Category: Bizarre

NG Almost Picks Up Strutts News Services Story

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Zanesville, Ohio (Strutts News Services) –

This month’s issue of the National Geographic was originally designed to feature the award-winning photo and story of the herd of captured Indricotheria, as first reported to TRITE (TackyRaccoons Investigation Team East, Strutts News Services) by doctoral candidates Mr. Lannie Foosers and Ms. Toonci Crumbler of the Cerro Gordo Oceanic Institute on this very website.

Foosers and Crumbler were all jumpy and jivey excited until they discovered that their ground-breaking contribution was neither acknowleged by National Geographic Magazine, nor was the story with the now-famous accompanying photo even published.

NatGeo Senior Apprentice-Editor-In-Training Bob “Bobby” Bieber explained his decision to spike the story. “The claims in the full-page NexLoid Chromioplasty advertisement were easier to confirm, so we shelved the Indricotheria blurb for now.”

[Okay, okay… NatGeo cover is from MagMyPic, and then I messed with it just a little. Still missing the original source for the original photo of the Indricotheria.]

International Blog Cup “Competition” Results

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I know all of you were waiting with bait-breath to find out if Tacky Raccoons made the first round cut in the “International Blog Cup” competition. We didn’t, even though I, Bunk, voted for myself twice each day for a week.

On the plus side, TR won well over 48% of the votes against a dopey music video advertisement website that takes no talent to post. Bill Clinton got elected President by a smaller percentage. Bunky regards the loss as a bittersweet victory.

34 to 32 is the final count, and TR conceded to our worthy opponent last night at about 11:55PM.  34 votes for our worthy opponent equals only five people who voted each day for a week and who like music videos posted on a bland website that gets it’s material solely from YouTube, and posted without commentary.  Oooh. Beat me, Daddy, Eight to the Bar.  Smacked down by a bot.

But we have more fun, don’t we. Heh.

[Image above from Hanuman showing all 32 TR hits. All in fun. –Bunk]

Wrong. Just wrong. Wait. Maybe It’s Right.

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Yep she’s preggo. Yep, she’s a Red Sox fan. And yep, there’s someone who specializes in adorning preggo bellies with graphics. Thank God it’s not me. Funny that someone would want a stranger painting their gut, slightly disturbing that someone else enjoys doing it for them, and scary that a lot of you don’t believe me and are going to click on the link to see more. Don’t do it.

[Link from GrowABrain, image with more preggo belly designs here.]

Saturday Matinee: Past Future & Present Past

Vodpod videos no longer available. from s166.photobucket.com posted with vodpod

No Way. Can’t happen. Get outta here. [Via Snopes.]

1960 precursor to Star Trek from East Germany, according to the U-to0bage description:

Here’s a look at “the world’s largest supercomputer” in the socialist utopian future predicted by a 1960 East German science fiction film

The movie is “Der Schweigende Stern,” released in the west as “First Spaceship on Venus.”

Like other Soviet-bloc films, it forecast a utopian future in which socialist scientific advancement led the world.

In this scene, the scientists are using the supercomputer to decipher an alien message recorded on a device ejected from an alien spacecraft before it crashed.

And speaking of Star Trek, one of the funniest Saturday Night Live clips, (with William Shatner as Captain Kirk, Chevy Chase as Spock, Bill Murray as Bones, on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise after the series was canceled) should have appeared below. But NBC apparently convinced uT00B and g00ggle to drop all the video links for copyright violations. It’s as if NBC wanted to erase all evidence of the years when Saturday Night Live was actually funny.

So here’s this gem [originally scheduled for a later post]: The Dap-Kings featuring Sharon Jones. Music & video uses 1960’s technology for recording and taping this modern band with the stylings of early R&B. “Almost Aretha” is a pretty good compliment.

Finally a Raccoon Banner

Middle of the night. Tired. You just passed through the woods from Gramma’s house, and crossed over the river. You see him in your headlights. He’s there, standing in the middle of the road. He dares you to hit him, knowing that your wife and kids are in the car, not quite asleep. You slowly brake to a stop, wondering what to do next. Defiance charges the air with electrical impulses unseen in the damp humid darkness, felt only by the hairs on your unshaven back. You can’t back down, yet you recoil after coiling. That haunting apparition…

[Good God. Will Someone PLEASE finish this in the Comments Section? Otherwise it’s just gonna get worse, and I don’t wanna take responsibility for what might happen next.]

