While on a lunchbreak sojourn researching modern Japanese anthropology today, I found this photo on Gaijin Tonic. Apparently the picture is a group of Scouser-mocking Mancs at a match. As a Yank, I had to look up Scouser in the Urban Dictionary, where I found definition No.24 of 40 very helpful:
i hate the way wools go on about scousers it really annoys me. If half of the stupid greasy heded gelled haired scals actually got their facts right then they would realise that 70% of the crime rate is actually in manchester/ warrington areas an not in liverpool! so the next time a wool calls u a scal or ses “go an rob a car” tell them to f*** off an go an wash there greasy permed haired an to go an get it dyed agen cos the roots are down to their a**! Wools wear baggy jeans an footy shirts wich just dont go an big sketcher trainers with big chunky light up heals on the bottom also last years fashion coats with there hair gelled bak so it wont move out of place for two centurys an have light blue eyeshadow on with big hop earings an two dangly peaces of hair down the side of their face an not forgetting the famous “hoodies” wich luk an absoloute show an jus luk scruffy so all u wools can f** off hu skit scousers an am sure thereare sum wools hu are nice in fact i no there are wools hu r nice but scousers are nice too so dont f**ing forget it!!!nobs
wool: “haha say funky chicken haha hehe”
Scouser: er no go an wash ye hair ye scruff.
Hope that clears it up as much for my fellow U.S. readers as it did for me. As for you Scousers, Mancs and Wools: Knot bin shirty, no skit, jes havn a giraffe. ‘Sall tickety boo wit Bunk. (Where can I get “footy shirts wich just don’t go?” That description alone hooks me.)
Paris, Hilton (Strutts News Services) – The Cheetos sculpture featured here a coupla days ago has since been dismantled, piece-by-piece by an expert team of engineers (above).
Each and every Cheeto of the sculpture was carefully numbered, and its position in the sculpture was meticulously recorded, in order to transport and reassemble it in other artistic venues.
Unfortunately, five members of UCHU Local 21 (United Cheetos Handlers Union) disassembled the entire sculpture within 45 minutes, but neglected to preserve the integrity of the inch-long building blocks.
UCHU spokesman Dion DiMucci of Belmont (2nd from right in back) stated, “We were hired to dismantle it. Nothing in our contract said we couldn’t chew it down.”
Now for the weather: Scattered litigation, with payoffs, is expected.
[UPDATE: Feast of Palmer has a link to a “Rubber Biscuit” post-cursor, Sherriff & the Ravel’s “Shombolar” of 1959. Surprisingly similar… or not.]
In 1956, The Chips recorded “Rubber Biscuit” on the Josie label. An original copy of this 45rpm gem should fetch $100 plus today.
Then came The Blues Brothers. Dan Akroyd, aka “Elwood Blues,” did a fine rendition, very close to the original Chips version. He kicks it at 2 minutes into the video. If you are already familiar with this icon of American popular music, here are the lyrics as the Chips did it; otherwise, come back up here and practice after the song has burned another small greenish brown spot in the section of your brain labeled “Optional.”
RUBBER BISCUIT
The Chips: Nathaniel Epps, Charles “Kenrod” Johnson, Shedrick Lincoln, Samuel Strain Jr., Paul Fulton.
1956 Josie Records 803
Cow cow hoo-oo
Cow cow hoo-oo
Cow cow wanna dib-a-doo
Chick’n hon-a-chick-a-chick hole-a-hubba
Hell fried chuck-a-lucka wanna jubba
Hi-low ‘n-ay wanna dubba hubba
Day down sum wanna jigga-wah
Dell rown ay wanna lubba hubba
Mull an a mound chicka lubba hubba
Fay down ah wanna dip-a-zip-a-dip-a
Mm-mh, do that again!
Doo doo boooh
Cow cow lubba ‘n a-blubba lubba
Ow rown hibb’n ‘n a-hibba-lu
How low lubbin ‘n a-blubba-lubba
Hell ride ricky ticky hubba lubba
Dull ow de moun’ chicky hubba lubba
Wen down trucka lucka wanna do-uh
How low a zippin ‘n a-hubba-lu
Hell ride ricky ticky blubba-lu
Hell-o duh woody woody pecker pecker
Mm-mh, did you ever hear
of a wish sandwich?
