Delinquents with Combs

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“Juvenile Delinquents might be nasty… and they might be rude…. and they might even be violent — But you can never accuse them of being sloppy. For instance, have you ever noticed how hoodlums always have PERFECT HAIR? It’s no accident… Every street hood knows that looking good is as important as knowing how to hotwire a car or jimmy open a vending machine. And now we’re going to share their secret with you…

“Delinquents With Combs looks like a classic switchblade knife. But when you press the button, a handy comb springs out instead of a blade. When open, the switchblade comb measures 9-inches long and even has a safety lock to prevent it from opening unexpectedly.

“Delinquents With Combs comes in a really cool package, too. It depicts a tough greaser fiercely wielding his switchblade comb. So if you want to look good and feel cool, get one of these babies. (a leather jacket and a ripped t-shirt wouldn’t hurt, either)”

Too hot to handle and too cold to hold, this rockin’ item will get ’em hooked and reeled in when you tame your mane with a springloaded lady killer like this. I got mine, and no, you can’t borrow it, lice brain. Stand up like a pup and put some glide in your stride. I gotcher hot tottie, gonna take her for a ride. So listen loser, the comb gets her home, so quit shadow boxing me and cough up your piggy bank before I rearrange your freckles, dork.

[Image from NoPuedeCreer, but the original source and description appear to be from here. Vaguely related post here.]

(I Can Has Cheezburger?)

Um…

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Ah, um…

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Bunk can tolerate microwaved frozen sliders, and experienced the joys of igde pshat and the Habañero, but I have to draw the line at this canned delicacy. For now.

[Story found here. Image found via link. Original story, um, I dunno. Maybe here. In English or Spanish, it’s still wrong.]

Rock Candy

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Look here. Bunk knows peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and you, Reese, are no peanut butter and banana sandwich maker.

What young Bunky liked better were peanut butter and sweet pickle sandwiches, combining the flavor of Jif with the crunch of baby gerkins. And vice versa.

Fortunately, Reese acknowleged that these bastardized confections have artificial flavor, so you can rest assured that it doesn’t taste exactly like the King. They made up for the chicanery by labeling the bag, “Collector Edition,” thus snagging all the compulsive candy-collectors investors hoping to score big bucks months or years from now in the Reese’s Cups futures market.

So just how many bags do you have stashed away in your safe deposit box?

[Image from Bockety.]

Rubber (Duckies) Soul

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Neatorama is amazing. Their crack team of webminers found Joliet Jake and Elwood Blues recast as Rubber Duckies. Made me wanna take a warm bath with an 8-track player nearby belting out Sam and Dave’s Greatest Hits

Until I followed the Neatorama link and found this:

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“Ah Pity Da Foo Who Don’t Lather, Rinse, Repeat!”

No way am I getting wet with Mr. T unless it’s raining. Other excellent Mr. T accouterments may be found here, here, and especially here.

Related Rubber Duckie report from the world-renowned Strutts News Services may be found here, and for you afficionados, more specific duck info here.

And Bunk just broke his own record for most links in a single post. G’head and click on ’em, but be back here in time for dessert, okay?

Bunk Speaks

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Folks,

We’ve noticed a few broken links on past posts. If any of you happen to notice videos that don’t play, images that don’t load, lettuce know, and we’ll do our best to fix ’em. YouTube is kinda notorious for pulling videos, and if they yank ’em, we won’t know unless you tell us. Leave a comment on the post with the damaged linkage and we’ll give it a bandage, because, after all, readers of TackyRaccoons visit this site for perfection, and you rock.

Bunk

P.S. TackyRacoons made it past the first cut for January at www.iblogcup.com. 2nd elimination round is going on so vote once a day, but only if you really want to. Maybe we’ll win a cupcake or something. If so, we’ll share it with you because we like to share. It’s just the way we are. Sometimes.

[UPDATE: Tacky Raccoons came in 4th place in January, but there were apparently some shenanigans going on according to the webmaster. Sorry, no cupcake.]

The .Gif Friday Post No. 17: “Look Ma! No Friction!”

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MagLev Bicycle For Sale 30% Off.

DVDs for Cats? Eeeew.

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If you buy this thinking that your cat is smart enough to turn on the TV, turn on the DVD player, open this box, put the DVD into the player, find the remote, grab a beer, hit “PLAY” and actually pay attention to this ridiculous exploitation of people who think cats are humans trapped in the bodies of furry lizards, you should pay triple the price as a penalty. Wait. That’s wrong… hand over the contents of your wallet and sign over your bank account to the first person you meet named Bunk.

A much cheaper version is available, and it’s free. It’s called “Throw the Cat Outside Like You’re Supposed To.”

[Image from Chiquiworld.]

Last Minute Gift Idea: Electronic Bubble Wrap

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This is beyond the Valley of Stupid, past the Hill of Morons, and all the way up to the Citadel of Ignoramus, but it’s available here. The site has an appropriately annoying soundtrack, too, to remind you of what bubble wrap popping sounds like. China knows that we’ll buy anything except for an oil pipeline from the Alaskan arctic desert, and they’re banking on bubble wrap popping audio electronics for now.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d be hawking it right here if I’d thought of it first.

P.S. Don’t buy it yet. This is only the beta analog version. Digital is coming out in January.

One More Great Gift Idea

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Everyone should have an Albino Bowler Action Figure, if only to go with that Lunch Lady Action Figure you have on your desk.

[Image from here via RGS.]

Great Gift Idea for Hannukah

As a regular goy, it just occurred to me that I’ve inadvertently overlooked our non-goyim friends and readers who celebrate Hannukah this time of year. To recompense for my accidental oversite, here’s this gift suggestion:

A DELUXE EDITION of NO LIMIT TEXAS DREIDEL

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[I didn’t make that up. Ask Kinky Friedman. Here’s the link, found here. At least it’s not “Strip Dreidel.”]