Lookout Chess! Here’s a true game of strategy. Just like “Connect One,” it all has to do with the preparation. Like it says on the box, “It’s the most fun-filled action GAME you’ve ever played,” with “you’ve” meaning all four of you.
[Found on Rockhopper… Thanx Dan.]
New Year’s resolutions. Hmmm. Good God there are so many to choose from and so many to ignore and reject. Okeh, I got a couple:
I shall endeavor to be more ascerbic.
I shall wake up when I want to, not when electricity tells me to.
I shall quit giving the cat rides in the dryer if it hasn’t gone in there voluntarily, and if it does, I shall provide a blanket to cushion it.
I shall stop complaining about cat hair on my chonis.
I shall personally snag the livers from the huge turkeys my lovely wife purchases only two times a year for the holidays and I shall cook them up with butter and eat them in private without telling anyone.
I shall not feel guilty when I snicker to myself.
I shall briefly consider presidential candidate endorsements from Chuck Norris, Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Streisand, and whatsisface (you know, that guy, the funny one who doesn’t write his own material) and ignore those endorsements altogether as idiocy, and shall vote for a candidate and issues that they do not support.
I shall continue to combat the forces of evil, and shall pay my bills on time, with the understanding that giving in does not equate to surrender.
I shall fart when and where I want to, and not when or where others think I should, because it’s none of their business, and it’s completely out of their control anyway.
I shall relieve stress, in the aforementioned way, and other ways that I’m not inclined to let you in on.
Those are way too many resolutions for me, but I’ll keep them… to myself.
Wish y’all and yours a prosperous New Year from Tacky Raccoons.
–Your Pal, Bunk.
Thanks gobs for all your support and interest this past year, and may your Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa festivities include the gift of socks for you and yours.
Bunk & the Family Strutts
[Image from here.]
This is beyond the Valley of Stupid, past the Hill of Morons, and all the way up to the Citadel of Ignoramus, but it’s available here. The site has an appropriately annoying soundtrack, too, to remind you of what bubble wrap popping sounds like. China knows that we’ll buy anything except for an oil pipeline from the Alaskan arctic desert, and they’re banking on bubble wrap popping audio electronics for now.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d be hawking it right here if I’d thought of it first.
P.S. Don’t buy it yet. This is only the beta analog version. Digital is coming out in January.
Everyone should have an Albino Bowler Action Figure, if only to go with that Lunch Lady Action Figure you have on your desk.
As a regular goy, it just occurred to me that I’ve inadvertently overlooked our non-goyim friends and readers who celebrate Hannukah this time of year. To recompense for my accidental oversite, here’s this gift suggestion:
A DELUXE EDITION of NO LIMIT TEXAS DREIDEL
[I didn’t make that up. Ask Kinky Friedman. Here’s the link, found here. At least it’s not “Strip Dreidel.”]
“Crispness is clumping, the geezer’s got a flat; Won chew fleas butter Penny Inn anode man sat.”
Apparently there are a handful of folks who are offended by too many things, who are all humpy about this dopiness. I love it. And I love that those folks are all humpy about it, too.
Now if that were my son (the one on the left, I mean) I’d get all humpy about that ridiculous outfit, smack him on the temporal lobes, cut off his driving privileges and ask him what he was thinking.
[Images and story from here.]
StarWars emesis. And all this time I thought R2D2 only craps pepper in my salad.
[Image from here. Oh yeah, speaking of emesis, Diesel’s still hawking his book at MattressPolice if you’re looking for a last minute Christmas gift. He promises to deliver it in person if you order by midnight tonight. Otherwise, you can read it free on his website. Go figger.]
Tacky Raccoons 
