TEMPERATURES INCREASE AROUND GLOBE

Globe, AZ (Strutts News Services) – According to one reputable source, TWC, Global temperatures are expected to increase as much as 26 degrees fahrenheit tomorrow, but should cool off later in the day. One local business owner isn’t happy.

Collie Davis of “Globe Industries” bemoans the extreme heat fluctuations. “We specialize in manufacturing garden gnomes. They come in many earth-tone colors, but this temperature shift has turned our entire stock to lobster red. Red Gnomes are ugly and just plain stupid!”

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Johan VanDinck, spokesgnome for URG (Union of Red Gnomes), threatened a mass walkout unless Davis retracts his statement. “There ain’t gonna be no Christmas until we settle this.”

Ongoing story is heating up; news here as it happens. Photo via Variant.

TGIF: The .gif Friday Night Post I

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Sources for .gif files like this are generally unknown to me, and I’ve been collecting them for years. No copyright infringement is intended, etc., etc. These can be found all over the internest, if you know where to look. – Bunk

Didymo = Rock Snot

Your Town, This Planet (Strutts News Services) –
No, we’re not talking about punk or rap music here. Rock Snot is real. Be afraid.

From CSM: “In the late 1980s, a freshwater alga began mysteriously blooming in the rivers of Vancouver, British Columbia, covering once-pristine riverbeds with a thick, woolly mat. Dubbed “rock snot” for its yellowish color and globular form…”

From AP via MSNBC: “It looks like a clump of soiled sheep’s wool, a cottony green or white mass that’s turning up on rocks and river bottoms, snarling waterways.”

From SNS: “Janessa Vapors, a nineteenth-grader at the Institute for Apocalyptic Studies at the University of Social Engineering, Placerville, California states, ‘Global Warming is not the problem, but Rock Snot is a real threat. We’ve got to find a way to harvest it and process it into food. Theoretically, if everyone on this planet ate a pound of it a day, the equivalent of 10,337 cars would be taken off the road; I’ve run the numbers. We’ve got to start now to solve this crisis, but we need more government funding.'”

If you want to keep Rock Snot from proliferating, quit messing with it and eat it. I don’t know about you, but I’m already packing to leave before it gets me, just in case, and I suggest you do the same.

All photos and quotes are from embedded links above.

The Zen of Nancy

Ernie Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was one of the most innocuous yet ubiquitous comic strips ever. It was never funny or clever, it was just odd, and it ran in hundreds of papers for decades. There are many Nancy afficionados/analysts out there, just google ’em. One of the best taps into the zen of the strip, with a game called, “Five Card Nancy,” and it’s not funny either.

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Although Nancy didn’t have a mom or a dad in the strip, her Aunt Fritzi took care of her. Fritzi was a babe, and better looking than Blondie. Honest.

Nancy’s best friend Sluggo was odd in his own zen-like way:

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There are so many pointless, humorless comic strips around today that try to be funny. At least Bushmiller’s “Nancy” was deliberately pointless and rarely humorous, but it was drafted in a tight recognizable style.

Sources: Nancy panel clipped from the Sunday funnies years ago; Aunt Fritzi from here; Sluggo panels from here and here.

HE has a sense of humo(u)r.

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Yamba, New South Wales – (Strutts News Services)

Once again, GOD played a prank on the seaside community of Yamba on Thursday when he purchased a bottle of Ivory Liquid, metasized it, and poured it into the Pacific Ocean just 10 miles off the coast. The ocean knew what to do and churned up foam that spread 30 miles.

“Only the Almighty could pull one off like this,” said resident Robert “Dinker” Dinques. “We joke alot that HE must be bored watching us and all, and once in a while HE stirs the pot up a bit.”

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Photos via Arbroath. True story may be found there as well.

ZIGGY DEAD AT 36

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Ft. Lauderdale, FL – (Strutts News Services)
Beloved cartoon character “Ziggy” succumbed to a heat stroke on Thursday, when record temperatures caused an overload in the local power grid, shutting down the air conditioning in Mr. Z’s beach front condo. He was found unconscious and unresponsive by Lt. Commander Lannie Foosers of the Ft. Lauderdale Health and Rescue Division, and was pronounced dead on arrival at Holy Cross Hospital.

