Category: Humor

Housebreaking Your Annelid

As with any pet, the first rule is to be firm and consistent with training, and remember that rewards generally work better than punishment.

Reward your annelid when it behaves well. Fill up the bathtub with damp (not wet) newspaper and coffee grounds for your annelid to explore. They love it!

Express your displeasure as soon as possible when your annelid misbehaves so that it connects its actions with your disapproval.

Do not yell at your annelid as they cannot hear. Stomp your feet instead. In severe cases of disobedience, keep a salt shaker nearby.

If your annelid leaves castings about the house, lock your pet in a brightly lit room for 10-15 minutes after rubbing your annelid’s nose in it. Dispose of the castings in the garden. Once your pet makes the connection between in-house castings and bright light, the number of “accidents”  should diminish.

When your annelid learns to moosh at the door to go out to leave castings, reward it when it returns by allowing it to explore any dark damp space, like that puddle next to the sump drain in the basement.

Above all, be patient. Properly trained and cared for, your annelid should live 10 years or more; otherwise you’ll  find it dead and dried up on the sidewalk and all the love and affection will be gone. Enjoy!

[Top image found here.]

3 Hot Chicks and a Hot Car

Nothing like a little innocuous innuendo in a post title to generate a cheap and sleazy traffic spike.

Speaking of the classic “Hot Rod Lincoln,” here’s the version that was covered by Johnny Bond, that was covered by Roger Miller, that was covered by Commander Cody, that was covered by Asleep At The Wheel:

Charlie Ryan & the Timber Riders hit the charts on 9 May 1960 with “Hot Rod Lincoln” even though it was recorded in 1955. Unfortunately the videonazi bastards prevent embedding it here, so you gotta click to hear it.

[Image from here. Crossposted here.]

Saturday Matinee – Tea Party, Neil Innes, Johnny Cash, Eddie Cochran, Weird Al

The Tea Party protesters are really getting out of hand. Here’s footage from 20 March 2010 in Washington D.C.
[Update: Oop. My mistake. Those aren’t Tea Party people.]

Neil Innes was a protester before you were a protester.

Johnny Cash’s snare drum is awesome.

Turn up the treble for this classic from Eddie Cochran.

I’m 16% behind Weird Al on this, and 84% behind him on this one:

Have a great weekend folks.

Gravity Fools

Stuff like that happens to me everyday.

[Found here.]

Welcome To Tiny Town

When I see an electron image of something as awesome as the USS Enterprise created in the land of the nano scale, I also think of this:

When I see an electron image of something as awesome as a toilet inside of the USS Enterprise created in the land of the nano scale, I think of this:

When I see an electron image of something as awesome as someone sitting on a toilet inside of the USS Enterprise that was created in the land of the nano scale, I think of this:

It’s a bacteriophage. It’s not a nano sculpture, it’s a living death threat that’ll jump right up your butt if you’re on the nano Starship Enterprise, sitting on a nano Starship potty, and you can’t kill it by stepping on it. When I see an electron image of something awesome like that, I realize that it might be better if I stopped nano thinking.

[Images found here, here and here.]

Retro Sleds

From the Conspicuous Consumption Department, these beautiful custom automotive works of retro art are priced in the seven figure range. Knowing that, I couldn’t sleep at night if one of these penismobiles were parked in my garage, but it’s nice to know that someone can.

[More at Delahaye USA. Link found at Nurse M.’s place.]

Saturday Matinee – The Tick, Phi, Ken Nordine, Bootsy & The Zappas

The Tick came and went, but lives on the Utoobage. Here’s Part 1 of my favorite 1/2 hour episode: “The Funeral.”  The next two parts are here and here.

Speaking of nature and mathema-Ticks:

The concept of Phi, graphically illustrated. [Found here.] Ken Nordine had a great take on the Fibonacci Sequence as well:

Bootsy’s New Rubber Band’s got a nice groovejam going with a left handed shredder.

Here’s a fun compilation, “Peavey Nation,” by the Sons of Zappa, featuring a cameo by Dick Clark.

Have a great Easter weekend, folks.

April Fools Day

If you don’t like this collection, click on the refresh button. Happy Birthday to all yinz what be done borned on April 1.

Guam is in danger of tipping over.

I thought this was an April Fools Day hoax.  Unfortunately  it’s true.

Representative Hank Johnson, Democrat from Georgia, expressed his concerns to Admiral Robert Willard, who commands the Navy’s Pacific Fleet.

Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga.) is afraid that the U.S. Territory of Guam is going to “tip over and capsize” due to overpopulation.

Johnson expressed his worries during a House Armed Services Committee hearing on the defense budget Friday.

Addressing Adm. Robert Willard, who commands the Navy’s Pacific Fleet, Johnson made a tippy motion with his hands and said sternly, “My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.”

Folks, this kind of ignorance belongs in juvy hall remedial class, not in the U.S. Government.

[Story found via Snork.]

Sorry, it’s just not the same.

Uncle Fester Goes Green

(via Strutts News Services, Washington D.C.)

H.R. 4997 (ih), currently under review, proposes a requirement that all cinematic movie theaters replace standard xenon arc lamps with energy saving fluorescent bulbs or tubes and to retrofit the projectors with “kinetoscope” discs, rotated via electrical motors powered by photovoltaic cells, to allow frame-by-frame illumination. Films that previously employed the standard 24 frames per second shall be reduced to 8 to 16 frames per second in order to shorten the length of the illumination power requirements.

[Source. Crossposted here.]