Found this nice package lounging around on the Family Strutts Butcher Block. (The FSBB is just another flat surface where a lot of unrelated items collect.) This caught my eye last evening, and I thought, “Wow. A ‘Fruit Medley,’ and precisely 1.90 ounces of it.” So I did what any one of you would have done. I took it to the bathroom.
I stood on the bathroom scale and noted my weight (including clothing, trenchcoat, mudcaked chukka boots). Then I weighed myself again, including clothing, trenchcoat, boots, AND the package labeled “Fruit Medley,” and subtracted the difference. I found that the “Fruit Medley” weighed in at 2.046 ounces. “What a windfall,” I thought. I couldn’t wait to find out what was in the package, and without flushing, ran back out to the kitchen (after washing my hands of course). I opened the box and found this:
Looked just like the package photo. I gotta admit that the package also says, “Our Family’s Best Since 1906,” and I imagine that a bushel of fruit from over 100 years ago might look something like it.
But that’s not the point of this post. Daughter Bunkessa showed me this:
It’s a bag of bread, labeled “Baked Bread.” Forget that it’s apparently made from wild berry flour, it’s baked bread. I’ve had the other kind, and it’s a lot like a cold bowl of Hormel chili.
But that’s not the point of this post either. While I was in the bathroom weighing the “Fruit Medley” I noticed this on the counter:
Think about this. If you wash your face with facial cream, and the cream gets dirty and disgusting, what can you do? This product solves the problem.
Is this a Great Country or what?
Lookout Chess! Here’s a true game of strategy. Just like “Connect One,” it all has to do with the preparation. Like it says on the box, “It’s the most fun-filled action GAME you’ve ever played,” with “you’ve” meaning all four of you.
[Found on Rockhopper… Thanx Dan.]
Um…
Ah, um…
Bunk can tolerate microwaved frozen sliders, and experienced the joys of igde pshat and the Habañero, but I have to draw the line at this canned delicacy. For now.
[Story found here. Image found via link. Original story, um, I dunno. Maybe here. In English or Spanish, it’s still wrong.]
All it took to send them into rebellion was one innocuous comment.
“Hey Bob! Bob Oso! Y’all truckin’ Granny Smith again?” The Jonagolds had had enough.
[Related post here.]
Look here. Bunk knows peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and you, Reese, are no peanut butter and banana sandwich maker.
What young Bunky liked better were peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwiches, combining the flavor of Jif with the crunch of baby gerkins. And vice versa.
Fortunately, Reese acknowleged that these bastardized confections have artificial flavor, so you can rest assured that it doesn’t taste exactly like the King. They made up for the chicanery by labeling the bag, “Collector Edition,” thus snagging all the compulsive candy-collectors investors hoping to score big bucks months or years from now in the Reese’s Cups futures market.
So just how many bags do you have stashed away in your safe deposit box?
[Image from Bockety.]
Although there are two cats around here that Bunk denies ownership of, other members of the Family Strutts claim to know about catbreath. (Word is it’s nasty. I’ll stay with the possums… at least they don’t climb up on my lap, stare at my chin stubble, and say, “H-h-h-howdy.”)
[Image from Ms. Cellanea.]
No, folks, Bunky doesn’t know what it means either, but anyone with a wallpaper design for sale titled “Tuffy and the Imaginary Flying Cat Head” gets my immediate respect. Rory Skagan’s site has many more products that are Fun to Buy – Cool to Own, so stock up now while supplies last.
[Hat tip to G-off, who lives in a P.O. Box in Colorado. He sent us this as a Christmas card.]
This works, as long as the shovels weren’t first used for latrine duty.
Reminds me of hubcap grilles, clothes hanger toast, fish poached in a dishwasher, grilled cheese sandwiches ala steam iron, foil-wrapped stew on the exhaust manifold, BeanieWeenies-in-the-can on a hot plate, electric dryer bacon. (Okay, I made up the last one.)
I’ll have our crack team of webminers find links for the above concoctions asap (unless any of you wanna beat me to it in the comments section).
Established over 50 years or not, I want the “Non-Traditional” kind with my peanut butter. Who is this Bradley guy that thinks this is food? After 50 years, you’d think he’d know better.
“WAIT MARGIE, THEY’RE READY TO EAT! FORGET THE TURKEY! WE GOT EELS! AND THEY’RE THE TRADITIONAL STYLE!”
[Photo from Liver.]
UPDATE: One of our crack webminers here at TR bleated apologies for not informing me that the Jellied Eels photo is NOT photoshopped, and that the treats are considered a delicacy in parts of London. The exact same photo, with description, can be found here. (Bunk sincerely apologizes to Mr. Bradley for thinking he was a closet Japanese foodmaker, and to all Japanese readers for thinking that you would stoop so low as to eat jellied eels. Bunk forwarded his documentation to Steve, an authority on matters like this.)
Tacky Raccoons 