Well that’s the kind of a sandwich
that is supposed to take
two pieces of bread
and wish you had some meat
Doo doo boooh
Cow cow lubba ‘n a-blubba lubba
Hell ride hibbin’ and zippin ‘n
How luva mail take a-lubba hubba
Hey ride wanna tak’ a-recca recca
Ho’ low take a-lubba hubba
Hey ride wanna ‘n suppa suppa
Ho’ low a mail take a-lubba hubba
Hey ride a hippin’ and a-hubbin’ no
Hi-low ‘n sum a-chicka whaa
The other day,
I ate a ricochet biscuit.
Well that’s the kind of biscuit that’s supposed to
bounce off the wall
back in your mouth.
If it don’t bounce back
– shh-mmhh-mmhh
You go hungry!
Doo doo boooh
Cow cow lubba ‘n a-blubba lubba
Hell low a sum did a-lubba goin’
Hey ride wan’ take a-lubba do
How long lon’ suppa dubba
How low a mail take a-lubba hubba
Hey ride wanna take a-lubba hubba
How low a mail take a-lubba hubba
Hey down nothin’ take a-luva do
Hey ride a sippin’ and a hubba dubba
mmmmmh, the other day
I ate a cool water sandwich
and a sunday-go-to-meeting bun.
Doo doo boooh
Cow cow lubba ‘n a-blubba lubba
Hell ride ricky ticky hubba lubba
How low a wann’ suppa do
Hey ride sippin’ and hubba lubba
Hell ride a-hubbin’ and wan’ do
Hey ride a wanna an’ recca recca
Ho’ low a mail take lubba hubba
Hey down a wann’ suppa dubba
Please ride a hubbin’ gonn’ do
What you want for nothin’
r-r-r-Rubber Biscuit!
Doo doo doo boooh
Cooow cooow oo-oooooouuuh
Review the lyrics and print ’em out so the whole family can sing along. Tough one-chord song to sing, and you won’t find the words anywhere else but here (unless you look hard elsewhere).
[Anyone who has an .mp3 file of the Chips’ original is invited to send a link, and we’ll post it and credit you here. –Bunk]
Who says elephants can’t jump. (Don’t bother turning up the sound… just watch it and you’ll hear it, especially if you already have a headache from too many Mondays this week.)
[Standing rules: As with all .gif’s posted here, the original sources have been misplaced, even though I looked behind the couch to find them. Post a comment with the verifiable source(s) and we’ll credit them. –Bunk]
Otis was a recurring character on the Andy Griffith Show. Otis did not invent the elevator. He invented an automatic braking system so that people wouldn’t fall to their deaths if a pulley or cable broke. His invention allowed the construction of modern day high-rise structures.
Aunt Bea invented the elevator, a shoe insert that allowed her to scold Opie without standing on a chair.
Killduff, Iowa (Strutts News Services) – When Gerhard and Bonnie Phumph brought their blonde-labrador puppy home four years ago they made a fateful mistake. On a whim, and after a night of fun at D&T’s Tap in nearby Reasnor, they decided to name their new addition to the family “Sitt.” They were unprepared for what happened next.
Mr. Phumph describes the pup fondly. “Sitt was a fast learner. Almost like she was born speaking English… very obedient, too. She even understood the joke, ‘C’mere, Sitt! C’mere, Sitt!’ but I think she just got tired of it.”
However, Mrs. Phumph describes Sitt as “the dog from hades. Chewed up the whole darn porch couch. I’d had enough and told her to go to H-E-double hockey sticks.”
Sitt obeyed as always, found the shortest route, and dug a 30-inch diameter hole in the middle of Farm Route 57 near Sully. She hasn’t been heard from since, but is expected to emerge somewhere near Trona California by next April.
SNS newscameras will be there when it happens.
[Source: Pedigree dog food advert. Actual source for the original advertisement is unknown, but at least we credited the company.]
Venice, Italy (Strutts News Services) – Pirates mounted an attack on this historical port Thursday. In classic Piratese, the invaders hollered “Avast ye scalawags! Scuttle yer dragoons! Behold the Cuniculus of Doom! Arrrggh!” as they piloted toward their conquest of the City of Wet and opened fire.
Once the battle was underway, Cap’m Pomello di Porta, with eye patch, peg leg and parrot, retreated to the foc’s’l. “All ye lobsconses hae control. I’m goin’ below to play wit me byrd.”
52 cannon shots peppered the vicinity with what locals described as “magenta e fuscia rabbiti pellettis.”
No one was injured, no one walked the plank, and the pirates were captured and mocked mercilessly by German tourists. A massive Hassenpfeffer was prepared for the victory celebration.
[Full story with video and music here, via Hanuman.]
Tacky Raccoons 
