Category: Holidays

The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month

Armistice Day, 1918, now referred to as Veterans’ Day. How many of you know what it means? Bonus points if you know why the USA officially joined the fight after years of Wilsonian isolationism. (Hint: Starts with the letter Z.)

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Note that Germany did not surrender; the Armistice was an agreement to stop fighting, not an admission of defeat. Note also that the Armistice created sanctions that were not enforced. Note that in less than twenty years, national socialists controlled Germany. By 1939 they had rebuilt their armies and weaponry and invaded Poland. Note that there were many “dialogues” and appeasements. Note the beginning of WWII.

Has a familiar ring to it… I’m just sayin’.

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As for Veterans’ Day, there is an excellent publication, Military, that should be read by all. It’s not a glossy rewrite of history, but a monthly newsprint pulp, with first-person accounts from WWII, the Cold War, Korea, Viet Nam, Afganistan and Iraq. It contains snippets of world events, past and present, not normally found in the newspapers, let alone TV, Radio, or the internest news services.

Military provides current non-classified information that the popular main-stream media typically overlooks and ignores. Well worth the admission price of $21.00 a year.

www.milmag.com takes you to the subscription page. I have no monetary connections or interests with this publication, aside from being a fan and subscriber.

The publication is proudly conservative and I recommend it highly. Regardless of your political affiliation, it is not insulting to those of differing opinions. Go for it. —Bunk

[Photo from here.]

Faith Enhancer

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Just in time for All Soul’s Day.

Yes, folks, we’ve all seen it on TV, the one and only “Miraculously Pepper-Minty Faith-Enhancing Breathspray.”

Made from habanero chili oil, all it takes is one little squirt into your mouth, and you’ll be yelling, “OH GOD! O MY GOD!” and praying that there’s some milk left in the fridge.
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Habanero chilis make you smarter.

I’d read about them. A friend had given me five little orange ones he’d grown himself. Something that small and pretty couldn’t be that bad, I told myself, and I dared myself to try one, or rather, a small part of one, and I ate a fingernail-sized slice late one night several years ago.

I have a deep and profound respect for the habanero.

It was sweet, pleasant at first, until it jumped up and filled my entire field of vision. Flaming sweat was spitting out of my forehead when I took a lick of salt (one remedy) and I jammed my fist into the refrigerator for the quart of milk without opening the door. “OH GOD!” I yanked the milk out by its udders ignoring the jagged metal that cut my forearm.

I drank the whole quart, and finally the pain subsided. Whew… at least I could say that I’d eaten the habanero. But I found out that it wasn’t done with me yet.

Relieved, and with natural endorphins jumping around in my brain, I headed for bed, got my night-chonis on, brushed my teeth. Then I took out my contacts. “OH, GOD!” A minute amount of the habanero oil had not washed off of my fingers, and now my eyes were shooting flames.

I took the contact lenses, washed them thoroughly, dumped them into the little canister with the magic cleaning tablets, and went to bed.

Next morning. Forgot about the habaneros. Fetched my contacts from the little canister. Put them in my eyes. “OH, GOD!” I decided to ride it out, and it subsided, leaving me red eyed.

And I learned that the habenero wasn’t done with me yet. Later that afternoon while sitting next to the bathtub… “OH, GOD.”

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True Story, and I learned from it. Hope you did too.
[Photo source: Chiquiworld.]

Have a Sam the Sham Halloween

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Is it just me, or are they dancing to “Wooly Bully” by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs?

Alternate .mp3 version of “Wooly Bully” is available at here along with some other freebees. Rhino Records put out a Best Of compilation on vinyl decades ago, and it’s prolly available on CD.

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“Hey there, Little Red Ridin’ Hood… You sure are lookin’ good… You’re everthang that a Big Bad Wolf could want… Ooooooow!”

Halloween Pencil Sharpener

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How can such a simple harmless innocent machine be so disgusting, creepy and entertaining at the same time? You know you want one, you sicko.

[Photo via No Puedo Creer.]

Saturday Matinee: Halloween

Sorry to pop your bubble of modern-day belief, but Halloween, All Hallow’s Eve, was NOT a celebration of Satan’s birthday. It was a pagan custom designed to keep evil spirits from taking possession of their souls. The evil dead walked on this night, searching for souls to take. The preventative antidote was to dress up as the evil spirits themselves, and thus confuse them through the night so that they could take no souls.

Then Disney came along to give 5-year-olds nightmares with this:

[Link found here.]

But wait! There’s more! Several years ago a friend emailed me this:

Lastly, Karen from SNTC reminded me of the scariest one of all.
Mary’s Back.

R2D2 Craps Pepper in Your Salad

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StarWars excreta. May the farce be with you.
[Source.]

Mrs. Jenkins

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Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.

Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.

EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.

And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.

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The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)

It Just Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This.

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From now on, everything you sit on feels like Mr. T.
Ugh.
More cool and very excellent Mr. T stuff can be found on SNTC.