How can such a simple harmless innocent machine be so disgusting, creepy and entertaining at the same time? You know you want one, you sicko.
[Photo via No Puedo Creer.]
Category: Holidays
Saturday Matinee: Halloween
Sorry to pop your bubble of modern-day belief, but Halloween, All Hallow’s Eve, was NOT a celebration of Satan’s birthday. It was a pagan custom designed to keep evil spirits from taking possession of their souls. The evil dead walked on this night, searching for souls to take. The preventative antidote was to dress up as the evil spirits themselves, and thus confuse them through the night so that they could take no souls.
Then Disney came along to give 5-year-olds nightmares with this:
[Link found here.]
But wait! There’s more! Several years ago a friend emailed me this:
Lastly, Karen from SNTC reminded me of the scariest one of all.
Mary’s Back.
R2D2 Craps Pepper in Your Salad
StarWars excreta. May the farce be with you.
[Source.]
Mrs. Jenkins
Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.
Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.
EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.
And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.
The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)
It Just Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This.
From now on, everything you sit on feels like Mr. T.
Ugh.
More cool and very excellent Mr. T stuff can be found on SNTC.
Tacky Raccoons 