Category: Not News

Global Warming Declared Racist: Rewards Only White Beachcombers with Doritos, Ignores Minorities’ Desire for Snack Food

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Seattle, WA (Strutts News Services) – Global Warming was blamed for the ocean currents that transported several thousand air-tight packages of Doritos to the coast of Washington, leaving thousands of minorities without the addictive snack food. A total of three white people recobanized the profits to be had after a cargo bin spilled off of a cargo bin carrier ship during a nasty storm during which the cargo ship dropped its cargo. The word spread up and down the coast:

“DORITOS! DON’T TELL THE BLACKS AND THE ASIANS!”

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A cargo ship that finds itself in seas that causes it to drop its cargo is not funny at all. Ask someone who has been there and done that. But only white people comb the beaches for Doritos.

[Images and story from Truck Spills, a nice collection of things spilled from trucks.]

Emo Girl Sinks into Deep Depression. Again.

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This is one of those images that just screams “POST ME!” but won’t give you a hint as to what it’s all about. I’m not even sure where the image came from. This is a TLS (Temporary Lack of Sleep) babble post; fortunately for you I deleted 3/4 of it. I’ll be better tomorrow, relatively speaking.

[Found it. Image from here. You Rock, Hopper.]

P.S. These WordPress changes suck.

[UPDATE 11 April 2008:  The glitches with the WordPress changes have been resolved and it’s cool again.]

Finicky Penguins Rediscover Flight: Global Warming Blamed

[Sorry folks, this just isn’t taking. The penguin video featuring Michael Palin was great, but then the BBC continues with some disgusting stuff that doesn’t belong here unless Bunk thinks it belongs here.]

Here’s the link just in case you still wanna see it. It’s a good ‘un.

Just look at how much fun these little guys are having. Do we really want to take it away from them?[Tip o’ the Tarboosh to SH for this heads up.]

Still experimenting with the new WordPress. The video starts with an annoying commercial, then continues with the Penguins. But then it continues with other BBC stories.

Insert Capital F-word here.

Your Pal, Bunk

[UPDATE: Wait a minute. That’s not Michael Palin. That’s the dead guy, whatsisname, Mr. Creosote, right?]

[UPDATE 2 May 2008: Here’s a new link!]

The Devil’s Hands are Idle Tools

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And the Idle Tools think this is a good thing… The guy with the pink makeup and devil horns has huge hands and is squeezing paper. Pure vapid genious, and Bunk shouts, “Suck that gut in, Bro! Show some class!”

I really like that photo.  Stupid and absurd.  And he’s serious.

[Image from a protest party via an excellent anonymous anti-moonbat website almost as good as this one.]

Fish Tanks Wash Mediterranean of Insurgents

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Malta (Strutts News Services) – According to reliable sources, Allied operations in the Mediterranean Sea have been suspended indefinitely due in large part to the success of the “surge” of armed forces swamping the region. Reports from the depths of the fighting confirm that although insurgent forces resurfaced a few months ago, a flood of countermeasures have restored the area to pre-war conditions.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, M1A1 Armor Crewman Lannie Foosers commented that the surge has been a success. “Basically we broke the supply lines from Latakia to Marseille and flushed out the insurgents’ movements.”

Although asked/baited several times by other media sourCes preseNt, to his iNtegrity, Foosers declined to make a lame pun about donating mobile artillery vehicles in trade for personal recollections in reference to a Bob Hope recording.

I Don’t Know What It Means Either.

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[Received via email, don’t know the source. Tip ‘o the Tarboosh to Carla B.]

Democrat Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer Discusses Exit Strategy With General Counsel

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1. No need to hide a blue dress.
2. See No. 1.

Truth in Advertising

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Found this nice package lounging around on the Family Strutts Butcher Block. (The FSBB is just another flat surface where a lot of unrelated items collect.) This caught my eye last evening, and I thought, “Wow. A ‘Fruit Medley,’ and precisely 1.90 ounces of it.” So I did what any one of you would have done. I took it to the bathroom.

I stood on the bathroom scale and noted my weight (including clothing, trenchcoat, mudcaked chukka boots). Then I weighed myself again, including clothing, trenchcoat, boots, AND the package labeled “Fruit Medley,” and subtracted the difference. I found that the “Fruit Medley” weighed in at 2.046 ounces. “What a windfall,” I thought. I couldn’t wait to find out what was in the package, and without flushing, ran back out to the kitchen (after washing my hands of course). I opened the box and found this:

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Looked just like the package photo. I gotta admit that the package also says, “Our Family’s Best Since 1906,” and I imagine that a bushel of fruit from over 100 years ago might look something like it.

But that’s not the point of this post. Daughter Bunkessa showed me this:

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It’s a bag of bread, labeled “Baked Bread.” Forget that it’s apparently made from wild berry flour, it’s baked bread. I’ve had the other kind, and it’s a lot like a cold bowl of Hormel chili.

But that’s not the point of this post either. While I was in the bathroom weighing the “Fruit Medley” I noticed this on the counter:

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Think about this. If you wash your face with facial cream, and the cream gets dirty and disgusting, what can you do? This product solves the problem.

Is this a Great Country or what?

More Global Warming! Save the Iguana Habitats!

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I guana tink iguana;
Iguana guana tink ’bout me.

I’d rather have iguanas roaming around my house than polar bears.

Is the earth warming? Certainly. Is it cooling as well? Without a doubt. Should we be alarmed? No.

When the argument for human-caused climate change resurfaces with Global Cooling Hysteria (as it did in the 1930’s, and also in the 1970’s) all the EcoAlarmists will be screeching about the demise of reptile habitats. Either way, keep your hands on your purses and wallets, children and grand-children. It’s all about the money today, and it’ll be all about the money tomorrow.

What have the weather predictors predicted for your weather tomorrow? Next week? I’ll bet your pay check that they can’t predict it accurately for a month, let alone a year, a decade, a century.

It’ll be cold some years. It’ll be hot some others. It all balances out, and humans can’t change the multiple overlapping weather cycles, no matter how many people believe they can change it, even if their last name is Gore, Clinton or Obama. Okay, or Bush, McCain, or Rice either. Or Manny, Moe and Jack. Or Larry, Moe and Curly. Or Dick, Jane and Sally. Or even Oprah, Whoopi and Andy Panda.

The late National Lampoon Radio Hour had a great summary of mankind’s control over the cosmos: “You Are A Fluke Of the Universe. You Have No Right to be Here, and Whether You Can Hear It or Not, the Universe is Laughing Behind Your Back.”

[Image from here.]

Incomplete Twinning

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This is a Maraca, to train schizophrenics with rhythm to cooperate with his- or herself without fighting. Or not.  [Image from somewhere in here.]

But then, there’s also this incomplete twinning.  [Growabrain is looking for the source.]

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