Urban Hunting

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People like Mr. Beasley amaze me.  Here’s a guy who grew up in the poverty-stricken rural south who knows more about basic survival than almost anyone reading this post.  He’s carved himself a niche, trapping urban raccoons, cleaning them, and selling them to folks who enjoy this delicacy — IN DETROIT!

fresh-coons-2b“Coon or rabbit. God put them there to eat. When men get hold of animals he blows them up and then he blows up. Fill ’em so full of chemicals and steroids it ruins the people. It makes them sick. Like the pigs on the farm. They’s 3 months old and weighing 400 pounds. They’s all blowed up. And the chil’ren who eat it, they’s all blowed up. Don’t make no sense.”

–Glemie Beasley, Urban Hunter.

I don’t agree with his argument against raising corn-fed animals to butcher, but consider this:  If all of a sudden there was no food at the grocery stores and money became worthless, how would you feed your family?

You’d do it just like Glemie Beasley does it… or starve.

The video is interesting, but the “host” is a smarmy condescending dorkboy with a “soul patch” under his lower lip.

Finest point about capturing and butchering game such as possum and raccoon is to leave a paw on, so that folks can tell you’re not selling dog or cat carcasses.  The video is graphic in as much as a cooking show shows a skinned chicken;  but it also instructs on how to prepare small game carcasses.

[Full story with video here.  Related stuff:  I mentioned before that James Burke’s  Part 3 of Episode 1 of his excellent Connections series is a must see.  Be patient until 4:30- that’s where the meat is.]

We’re honored.

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The Reverend S.Le awarded us this Awesome Award.  These things aren’t free, and they come with strings attached.  So, in compliance with the Universal Rules of Reception, here are my 5 nominees for the Zombie Chicken Award:

Amy Oops

Phil C

Woosk

VE

Fin Peng (MIA)

May you live long and perspire.

Cactopods

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[Images from here, found by way of Neatorama.]

The Kings of the Ducktail Cats

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Whoa. The Kings of the Ducktail Cats.

Cool optical illusion.  Stare at it for less than 30 seconds and the image appears.

Raccoon news and their misadventures in Florida here.

Huge alligator here.

Check out the size of the snake posted here.

Elizabeth and her Invisible Chinese Baby is a great name for a blog.

Top 10 Obama-Biden gaffes, from the UK Telegraph! More gaffes here.

The Fall of the House of Google [via the Presurfer].

This guy knows what he’s talking about.

Saturday Matinee: Sucky Song & Favorite DooWop


Clever stop motion stuff outclasses a sucky song.

The Dell-Vikings’ “Jitterbug Mary” is an unrecobanized classic.  They were my  favorite doowop group.  I hear this kinda stuff and it makes everything better.

My favorite doowop group was The Five Satins. Here they lipsynch for a bunch of white people.

Gene Chandler was better known for “Duke of Earl.”  Here’s the Duke singing “Good Times.”  Although this song is R&B, he’s my favorite doowop singer.

“Love of My Life” is one of the greatest songs ever, and  Frank Zappa’s bands are my favorite doowop group.  (This song is still my favorite — too bad The Ramones aren’t still around to do a Zappa tribute album.)

[ Woohoo! Post No. 700!]

The .gif Friday Post No. 74 – DANCE HARD

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The PeaMen?

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…or the WatchNuts?

[Found here, cross-posted at Amy Oops. ]

New Age Hair

nosehairOccasionally our esteemed web miners at Tacky Raccoons run short of post ideas due to prior commitments and responsibilities (like, um, well, other important stuff.)  When we run out of unique post images or topics, we resort to a simple parlor trick:  Google an image of a random word,  see what pops up,  and exploit it for pennies on the dollar.  (You wanna see LEDs on sheep? You won’t find it here. We don’t play the viral game.)

Today we’re talking new age hair.*

As we age, our bodies change in ways we only laughed about in grade school.  A few long eyebrow hairs are kinda cool, but ear hair is not.  Nor is the onslaught of middle age nose hair.  I have all three.

Fortunately, modern technology provides the answer for two-thirds of them, and the vacuum abhorred by nature is filled by this wonderful creation:

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Be forewarned that if you use this appliance for ear hair, it will change your eye color as well as the color and pattern of your shirt.

For sale here at the low price of $5.99 (unfortunately no used ones are listed.)  Get one for each nostril for only $11.98 plus snipping and handling.  An optional stainless steel flail attachment is available to grind out the crusties.

Not for use as a unowot, regardless of crusties.

[Image found here. Nose Hair Opinion Poll results here.] Continue reading “New Age Hair”

More UltraZoomage: Obama’s Inauguration

I am amazed at the technology that allows one to sit a mile away (next to the only three Porta-Potties) and have a recobanizable photo taken.  These images were taken from screenprints converted to .jpg files with MSPaint, and were not doctored except for cropping.

[Note that even Jesus attended the event in his burial shroud.]

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This is the Fullscreen Gigapan.  Zoom in, zoom out;  look for Elvis and Waldo.

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Then I spotted Aretha Franklin with some serious mojo flyin’.

[Related inaugrabation photos here;  More UltraZoomage here.]

Babe Magnet: The Batmoboil

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Whoa.  Batman logo with tinyperkynipples, on a Chrysler Minivan no less.  Let’s all scream, “PARTYMOBILE!”  Bijonce and her sister Charlondra be gonna jump de bones of the driver of this dragon wagon, assuming they can see over the hood to appreciate the majesty of it all.

Of course the neighborhood girls are way underage, and the only way they’d see the attraction is if Bozoman personally lifted them higher than his blood alcohol level x the height of the hood ornament. Fortunately Bozoman can’t, and has to rely on subterfuge to get his prey into the Mommyvan.  Fortunately for Bijonce and her sister, they’re both armed with tasers and the bone-breaking physical paybacks of the self-defense kind.

This conundrum leaves Bozoman with nothing but his two Bozofriends and a couple of quarts of beer.  Since no significant otter, either outside or inside of Bozoman’s Mommyvan, can view the Batmoboil Logo, the only way the lame-o paintjob boosts this embarrassing piece of dorkness to the level of  Babe Magnet is in the mindvapors of Bozoman himself.

[This image from Woosk, related by bastardized ancestry to this post, has been added to the Great Babe Magnet Archive.]