No other explanation necessary, and they should be hitting the market soon. You won’t find this in the MainStreamMedia.
(Photo link lost due to global warming. We’ll repost & credit the source when we find it. Honest.)
UPDATE: Here be the source.
Mower Breeder
The young ones always follow their mother. Obviously he’s breeding, raising and training them somewhere in Port Huron, and I bet he gets big bucks for every trained thoroughbred mower, too.
(Photo from Port Huron Times Herald, via OMGPlasticJesus.)
Mrs. Jenkins
Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.
Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.
EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.
And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.
The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)
TEMPERATURES INCREASE AROUND GLOBE
Globe, AZ (Strutts News Services) – According to one reputable source, TWC, Global temperatures are expected to increase as much as 26 degrees fahrenheit tomorrow, but should cool off later in the day. One local business owner isn’t happy.
Collie Davis of “Globe Industries” bemoans the extreme heat fluctuations. “We specialize in manufacturing garden gnomes. They come in many earth-tone colors, but this temperature shift has turned our entire stock to lobster red. Red Gnomes are ugly and just plain stupid!”
Johan VanDinck, spokesgnome for URG (Union of Red Gnomes), threatened a mass walkout unless Davis retracts his statement. “There ain’t gonna be no Christmas until we settle this.”
Ongoing story is heating up; news here as it happens. Photo via Variant.
Vehicular Rollover Ahead
Do the Camel Walk
James Brown, aka Butane James, Mr. PleasePleasePlease, Mr. Dynamite, The Hardest Working Man In Show Business, Soul Brother No. 1 & The Godfather of Soul shows you how to do the dances you heard about, but rarely saw (at least not as good as JB could do ’em), and all within a minute and 39 seconds:
1.The Crab Dance
2.The Boogaloo
3.The Funky Chicken
4.The James Brown
5.The Mash Potato
6.The Camel Walk
7.The Robot
8. The Soul Train
I’m not sure about the name of the first dance, since it’s in JamesSpeak. Video link jumped out at me and made me get up and get on down, from Arbroath.
TGIF: The .gif Friday Night Post I
Sources for .gif files like this are generally unknown to me, and I’ve been collecting them for years. No copyright infringement is intended, etc., etc. These can be found all over the internest, if you know where to look. – Bunk
Didymo = Rock Snot
Your Town, This Planet (Strutts News Services) –
No, we’re not talking about punk or rap music here. Rock Snot is real. Be afraid.
From CSM: “In the late 1980s, a freshwater alga began mysteriously blooming in the rivers of Vancouver, British Columbia, covering once-pristine riverbeds with a thick, woolly mat. Dubbed “rock snot” for its yellowish color and globular form…”
From AP via MSNBC: “It looks like a clump of soiled sheep’s wool, a cottony green or white mass that’s turning up on rocks and river bottoms, snarling waterways.”
From SNS: “Janessa Vapors, a nineteenth-grader at the Institute for Apocalyptic Studies at the University of Social Engineering, Placerville, California states, ‘Global Warming is not the problem, but Rock Snot is a real threat. We’ve got to find a way to harvest it and process it into food. Theoretically, if everyone on this planet ate a pound of it a day, the equivalent of 10,337 cars would be taken off the road; I’ve run the numbers. We’ve got to start now to solve this crisis, but we need more government funding.'”
If you want to keep Rock Snot from proliferating, quit messing with it and eat it. I don’t know about you, but I’m already packing to leave before it gets me, just in case, and I suggest you do the same.
All photos and quotes are from embedded links above.
The Zen of Nancy
Ernie Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was one of the most innocuous yet ubiquitous comic strips ever. It was never funny or clever, it was just odd, and it ran in hundreds of papers for decades. There are many Nancy afficionados/analysts out there, just google ’em. One of the best taps into the zen of the strip, with a game called, “Five Card Nancy,” and it’s not funny either.
Although Nancy didn’t have a mom or a dad in the strip, her Aunt Fritzi took care of her. Fritzi was a babe, and better looking than Blondie. Honest.
Nancy’s best friend Sluggo was odd in his own zen-like way:
There are so many pointless, humorless comic strips around today that try to be funny. At least Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was deliberately pointless and rarely humorous, but it was drafted in a tight recognizable style.
Sources: Nancy panel clipped from the Sunday funnies years ago; Aunt Fritzi from here; Sluggo panels from here and here.
HE has a sense of humo(u)r.
Yamba, New South Wales – (Strutts News Services)
Once again, GOD played a prank on the seaside community of Yamba on Thursday when he purchased a bottle of Ivory Liquid, metasized it, and poured it into the Pacific Ocean just 10 miles off the coast. The ocean knew what to do and churned up foam that spread 30 miles.
“Only the Almighty could pull one off like this,” said resident Robert “Dinker” Dinques. “We joke alot that HE must be bored watching us and all, and once in a while HE stirs the pot up a bit.”
Photos via Arbroath. True story may be found there as well.
Tacky Raccoons 