[Image source here, via Your Daily Awesome.]

Too Much Time

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BrerRick emailed me about the lolferret post. Said that someone’s got, “Waaay too much time on their hands,” even though the post was of “Bosley,” a ferret owned by the Weasel, a mutual friend.

Well, bro, if you work efficiently and play efficiently, one can find oneself with enough time to pay the bills, do the laundry, feed the lolpossums and oil the cat, scour the shovel, and still have time left over to post utter absurdities on our favorite website.

Unfortunately, eating and sleeping is a necessary waste of time, kinda like having to put your pants on when you’re not going outside. Kinda like making your bed when it’s just gonna get messed up again. Kinda like surfing the internest for posts and limiting the search to the sites that already link to yours.

I can’t possibly have too much time, and neither can you. Always look through the mud for the rainbow in the windshield, or you might end up like her.

[Photo via Arbroath.]

Where Do They Go?

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[Speaking of Natural Expressions, here’s this from SNTC.]

Easy Home Cooking

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This works, as long as the shovels weren’t first used for latrine duty.

Reminds me of hubcap grilles, clothes hanger toast, fish poached in a dishwasher, grilled cheese sandwiches ala steam iron, foil-wrapped stew on the exhaust manifold, BeanieWeenies-in-the-can on a hot plate, electric dryer bacon. (Okay, I made up the last one.)

I’ll have our crack team of webminers find links for the above concoctions asap (unless any of you wanna beat me to it in the comments section).

Saturday Matinee: Ken Nordine’s Word Jazz

Ken Nordine… the voice, the guy you’ve heard, but never knew it…

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Best of Word Jazz is available on cd via Rhino Records. Ken Nordine’s late 1950’s and early ’60’s work is bizarre. Here’s Bunk’s review [from Amazon] a few years ago:

“Late at night, toss this into your cd player, press pause.

“Turn off the lights.

“Turn on the TV. Turn off the sound. Flip to channel 3…

“Static…

“Hit play attention…

“Ken Nordine is the comforting yet oddly disturbing voice in your head that you try to ignore, but can’t; he’s the Twilight Zone for your ears.”

But don’t take my word for it. The liner notes include this gem of a description:

“Ken Nordine, yea I know that guy. I heard his voice 1000 times, he’s the guy in the bus station that says “go ahead I’ll keep an eye on your stuff for you,” and you see him the next day walking around town wearing your clothes. He broadcasts from the boiler room of the Wilmont Hotel with 50,000 watts of power. I know that voice, he’s the guy with the pitchfork in your head saying go ahead and jump, and he’s the ambulance driver who tells you you’re going to pull thru. He’s the guy in the control tower who talked you down in a storm with a hole in your fuselage and both engines on fire. I heard him barking thru the Rose Alley Carnival strobe as samurai firemen were pulling hose. Yea he’s the dispatcher with the heart of gold, the only guy up this late on the suicide hotline. Ken Nordine is the real angel sitting on the wire in the tangled matrix of cobwebs that holds the whole attic together. Yea Ken Nordine, he’s the switchboard operator at the Taft Hotel, the only place in town you can get a drink at this hour. You know Ken Nordine, he’s the lite in the icebox, he’s the blacksmith on the anvil in your ear.” –Tom Waits, 1990

For some reason, I have this subtle urge to buy 501 Jeans…

Mr.T Done NeeNo JibbaJabba Boutis Socks.

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1. Done gimme no jibbajabba, foo.

2. See Commandment above, foo.

3. Ah pity da foo done unnastan nummas ONE an TWO.

4. Ah done harley wanna touch dis green-shirt-wearin foo. He smell funny. An keep dose joov-nall-matchin-sock-foos behinda fents.

[Excellent album cover find from (the late) Your Daily Awesome. More Mr.T excellence may be found here and here. Oh yeah. Here, too.]