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Category: Superheroes
Babe Magnet: The Batmoboil
Whoa. Batman logo with tinyperkynipples, on a Chrysler Minivan no less. Let’s all scream, “PARTYMOBILE!” Bijonce and her sister Charlondra be gonna jump de bones of the driver of this dragon wagon, assuming they can see over the hood to appreciate the majesty of it all.
Of course the neighborhood girls are way underage, and the only way they’d see the attraction is if Bozoman personally lifted them higher than his blood alcohol level x the height of the hood ornament. Fortunately Bozoman can’t, and has to rely on subterfuge to get his prey into the Mommyvan. Fortunately for Bijonce and her sister, they’re both armed with tasers and the bone-breaking physical paybacks of the self-defense kind.
This conundrum leaves Bozoman with nothing but his two Bozofriends and a couple of quarts of beer. Since no significant otter, either outside or inside of Bozoman’s Mommyvan, can view the Batmoboil Logo, the only way the lame-o paintjob boosts this embarrassing piece of dorkness to the level of Babe Magnet is in the mindvapors of Bozoman himself.
[This image from Woosk, related by bastardized ancestry to this post, has been added to the Great Babe Magnet Archive.]
The Amazing WTF
Recently I re-ran into Unfinished Rambler who linked to the Hero Factory and I just had to play: went with my instincts, entered my super powers honestly and was rewarded with that lame-o title. The Hero Factory is kinda like Wikipedia on steroids… 80% accurate, but 20% gets mixed in with the leftover chili.
I’ll accept my alter-ego orange afro image with a kickass flame thrower: too hot to handle, and too cold to hold. Execute Mode Enabled.
Mr. T vs. Chuck Norris vs. …FRANK?!
SuperUltraMan
Oh Yeah! Finally a realistic Super Hero! Lookee here, he’s got all the important perks:
Red White and Blue symbolism, bulk, strength, the wind behind his back, and and an AJMEFH (Awesome Japanese Monster Eater Fish Helmet) complete with a nuclear navel. SuperUltraman makes the average ultraman cringe and cry by default.
BUT… could he beat these guys?
[Image from here.]
Babe Magnet: Batbug!
Some folks take Batman lore very seriously. And why not? There are no laws, at least in this country, that forbid rabid BatFannage. This particular example is very deceiving in that it efficiently transforms the ubiquitous beetle into the ORIGINAL BATMOBILE with relatively little effort. Yeah, mock it all you want, but then compare it with the genuine item that we’ve provided for your viewing pleasure below:
Okay, the bottom image is a model of the 1940’s version, but you can’t deny the awesome resemblance. Therefore, the esteemed panel of judges at TR have voted unanimously to declare the VW Batmobile to be honored as a true and bonafide Babe Magnet.
On the other side of the coin is BatMockage, and here is a prime but innocent example. 7 out of 8 mocked him correctly. The other one is destined to be an online furnace filter consultant.
Top Image from this FINE collection of batpoopage
(pronounced, bot’ pu pazh‘). Second image, slightly doctored, from here. Bottom image from here. Continue reading “Babe Magnet: Batbug!”
Yeah! RIGHT IN HIS PANTS! EEEW!
I don’t understand it either, but it has something to do with Spiderman and the election results.
[Image from here.]
Kirk vs. T vs. Norris: Battle of the Titans (Part 3)
Chuck. You don’t even have to say his last name before he roundhouse kicks you for even thinking that he might be not be invincible. Chuck vs. Jim vs. Mr. is an awesome conundrum, mainly because all three are good guys who wouldn’t be pounding each other down for the count. They’d join forces and pound ME down for even suggesting such an absurdity. They would, but they won’t. They’re good guys, just like me.
IF there was a three-way match up between Captain Kirk, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris, CN has a definite edge.
Firstly, he’s got all THE FACTS on his side. THE FACTS are a formidable weapon by themselves, and basically negate any argument regarding the possibility of Norris being somewhat inferior to Kirk and T.
Secondly, he’s still got all THE FACTS. No argument.
Thirdly, all THE FACTS are true.
Looks to me like Chuck Norris wins the tournament, as he’s standing right behind me as I post thIN NO WAY COULD CAPTAIN KIRK OR MR. T BEAT ME EITHER INDIVIDUALLY OR IN A TWO-ON-ONE MATCH SIGNED CHUCK NORRIS. TYPE IT AND POST IT. NOW. GET AWAY FROM YOUR KEYBOARD. I’LL HIT SEND.
Kirk vs. T vs. Norris: Battle of the Titans (Part 2)
Mr. T., heh. There’s no one quite like the T-man, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about whether or not he could take out Captain Kirk and Chuck Norris. Tough assignment, to be sure.
T’s strong points:
He don’ take no jibba-jabba from no foo. Kirk takes jibba-jabba from foos, and so does Norris. No one really knows what Mr. T does with that jibba-jabba, and since he don’t take none, my guess is he be give it back right away.
Secondly, he’s got little South Vietnamese flags stitched into his denim vest thingy. Neither Jim nor Chuck could pull that off without embarrassing criticism.
3rd advantage: Mr. T has more merchandise on the market than Kirk and Norris combined. (To keep this a fair competirion, generic “Star Trek” stuff doesn’t count. Has to be Captain Kirk paraphernalia.) There is so much T stuff that I can’t name them all, as they include cartoons, “T” shirts, posters, metal lunch boxes, crayons, cookie jars, bathtub toys, breakfast cereal, toothpaste, socks, underwear, baby spoons, floor wax and snow tires.
Yeah, I know he can punch sharks, but so could Fonzi. Cheez.
Strong suit: Well, HE IS MR. T. He’s got serious in-your-face attitude, and could conceivably turn it up to 11 when facing Kirk or Norris, and get them to back down without throwing a punch.
Mr. T is clearly the winner in the merchandise category. He’s got the wire brush mohawk going for him, and he’s got the foos (Kirk and Norris) seriously pitied.
Because of these strong points, Mr. T is a top-notch candidate for the Big ‘Ol Gold Belt.
[Related posts here and here. Related archive here. Coming up tomorrow: Chuck Norris.]
Kirk vs. T vs. Norris: Battle of the Titans (Part 1)
Let’s start with Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his dilithium-powered toilet plunger with crystalline scrubbing bubbles.
He wasn’t even born when Chuck Norris and Mr. T came along, so there’s a definite age-gap. If Chuck and Mr. really wanted to take him out, they’d have to chase down and crank on Kirk’s present-time direct lineage ancestors. Of course, maybe just taking out a few of Kirk’s ancestors would be enough, and Captain James T. Kirk’s pedigree would be sufficiently damaged to make him a non-combatant by default.
But Kirk has one great advantage: worm holes. He can travel back in time and kick anyone’s butt if he really wanted to. He could conceivably find Norris and T while they were still in grade school, beam them up and drop them off with Flash Basbo on the Planet of the Mind Gobblers. Honestly, I don’t believe Kirk could pull it off. He’s got more integrity than to do something that despicable.
Even if he could, he wouldn’t do it on his own… at least three more have to beam down with him. The guy with the red shirt is gonna eat it (whereupon Dr. McCoy, aka Captain Obvious, will declare “He’s dead, Jim”). The other two are regulars who might be injured, but will eventually be beamed up with the rest of the party and the cadaver’s remains if any.
Armed with his signature “Drop ‘n Roll” all-purpose defensive move, Captain Kirk is definitely a strong contender.
[Image from here. Related posts here and here, and we’ve got a related archive here. Coming up tomorrow: Mr. T.]
Tacky Raccoons 
