The Return of TreeBrain


https://web.archive.org/web/20090728213753/https://tackyraccoons.com/2007/09/27/the-return-of-treebrain/

Mrs. Jenkins

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Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.

Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.

EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.

And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.

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The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)

Here’s Where We Left Off…

From Yesterday’s episode:

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“‘How do I do it?’ I get the kids to do it. They made the mess in the first place. Get up off the floor, honey, and bring me a beer.”

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“Thanks, Hon! I thought we were out!”

“No, dear. Don and Betty just arrived and they brought refreshments.”

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“Well look who else showed up! It’s Olivia and Harry!”

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“What did Harry bring, dear?”

“Uh, a bottle opener… with soda. Did you tell the kids to clean the bathroom?”

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“I thought Rick and Bob were coming.”

“They’re out by the community pool, discussing very important issues of the day, and dinosaurs. They should be here soon.”

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“Don’t worry about them, Dave! We gotcha covered! What’s that racket?!”

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“It’s Brenda from the next trailer over. Let her play it a couple of times, tell her how much you like it, and she’ll stop.”

“Brenda! Is that you? How are you! I need to replace the needle on the phonograph so it doesn’t damage your record. Meanwhile, have a beer!”

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“Honey, where are the kids?”

“Cleaning the bathroom, dear, like you asked.”

[Apparently, Ted and Sally found Mommy’s anti-stress medicine and were out for the rest of the evening.]

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“Hey everybody! Supper’s almost ready, but I forgot to fillet the fish! Let’s have another round!”

“Harry, you’re such a spaz.”

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“Nothing like fish with a good ale I always say.”

“Aw, B.S. Dave. You never say that. Where’s Rick?”

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“Right behind you, John! How ’bout a little after-dinner apertif? Where’s Dan? He was supposed to have dessert ready by now.”

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“Dan? Oh Da-a-an! Where’d he wander off to this time?…”

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[Epilogue: At 7:43 pm, a fist fight erupted over the ruined dessert. 8:25pm the camera crew from COPS arrived. By 9:06pm police had shut down the party, and incarcerated the residents of the entire trailer park, excepting, of course, Ted and Sally who were still navigating multiple dimensions of existence and couldn’t be detected readily.

Everyone lived happily ever after, even though they never spoke to one another again.]

All illustrations above are from the excellent archives of Plan59.

Jerry’s Diner

Bunk’s Rules of the Road:
1. Always flush with your feet.
2. Anything named “Jerry’s Diner” is an excellent place for cheap, good food.

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My all-time favorite (deceased).

THIS Jerry’s Diner in Kent, Ohio, fed me well and cheaply throughout my college years. Seemed to be always open, and was conveniently located for easy stumbling access after the Water Street watering holes closed. There was usually a line out the door by 11pm, and it was longer later. (It was usually snowing, too.)

Wednesday was Fish Fry Night, all you can eat for $2.50, with home fries. Yeah, it was just Mrs. Paul’s with potatoes. We’d pass on supper on Tuesday just to take advantage of the deal, until one Wednesday too many we cleaned them out of frozen battered fish… that’s when they changed the rules.

After that, each of us had a limit of ten battered fish fillets. Period. Half of what we normally ate. Life’s just not fair sometimes.

I think that Hairy Mary had something to do with it. She was the waitress, and when she was in a bad mood, your order was launched down the counter at you and you had to catch it. Her bad mood seemed to coincide with whenever we stepped inside.

[UPDATE 19 NOVEMBER 2008: JERRY’S DINER HAS BEEN PURCHASED. THE NEW OWNER IS MOVING IT TO CLEVELAND FOR REFURBISHING AND POSSIBLE RELOCATION TO KENT. NEWS AS IT HAPPENS.]

[UPDATE 5 OCTOBER 2008:  JERRY’S DINER, KENT, OHIO, IS SLATED FOR DEMOLITION THIS MONTH.  STORY AFTER THE BREAK.]

[UPDATE 15 FEB 2009: Cleveland Plain Dealer article after the break.]


Here are some other “Jerry’s Diners” that showed up on a google search.

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Grub

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Eats

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Jerry’s

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Closed

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Open

Continue reading “Jerry’s Diner”

“What’s for Dinner, Honey?”

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“Pantry’s empty, dear. We gotta settle for cat food.”

(Photo source unknown.)

LOL Possums

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