The .gif Friday Post No. 74 – DANCE HARD
Category: Bizarre
New Age Hair
Occasionally our esteemed web miners at Tacky Raccoons run short of post ideas due to prior commitments and responsibilities (like, um, well, other important stuff.) When we run out of unique post images or topics, we resort to a simple parlor trick: Google an image of a random word, see what pops up, and exploit it for pennies on the dollar. (You wanna see LEDs on sheep? You won’t find it here. We don’t play the viral game.)
Today we’re talking new age hair.*
As we age, our bodies change in ways we only laughed about in grade school. A few long eyebrow hairs are kinda cool, but ear hair is not. Nor is the onslaught of middle age nose hair. I have all three.
Fortunately, modern technology provides the answer for two-thirds of them, and the vacuum abhorred by nature is filled by this wonderful creation:
Be forewarned that if you use this appliance for ear hair, it will change your eye color as well as the color and pattern of your shirt.
For sale here at the low price of $5.99 (unfortunately no used ones are listed.) Get one for each nostril for only $11.98 plus snipping and handling. An optional stainless steel flail attachment is available to grind out the crusties.
Not for use as a unowot, regardless of crusties.
[Image found here. Nose Hair Opinion Poll results here.] Continue reading “New Age Hair”
Little Miss Sasquatch: Polish and Spit
“Now… with my face tripping me, I trundle and stravaig wearily behind Mrs Bastard, and Mrs Bastard’s mammy. My houghs are aching, my arms fair pulled out of their oxter’s, carrying shopping bags the equivalent in weight of a Volkswagen under each arm. My mooth being drier than the watering holes of the Sudan. My bank balance lighter than a ballerinas fart, I am continuing to rue my words woefully.”
I’ve got little idea of what Jimmy Bastard is ranting about, but anyone who uses a phrase as delicate as “lighter than a ballerina’s fart” is okay by me. It’s somehow connected with this picture:
There’s also gotta be a pun in there somewhere. Have at it.
[Image and quote from here. He warned me, too.]
28 MARCH 8:30PM – PARTY LIKE IT’S 2009
At 8:30PM tonight, make sure you turn all your lights on, power up your TVs and stereos, and celebrate the Technological Achievements of Humanity. Get in your cars and drive somewhere, just for the sake of it, and just for fun. Raise and lower your garage doors, and run your washing machines. Run the dryer without anything in it. Got a power mower? Crank it up. Heat up your cat’s food in the microwave. Take your dog out to Burger King. Make as many long distance telephone calls as you can. Run your dishwasher with half of the normal load, and run the other half separately. Open up your refrigerator door, and look without removing anything to eat. Do it again. Download updates for all your computer programs and email them to all your friends.
LET’S CELEBRATE AMAZING ACHIEVEMENTS FOR A CHANGE!
“But why should I do that?” you ask. I’ll tell you.
We’re fighting Global Cooling. Mostly we’re fighting Global Idiocy, but let’s call it Global Cooling for now. The feel-good crowd will never know the difference anyway.
Those folks who think that turning their electricity off for an hour will “save the planet” (or “send a message” to someone or something) are the same folks who stood outside their homes a couple of years ago with candle wax dripping over their fingers, believing that the space shuttle was gonna zoom by and take a photo of the earth lit up with peace candles. My message is:
The Amazing WTF
Recently I re-ran into Unfinished Rambler who linked to the Hero Factory and I just had to play: went with my instincts, entered my super powers honestly and was rewarded with that lame-o title. The Hero Factory is kinda like Wikipedia on steroids… 80% accurate, but 20% gets mixed in with the leftover chili.
I’ll accept my alter-ego orange afro image with a kickass flame thrower: too hot to handle, and too cold to hold. Execute Mode Enabled.
Me Sees U…
Mr. Chucklehead
From “60 Minutes” comes this disturbing report:
President Barack Obama said he believes the global financial system remains at risk of implosion with the failure of Citigroup or AIG, touching off “an even more destructive recession and potentially depression.”
His remarks came in a “60 Minutes” interview in which he was pressed by an incredulous Steve Kroft for laughing and chuckling several times while discussing the perilous state of the world’s economy.
“You’re sitting here. And you’re— you are laughing. You are laughing about some of these problems. Are people going to look at this and say, ‘I mean, he’s sitting there just making jokes about money—’ How do you deal with— I mean: explain…” Kroft asks at one point.
“Are you punch drunk?” Kroft says.
“No, no. There’s gotta be a little gallows humor to get you through the day,” Obama says, with a laugh.
Good God.
[Full transcript here.]
Mr. T vs. Chuck Norris vs. …FRANK?!
Ice Refund
Once when the power went out I went to the store and bought several of bags of ice to save the foodstuffs in our refrigerator, but when I got back to the house, the power was back on. So I took the bags of ice back to the store, told them the ice was defective, that it didn’t cool properly. They refunded my money with no questions.
[Image from here.]
Tacky Raccoons 
