Category: Stupid

“SO WHAT! LOOK WHAT YOU’RE WEARING!”


https://web.archive.org/web/20130424045602/https://tackyraccoons.com/2007/09/16/so-what-look-what-youre-wearing/

Otis Did Not Invent the Elevator

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Otis was a recurring character on the Andy Griffith Show. Otis did not invent the elevator. He invented an automatic braking system so that people wouldn’t fall to their deaths if a pulley or cable broke. His invention allowed the construction of modern day high-rise structures.

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Aunt Bea invented the elevator, a shoe insert that allowed her to scold Opie without standing on a chair.

This is a true story (as far as you know).

[Photos from here and here.]

“Heckhound” Heads Home

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Killduff, Iowa (Strutts News Services) – When Gerhard and Bonnie Phumph brought their blonde-labrador puppy home four years ago they made a fateful mistake. On a whim, and after a night of fun at D&T’s Tap in nearby Reasnor, they decided to name their new addition to the family “Sitt.” They were unprepared for what happened next.

Mr. Phumph describes the pup fondly. “Sitt was a fast learner. Almost like she was born speaking English… very obedient, too. She even understood the joke, ‘C’mere, Sitt! C’mere, Sitt!’ but I think she just got tired of it.”

However, Mrs. Phumph describes Sitt as “the dog from hades. Chewed up the whole darn porch couch. I’d had enough and told her to go to H-E-double hockey sticks.”

Sitt obeyed as always, found the shortest route, and dug a 30-inch diameter hole in the middle of Farm Route 57 near Sully. She hasn’t been heard from since, but is expected to emerge somewhere near Trona California by next April.

SNS newscameras will be there when it happens.

[Source: Pedigree dog food advert. Actual source for the original advertisement is unknown, but at least we credited the company.]

Cubism Carbism

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Paris, France (Strutts News Services) – French automaker Citroën unveiled its latest line of economy vehicles on Thursday, named the “Picasso Series.”

Famous for providing inexpensive reliable transportation for France’s large peasant population following WWII, they have now moved forward into the Cubist Design movement of the 1920’s as they unveiled the latest in a successful line of popular automobiles.

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Chief Industrial Design Engineer Evi Poignée-Bouton de Porte (photo above ca.1994) remarked, “The Picasso design, it is timeless. It shall continue to inspire all well into the Winter.”

[Both photos via No Puedo Creer, an excellent site. In English, it translates to “I Can’t Believe It!” ]

Pirates Attack Venice with Rabbit

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Venice, Italy (Strutts News Services) – Pirates mounted an attack on this historical port Thursday. In classic Piratese, the invaders hollered “Avast ye scalawags! Scuttle yer dragoons! Behold the Cuniculus of Doom! Arrrggh!” as they piloted toward their conquest of the City of Wet and opened fire.

Once the battle was underway, Cap’m Pomello di Porta, with eye patch, peg leg and parrot, retreated to the foc’s’l. “All ye lobsconses hae control. I’m goin’ below to play wit me byrd.”

52 cannon shots peppered the vicinity with what locals described as “magenta e fuscia rabbiti pellettis.”

No one was injured, no one walked the plank, and the pirates were captured and mocked mercilessly by German tourists. A massive Hassenpfeffer was prepared for the victory celebration.

[Full story with video and music here, via Hanuman.]

Beware of the TV Police

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You can’t hide them from us because we know you have them. You can’t keep them turned off forever. Resistance is futile.

[Photo source unknown.]

Sing I Fungi

Looks a lot like “Make My People Sing.” Sort of. You can search for Bunk’s minimalist contributions on that mildly amusing annoying site. The little tads will like it.

(Photo is from an excellent photo compilation website site with the initials DRB, but I’ve contracted the same dloader trojan twice from there, on two separate unconnected computers, and I won’t visit it again. I can’t prove it, but the infections I got are beyond coincidence for me. The trojan is nasty and hard to get rid of. You’re on your own. –Bunk)

If I was a Dog

Via Arbroath.

TEMPERATURES INCREASE AROUND GLOBE

Globe, AZ (Strutts News Services) – According to one reputable source, TWC, Global temperatures are expected to increase as much as 26 degrees fahrenheit tomorrow, but should cool off later in the day. One local business owner isn’t happy.

Collie Davis of “Globe Industries” bemoans the extreme heat fluctuations. “We specialize in manufacturing garden gnomes. They come in many earth-tone colors, but this temperature shift has turned our entire stock to lobster red. Red Gnomes are ugly and just plain stupid!”

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Johan VanDinck, spokesgnome for URG (Union of Red Gnomes), threatened a mass walkout unless Davis retracts his statement. “There ain’t gonna be no Christmas until we settle this.”

Ongoing story is heating up; news here as it happens. Photo via Variant.

Summertime in London

summertime-in-london.jpgCheck on him in the fall. Find out how cold the winter’s gonna be.
Photo snatched from here.