Category: Stupid

Tweety Bird Dead at 67

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Palm Springs, California (Strutts News Services) – Long admired yet not forgotten, Robert “Tweety Bird” Balderstien passed away at the age of 67 at his ranch home in Palm Desert, Southern California.

Robert Svenson Balderstien, hatched in 1942 in Suffolk, Massachusetts, by immigrant parents, adapted to the stage early, despite his hydrocephelitic condition. Contrary to popular belief, his medical condition did not cause his speech impediment, and for years he battled the stereotype.

Balderstien also rejected the contention that he was female, and fought the resulting insinuations and innuendos all his life before retiring in seclusion in Palm Desert, California.

sylvester-tweety“I never said, ‘I tawt I taw a puddy tat.’  I have perfect enunciation, but Warner Brothers chose to overdub my voice, and I was stuck with it ever since.”

Longtime friend and companion, Sylvester The Cat, also of Palm Desert, gave a touching eulogy that ended with, “Yeah.  I’ll mith him the motht. He alwayth thought he thaw me, and motht timeth he motht thertainly did.”

[Image from here.  Related obituary here.]

Mr. Hand, Mrs. Arse, Mrs. Knee, Mr. Foot

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U.S. Senators crack me up.  Thank god they’re in office so that we don’t have to think for ourselves.  Betcha can’t name the four in the photo.  Betcha can’t.

[Found here.]

Dork Glasses

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These glasses, believe it or not, are for their own protection.  See link for the full story.

[Found here, by way of  here.]

The .gif Friday Post No.75 – YupYipPeep

yup-yup-yup

YupYupYupYup

yip-yip-yip

Yip Yip Yip Yip

peep-peep-peep

Peep… Peep… Peep… Peep

Easter Bunny knows.

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He’s not the only one who knows when you’ve been bad or good…

[Found here.]

New Age Hair

nosehairOccasionally our esteemed web miners at Tacky Raccoons run short of post ideas due to prior commitments and responsibilities (like, um, well, other important stuff.)  When we run out of unique post images or topics, we resort to a simple parlor trick:  Google an image of a random word,  see what pops up,  and exploit it for pennies on the dollar.  (You wanna see LEDs on sheep? You won’t find it here. We don’t play the viral game.)

Today we’re talking new age hair.*

As we age, our bodies change in ways we only laughed about in grade school.  A few long eyebrow hairs are kinda cool, but ear hair is not.  Nor is the onslaught of middle age nose hair.  I have all three.

Fortunately, modern technology provides the answer for two-thirds of them, and the vacuum abhorred by nature is filled by this wonderful creation:

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Be forewarned that if you use this appliance for ear hair, it will change your eye color as well as the color and pattern of your shirt.

For sale here at the low price of $5.99 (unfortunately no used ones are listed.)  Get one for each nostril for only $11.98 plus snipping and handling.  An optional stainless steel flail attachment is available to grind out the crusties.

Not for use as a unowot, regardless of crusties.

[Image found here. Nose Hair Opinion Poll results here.] Continue reading “New Age Hair”

Babe Magnet: The Batmoboil

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Whoa.  Batman logo with tinyperkynipples, on a Chrysler Minivan no less.  Let’s all scream, “PARTYMOBILE!”  Bijonce and her sister Charlondra be gonna jump de bones of the driver of this dragon wagon, assuming they can see over the hood to appreciate the majesty of it all.

Of course the neighborhood girls are way underage, and the only way they’d see the attraction is if Bozoman personally lifted them higher than his blood alcohol level x the height of the hood ornament. Fortunately Bozoman can’t, and has to rely on subterfuge to get his prey into the Mommyvan.  Fortunately for Bijonce and her sister, they’re both armed with tasers and the bone-breaking physical paybacks of the self-defense kind.

This conundrum leaves Bozoman with nothing but his two Bozofriends and a couple of quarts of beer.  Since no significant otter, either outside or inside of Bozoman’s Mommyvan, can view the Batmoboil Logo, the only way the lame-o paintjob boosts this embarrassing piece of dorkness to the level of  Babe Magnet is in the mindvapors of Bozoman himself.

[This image from Woosk, related by bastardized ancestry to this post, has been added to the Great Babe Magnet Archive.]

Little Miss Sasquatch: Polish and Spit

“Now… with my face tripping me, I trundle and stravaig wearily behind Mrs Bastard, and Mrs Bastard’s mammy. My houghs are aching, my arms fair pulled out of their oxter’s, carrying shopping bags the equivalent in weight of a Volkswagen under each arm. My mooth being drier than the watering holes of the Sudan. My bank balance lighter than a ballerinas fart, I am continuing to rue my words woefully.”

I’ve got little idea of what Jimmy Bastard is ranting about, but anyone who uses a phrase as delicate as “lighter than a ballerina’s fart” is okay by me.  It’s somehow connected with this picture:

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There’s also gotta be a pun in there somewhere. Have at it.
[Image and quote from here.  He warned me, too.]

28 MARCH 8:30PM – PARTY LIKE IT’S 2009

Earth Hour – Let’s celebrate!

At 8:30PM tonight, make sure you turn all your lights on, power up your TVs and stereos, and celebrate the Technological Achievements of Humanity.  Get in your cars and drive somewhere, just for the sake of it, and just for fun.  Raise and lower your garage doors, and run your washing machines.  Run the dryer without anything in it.  Got a power mower? Crank it up.  Heat up your cat’s food  in the microwave.  Take your dog out to Burger King.  Make as many long distance telephone calls as you can.  Run your dishwasher with half of the normal load, and run the other half separately.  Open up your refrigerator door, and look without removing anything to eat.  Do it again.  Download updates for all your computer programs and email them to all your friends.

LET’S CELEBRATE AMAZING ACHIEVEMENTS FOR A CHANGE!

“But why should I do that?” you ask.  I’ll tell you.

We’re fighting Global Cooling.  Mostly we’re fighting Global Idiocy, but let’s call it Global Cooling for now.  The feel-good crowd will never know the difference anyway.

Those folks who think that turning their electricity off for an hour will “save the planet” (or “send a message” to someone or something) are the same folks who stood outside their homes a couple of years ago with candle wax dripping over their fingers, believing that the space shuttle was gonna zoom by and take a photo of the earth lit up with peace candles.  My message is:

PUT YOUR LIGHTS ON!

Saturday Matinee: Judge ’em for yourselves

They have a website.  Really.

[Links above were found via AfroJacks.]

Great parody by National Lampoon, back when they were funny existed.

Nice reference to Ten Years After’s “I’d Love To Change The World”  at 2:25 above.  So here ’tis:

“Tax the rich, feed the poor, until there are rich no more.”

Alvin Lee and Ten Years After (live at Woodstock 1969) covered over a dozen classic blues songs in one great jam.