Potato/Carrot Weaponry 101

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[Plans above found here.]

Yep. That’s the way the old timers did it, but thanks to modern technology, i.e., the invention of the ballpoint pen, there’s an easier way, the way we did it in HiSkool.

Get a ballpoint pen with a brass ink cartridge, the skinny kind.  Cut both ends  (as the open end has a lip) with the cutter of your needle-nose pliers. Then with the pliers, make the ends round again. [Figs. 1 & 2]

Carrot Shooter

Take the tube to the sink, and run hot water over it to soften the ink.  Blow out the ink to clear the tube, and set aside.

Go find a wire coat hanger with a diameter that fits into the ink tube, and cut a straight section 1-3/4  times the length of the tube.

Now here’s the technical part. With your pliers, bend the wire into an “L” shape, with the longer leg just a tad longer than the metal tube.  [Figs. 3 & 4].

Got it? Now put your pliers away and get a thumb-sized piece of carrot. Take the tube and jam the end into the side of the carrot. Pull it out  at a slight angle, and you should have a nice little plug in the end of the tube.  Now do the same thing with the other end [Fig 5].

Insert the tip of the bent clothes hanger wire into one end of tube, pushing one of the carrot plugs in slightly.  Your weapon is now locked and loaded. Hold the tube with your first and second fingers, and push the plunger with your thumb.

By pushing one plug toward the other, pressure builds, and the end plug will shoot about 10 to 15 feet with amazing accuracy. The carrot “bullets” are about 1/16″ diameter x 1/8″ long.  Since only one plug pops, you still have one in the chamber, so you only have to re-load another primer plug to fire again.

Aim for the cheek or neck, not the eyes, on an unsuspecting victim ten or more feet away. A quiet pop, a bite of carrot wetness, and subsequent confusion is your reward.

[Next project:  Instant Metallic Farts. Remind me.]

The .Gif Friday Post No.105 – Banana Man, Ice-Licking, Paris Pants

Bananaman_Gif Bin

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[Found here, here and here.]

Some Folks Are Easily Amused…

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…and sometimes a photo needs no caption. This is one of them.

[Found in here.]

The Ignosecond has passed.

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At least his elbows won’t get bloodied.

[Found in here.]

Bunk’s Grumpkins 2009

Grumpkins (4)a

Dang. Lost my boning knife so I had to wing it with a serrated steak knife instead.  Grumpkin on the right lost an eye due to that unfortunate handicap, but Ms. Spaulding came out better than expected.

Two freestyle grumpkins in 75 minutes is a decent crank, though.

Raw, um, talent

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If that’s not bad enough, you can listen to their “hit” here.  Just remember, there are some things you can’t unhear.

(Here’s our archive of Crappy Album Covers. Don’t miss Strider’s archive, either; he’ll be adding this one shortly.)

[Found here via somewhere else.]

[Update 5 December 2009:  Good god. According to Strider, they had street cred in the UK. Lookee here.]

The .Gif Friday Post No.102 – Rooster Cat Fight, Splash Kangaroo and a Very Tacky Raccoon

Cat Bird_Your daily gif blog

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Dang. I’d love to take credit for that last one, but it ain’t mine.

[Update: Apparently the last animation is by HappyToast.]

[Found here, here and here.]

Naked Chick

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Yeah, we know. Blatant Google Search pimpage. Just like this post.
[From Amy Oops’ Archive.]

Point The Missed Someone in the Summer of Love

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Ever wonder why the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland? It’s all because of Mooncat Buckeye.

[Found here.]

Michelle O. Action (Go) Figure

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The latest gimmick to hit the market just in time for Halloween: The First Lady Action Figure. It is being heralded as the first toy in the likeness of Michelle Obama.  WRONG.

I like to boil things down to their essence, and the toy on the right gets my vote for Toy of the Year, especially with the photoshopoopage of the photo on the left. Those proportions just aren’t right, even for Barbie.

In context, the toy on the right is immediately recobanizeable as The First Lady in all her glory, just as Aretha Franklin and Barbara and George Bush were similarly memoribalised below:

Lego Aretha Franklin

Here at TR, our crack team of webminers previously posted Lego’s Contribution for the adulation of the devout:  a full landscape model of THE INAUGURATION.   It’s awesome.

But Michelle’s action figure is still not as awesome as this one.