No. 24 – Hello Dali

Time flies. In this case, ants and mustaches do, too.

[Image from NoPuedoCreer.]

Secret Pringles Formula

Here’s the super-secret formula: x²+y²z+z³=0
So easy! Now you can make your own!

After you’ve made a few dozen, stack ’em up, put ’em in a can, and they should look like this:

[Formula found here. 2nd image from here.]

The .gif Friday Post No. 23 – Mr. S. is hungry

I can’t tell if those are carrots or misshapen Cheeto’s. They’re prolly carrots, given the Gubernator’s penchant for fitness and health. Donkeys like carrots, too.

And just to make up for that thinly veiled political jab at Mr. Schwarzenegger, here’s this bonus: California Tax Dollars at work.

[Both .gif’s prolly found here.]

Babe Magnet: Snow Pickup

Oooh. This just reeks of serious Babe Magnetage.
(bob-A’ mog-neh-tahzh‘, fr., noun pl.)

The proud owner of this all-weather cruiser has mastered the art of cobbling together leftovers from Revelle models in full scale. No paint required. Bald front tires don’t matter, as the rear set provides traction, assisted by a rotted plywood box full of cobble ballast supported by seatbelt-strap come-alongs. The front tires act as skis. He’s also saved money on the headlights: one for hi-beam, one for low. Pure efficient genius.

“Hey, Babe, hop in! We goin’ to the tree-plowin’ competition! Sorry the heater don’t work, slide over here. I got the cd player installed underneath the seat (Yeah, the milk crate. I bolted it down this time. Here, put this cardboard on it) but weasels chewed up my speakers and now they just rattle. How ’bout singin’ Bobby McGee?”

[Images from here.]