Pirates Attack Venice with Rabbit

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Venice, Italy (Strutts News Services) – Pirates mounted an attack on this historical port Thursday. In classic Piratese, the invaders hollered “Avast ye scalawags! Scuttle yer dragoons! Behold the Cuniculus of Doom! Arrrggh!” as they piloted toward their conquest of the City of Wet and opened fire.

Once the battle was underway, Cap’m Pomello di Porta, with eye patch, peg leg and parrot, retreated to the foc’s’l. “All ye lobsconses hae control. I’m goin’ below to play wit me byrd.”

52 cannon shots peppered the vicinity with what locals described as “magenta e fuscia rabbiti pellettis.”

No one was injured, no one walked the plank, and the pirates were captured and mocked mercilessly by German tourists. A massive Hassenpfeffer was prepared for the victory celebration.

[Full story with video and music here, via Hanuman.]

Beware of the TV Police

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You can’t hide them from us because we know you have them. You can’t keep them turned off forever. Resistance is futile.

[Photo source unknown.]

Sing I Fungi

Looks a lot like “Make My People Sing.” Sort of. You can search for Bunk’s minimalist contributions on that mildly amusing annoying site. The little tads will like it.

(Photo is from an excellent photo compilation website site with the initials DRB, but I’ve contracted the same dloader trojan twice from there, on two separate unconnected computers, and I won’t visit it again. I can’t prove it, but the infections I got are beyond coincidence for me. The trojan is nasty and hard to get rid of. You’re on your own. –Bunk)

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 2

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If I was a Dog

Via Arbroath.

Nuclear Retractable Reciprocating Directional Pop-Up Sprinkler Head With State of the Art Fully Adjustable Hose Clamps Passes Tests !

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No other explanation necessary, and they should be hitting the market soon. You won’t find this in the MainStreamMedia.

(Photo link lost due to global warming. We’ll repost & credit the source when we find it. Honest.)

UPDATE:  Here be the source.

Mower Breeder

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The young ones always follow their mother. Obviously he’s breeding, raising and training them somewhere in Port Huron, and I bet he gets big bucks for every trained thoroughbred mower, too.

(Photo from Port Huron Times Herald, via OMGPlasticJesus.)

Mrs. Jenkins

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Mrs. Jenkins. Everyone knew her by name, yet she knew none of ours. She never spoke, except when we walked down the line pretending to stick our fingers down our throats.

Mrs. Jenkins was The Lunch Lady, and she had a hair net and a mole. She worked the serving line in the Maple Dale Elementary School cafeteria serving up fluorescent orange “sloppy joes” on buns that were more like pancakes; warm egg salad; green orbs with orange cubes (both having the consistency of PlayDoh) labeled as “peas & carrots;” and cheeseburgers consisting of a rectangular piece of asphalt roof shingle with a triangle of Velveeta. Oh, yeah… macaroni and Velveeta was available everyday.

EVERYBODY REMEMBERS MRS. JENKINS.

And now you can purchase Mrs. Jenkins, The Lunch Lady Action Figure just as you remember her and make her eat that garbage.

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The Lunch Lady Action Figure comes complete with steam table inserts for Mac & Velv, PlayDoh Peas, Mystery Meat, and all the other choices we shunned as kids. (Honest, I’m not shilling for them, but it’s available here. Other photo from here.)

TEMPERATURES INCREASE AROUND GLOBE

Globe, AZ (Strutts News Services) – According to one reputable source, TWC, Global temperatures are expected to increase as much as 26 degrees fahrenheit tomorrow, but should cool off later in the day. One local business owner isn’t happy.

Collie Davis of “Globe Industries” bemoans the extreme heat fluctuations. “We specialize in manufacturing garden gnomes. They come in many earth-tone colors, but this temperature shift has turned our entire stock to lobster red. Red Gnomes are ugly and just plain stupid!”

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Johan VanDinck, spokesgnome for URG (Union of Red Gnomes), threatened a mass walkout unless Davis retracts his statement. “There ain’t gonna be no Christmas until we settle this.”

Ongoing story is heating up; news here as it happens. Photo via Variant.

Vehicular Rollover Ahead

“Everybody buckled up?”

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“Let’s roll.”

Photo via Authorblog.