“Juvenile Delinquents might be nasty… and they might be rude…. and they might even be violent — But you can never accuse them of being sloppy. For instance, have you ever noticed how hoodlums always have PERFECT HAIR? It’s no accident… Every street hood knows that looking good is as important as knowing how to hotwire a car or jimmy open a vending machine. And now we’re going to share their secret with you…
“Delinquents With Combs looks like a classic switchblade knife. But when you press the button, a handy comb springs out instead of a blade. When open, the switchblade comb measures 9-inches long and even has a safety lock to prevent it from opening unexpectedly.
“Delinquents With Combs comes in a really cool package, too. It depicts a tough greaser fiercely wielding his switchblade comb. So if you want to look good and feel cool, get one of these babies. (a leather jacket and a ripped t-shirt wouldn’t hurt, either)”
Too hot to handle and too cold to hold, this rockin’ item will get ’em hooked and reeled in when you tame your mane with a springloaded lady killer like this. I got mine, and no, you can’t borrow it, lice brain. Stand up like a pup and put some glide in your stride. I gotcher hot tottie, gonna take her for a ride. So listen loser, the comb gets her home, so quit shadow boxing me and cough up your piggy bank before I rearrange your freckles, dork.
[Image from NoPuedeCreer, but the original source and description appear to be from here. Vaguely related post here.]
Study this photo closely, folks. It’s not as easy as it looks, and looks can be very deceiving. Leave your best guesses in the comments section below. Or not. Loyal readers of TackyRaccoons are notorious for not posting comments (except for you 3 or 4 who do) so I’ll help you out.
1. The color is all wrong. The baboso on the left should have white shorts on.
2. They’re all drinking bottle beer. This is a no-no in a pool area, as glass can break and you won’t see the shards until you sit on them and your buddy has to pick ’em out with tweezers.
3. The table isn’t stable. Those top-heavy all purpose garage-sale dealies are unstable on dry land, let alone in a pool.
4. Tan lines. No one who lives in the region where this photo was taken has the word “sun” in their lexicon. (Photo was taken outside of Minsk. Or maybe Cleveland.)
5. Their music really sucks. It’s obvious that these three (yes, three… see the hand on the right?) are rocking out to Cindy Lauper’s Greatest Hits Volume 4, on a bootlegged cassette tape.
6. Because the “pool” is obviously located on a hillside, the water should’ve run out long before the three boobs got in.
7. The photo was taken at 3PM. That’s night in the Ukraine.
I think I nailed most of them. Notice other wrong things? Go for it.
Bunk can tolerate microwaved frozen sliders, and experienced the joys of igde pshat and the Habañero, but I have to draw the line at this canned delicacy. For now.
[Story found here. Image found via link. Original story, um, I dunno. Maybe here. In English or Spanish, it’s still wrong.]
Bunk’s jaw dropped when his daughter Seraphina Strutts presented this excellent find from the Utoobage, and said, “I don’t know if you’ll like this, Dad, but Mom laughed her Hasselhoff.”
Bunk likes it, especially the mashup between 1938’s “You Can’t Take It With You” and the 5 Discs’ 1962 recording of “Never Let You Go.”
And speaking of the music of 1962, here’s music from 1964: Joey Dee and the Starlighters, limp-sinking a medley of their greatest hit. Joey’s head is huge in this video while the guy on the right looks like a pinhead. Must be a result of early video lens distortion. [Mr. Dee has a delightfully awful website here.] When I was a teenager, I found his album “Live at the Peppermint Lounge” at a garage sale. All the songs sound like this one, kinda like a pre-Ramones formula. (Papa Strutts once categorized it as “all drums and lights.”)
As sappy as this sounds, Joey Dee and the Starlighters had some serious connections to future rock n roll heavyweights. From Wikipedia:
“…the most famous lineup of Joey Dee and The Starliters is considered to be Joey Dee, David Brigati, Larry Vernieri (vocals), Carlton Lattimore (organ), and Willie Davis (drums). Later members of the touring group would include Eddie Brigati (David’s brother), Gene Cornish, and Felix Cavaliere – three-quarters of The Young Rascals – as well as guitarist Jimmy James (later known as Jimi Hendrix) and Charles Neville of The Neville Brothers.”
And speaking of the music of 1964, here’s an A&E clip about 1966, and James Marshall Hendrix.
Where else but here can you get semi-cognizant linkage between 1938 and 1966?
“Hey Hey We’re the Art Students! Come in watches sing in play! Where de young generation, and we’ve got some awesome yellow catmasks on.” –Micky Dolenz’ first draft for the Monkees Theme, 1964.
I can’t tell if those are carrots or misshapen Cheeto’s. They’re prolly carrots, given the Gubernator’s penchant for fitness and health. Donkeys like carrots, too.
And just to make up for that thinly veiled political jab at Mr. Schwarzenegger, here’s this bonus: California Tax Dollars at work.
Oooh. This just reeks of serious Babe Magnetage.
(bob-A’ mog-neh-tahzh‘, fr., noun pl.)
The proud owner of this all-weather cruiser has mastered the art of cobbling together leftovers from Revelle models in full scale. No paint required. Bald front tires don’t matter, as the rear set provides traction, assisted by a rotted plywood box full of cobble ballast supported by seatbelt-strap come-alongs. The front tires act as skis. He’s also saved money on the headlights: one for hi-beam, one for low. Pure efficient genius.
“Hey, Babe, hop in! We goin’ to the tree-plowin’ competition! Sorry the heater don’t work, slide over here. I got the cd player installed underneath the seat (Yeah, the milk crate. I bolted it down this time. Here, put this cardboard on it) but weasels chewed up my speakers and now they just rattle. How ’bout singin’ Bobby McGee?”
Tacky Raccoons 