“Ziggy was a good guy, a guy you could trust,” sobbed neighbor and close friend, Ms. Janessa Vapors. “He wouldn’t not do nothin’ to not harm a flea, and now he’s gone. He’d trip over my sprinkler hose and get soaked at least once a week.”

“He always looked kinda waxy,” commented Mr. Bob Bieber, Ziggy’s groundskeeper. “He never looked like he had pants on, but his dog was okay.”

From Toonopedia: “His supporting cast includes a dog, Fuzz, whose main function is to echo and amplify Ziggy’s actions; a cat, Sid, who is afraid of mice; a parrot, Josh, who seldom has anything encouraging to say; a duck, Wack; and a fish, Goldie. These are augmented by an endless stream of auto mechanics, department store clerks, fortune tellers, psychoanalists, waitresses, etc., none of whom do much to brighten his life. He does not have a girlfriend.”

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(Photo: Ziggy and Fuzz in happier days)

Rest in Peace, Zigman. We’ll miss you.

Summertime in London

summertime-in-london.jpgCheck on him in the fall. Find out how cold the winter’s gonna be.
Photo snatched from here.

I Don’t Wanna Grow Up

Classic Ramones song, “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up,” as performed by Tom Waits:

Classic Tom Waits song, “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up,” as performed by the Ramones:

If I had to pick the only song that I was allowed to listen to for the rest of my life, this wouldn’t be it. Both versions might make my top 500, though.

P.S. Tom Waits wrote it.

[1st link via LGF. ]

Here’s Where We Left Off…

From Yesterday’s episode:

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“‘How do I do it?’ I get the kids to do it. They made the mess in the first place. Get up off the floor, honey, and bring me a beer.”

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“Thanks, Hon! I thought we were out!”

“No, dear. Don and Betty just arrived and they brought refreshments.”

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“Well look who else showed up! It’s Olivia and Harry!”

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“What did Harry bring, dear?”

“Uh, a bottle opener… with soda. Did you tell the kids to clean the bathroom?”

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“I thought Rick and Bob were coming.”

“They’re out by the community pool, discussing very important issues of the day, and dinosaurs. They should be here soon.”

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“Don’t worry about them, Dave! We gotcha covered! What’s that racket?!”

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“It’s Brenda from the next trailer over. Let her play it a couple of times, tell her how much you like it, and she’ll stop.”

“Brenda! Is that you? How are you! I need to replace the needle on the phonograph so it doesn’t damage your record. Meanwhile, have a beer!”

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“Honey, where are the kids?”

“Cleaning the bathroom, dear, like you asked.”

[Apparently, Ted and Sally found Mommy’s anti-stress medicine and were out for the rest of the evening.]

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“Hey everybody! Supper’s almost ready, but I forgot to fillet the fish! Let’s have another round!”

“Harry, you’re such a spaz.”

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“Nothing like fish with a good ale I always say.”

“Aw, B.S. Dave. You never say that. Where’s Rick?”

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“Right behind you, John! How ’bout a little after-dinner apertif? Where’s Dan? He was supposed to have dessert ready by now.”

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“Dan? Oh Da-a-an! Where’d he wander off to this time?…”

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[Epilogue: At 7:43 pm, a fist fight erupted over the ruined dessert. 8:25pm the camera crew from COPS arrived. By 9:06pm police had shut down the party, and incarcerated the residents of the entire trailer park, excepting, of course, Ted and Sally who were still navigating multiple dimensions of existence and couldn’t be detected readily.

Everyone lived happily ever after, even though they never spoke to one another again.]

All illustrations above are from the excellent archives of Plan59.

Heterochromia Catlights

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This feline is possessed… with Heterochromia. Two different colored eyes, the sign of a Bruja. Don’t mess with it.

In my case, though, soy un Brujo. Dangerous to mess with Bunk, also.