Tag: Babe Magnet

The Invisimobile

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Looks like trash from this angle.  BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

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This is just WAY too awesome to criticize.

[Found here, via here.]

Babe Magnet: The Batmoboil

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Whoa.  Batman logo with tinyperkynipples, on a Chrysler Minivan no less.  Let’s all scream, “PARTYMOBILE!”  Bijonce and her sister Charlondra be gonna jump de bones of the driver of this dragon wagon, assuming they can see over the hood to appreciate the majesty of it all.

Of course the neighborhood girls are way underage, and the only way they’d see the attraction is if Bozoman personally lifted them higher than his blood alcohol level x the height of the hood ornament. Fortunately Bozoman can’t, and has to rely on subterfuge to get his prey into the Mommyvan.  Fortunately for Bijonce and her sister, they’re both armed with tasers and the bone-breaking physical paybacks of the self-defense kind.

This conundrum leaves Bozoman with nothing but his two Bozofriends and a couple of quarts of beer.  Since no significant otter, either outside or inside of Bozoman’s Mommyvan, can view the Batmoboil Logo, the only way the lame-o paintjob boosts this embarrassing piece of dorkness to the level of  Babe Magnet is in the mindvapors of Bozoman himself.

[This image from Woosk, related by bastardized ancestry to this post, has been added to the Great Babe Magnet Archive.]

Russki Babeski Magnetski

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Nothing screams “BABE MAGNET” like a genuine Russian NyetMobile painted in puke greeen, with pink and yellow highlights.

Nevermind the exhaust pipes/mufflers/after-burners that keep the rear quarter panel aluminum trim from overheating, and ignore the rear mudflops  an inch above the pavement. (Yes, I called them mudflops.)

What makes this a genuine Babe Magnet is not the tumor growing from the rear boot, nor the tumor monitor mounted just inches away.

It’s not the surfboard rack either, although Comrade Pav’s ride certainly gains some serious Babe Magnetage points there.  Look closer for the REAL love bait… closer… closer…

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Woop! It’s either a lion with it’s paws spewing stinky vapors, or it’s THIS GUY.  You be the judge.

After analyzing the image in detail, we conclude that this vehicle reeks with Pure Efficient Genius,  and thus meets the criteria to be declared a genuine IABM (Instant Awesome Babe Magnet).

[Image from the always excellent HERE.  Don’t miss The World’s Most Amazing Collection of Babe Magnets HERE.]

Babe Magnet: Batbug!

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Some folks take Batman lore very seriously.  And why not?  There are no laws, at least in this country, that forbid rabid BatFannage.  This particular example is very deceiving in that it efficiently transforms the ubiquitous beetle into the ORIGINAL BATMOBILE with relatively little effort.  Yeah, mock it all you want, but then compare it with the genuine item that we’ve provided for your viewing pleasure below:

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Okay, the bottom image is a model of the 1940’s version, but you can’t deny the awesome resemblance.  Therefore, the esteemed panel of judges at TR have voted unanimously to declare the VW Batmobile to be honored as a true and bonafide Babe Magnet.

On the other side of the coin is BatMockage, and here is a prime but innocent example. 7 out of 8 mocked him correctly.  The other one is destined to be an online furnace filter consultant.

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Top Image from this FINE collection of batpoopage
(pronounced, bot’ pu pazh‘). Second image, slightly doctored, from here.  Bottom image from here. Continue reading “Babe Magnet: Batbug!”

Babe Magnet: “Dude, like it’s green and stuff.”

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Been a while since we’ve posted a Genuine Babe Magnet. This isn’t one of them.  Or maybe it is, despite being a non-driveable found POS with flat tires and a nitrogen/nematode power plant to propel it at a top speed of nothing with botanical detritus for the interior finish.

The exterior finish screams San Francisco, due to the 1960’s retro paint job.  Naive college age girls with their effeminate art student boyfriends decorated this, and transformed a recyclable wreck into a recyclable wreck without salvageable parts.  In other words, it’s an urban heap made worse.

This is NOT a babe magnet. It’s nothing more than an elevated canine/feline restroom with a groovy paint job, nominated to be protected as sacred street art by the SanFran Cilly Clowncil.  Haul it away.

[Image Source here. Yep, the Russians found this before we did.  Go figger.]

[Update 26 November 2008: According to loyal reader Julie, an expert on matters such as these,  it’s a Toronto absurdity, not San Francisco as assumed reported. Read her comments in the section for comments section for her comments.]

Zombie Babe Magnet

[This was emailed to TR by Dan S, but I don’t know the original source.  More after the break.]

And Just in case you need to defend yourself, here’s “How to Survive a Zombie Attack.”

Continue reading “Zombie Babe Magnet”

Babe Magnet: The James Bondomobile

Well, what do we have here, but a Pontiac POS that’s obviously in the process of restoration by the assistant manager of the world renowned Cable Car Hotel.   Hmmm.  Babe Magnet perhaps?

Smells like San Fran to me, and since the sun seems to be setting, I’d guess that Assistant Manager Baboso is on the night shift, especially since no sane person would wanna be seen within ten feet of this Babe Magnet in the daylight.  To his credit, though, Ass. Man. Baboso knows how to park on a slope.

By the way, the only other image I found of the Cable Car Hotel is this one:

Maybe the owner of the four-wheeled flounder actually LIVES here.  My apologies to the manager.

[Images from here and here.]

Babe Magnet: WWJD

That’s right.  What Would Jesus Drive?

According to one source, on 25 September 1990, Kelly Murray drove his ball 684.8 yards on the 30-foot wide airstrip at Fairmont Hot Springs, British Columbia, setting a new world record.

Of course, Jesus could drive as far as He wanted, but would hold back a bit so as not to completely eradicate the game.  He plays fair, and it’s not in His temperament to call His Father on the celestial cellphone and say, “Hey Pop! I got a 7:45AM tee-off time.  You mind warping space and time for a microsecond?”

On the other hand, He might just skitter one longways across a water hazard, up the bank, around a sand trap and into the hole instead, only to show that it can be done (and to inspire others to keep perfecting their game instead of yelling “F**K!” after each shot).

So what would He drive?  I’m guessing 150-175 yards with no wind… but He’d clean up with His putts.

[Image from here.]

Babe Magnet: Blew Flamer

Been a while since we had a good Babe Magnet post, and I’d completely forgotten about this one (forwarded by the lovely and talented Jen of Casual Slack several months ago).

What can we possibly say about this excellent example of Babe Magnetage that isn’t intuitively obvious to the casual observer?  More than you might think.

If I’m not mistaken, this Vehicle of Vapidity is a 1989 Nissan 4-dork that was originally silver, until Bonnie Phumph’s little brother Dirk took over the ride when Bonnie left for animal husbandry school in Middlevale last year.   Dirk went on a yellow spray paint rampage.

Puke Yellow Bile is not an attractive color for any Japanese import, so Dirk took it a step further with the LameFlame job.  But of course, just like any proud owner of a newly created Babe Magnet, he couldn’t stop there.  Nope.  He used the rest of the blue dork-spray paint to stencil “Dirk is King,”  “Dirk Rules” and  “Dirk Rocks” in Tolkien runes on the door panels just underneath the windows.

But he didn’t stop there either.  Enter a poor rendition of Marvin the Martian on the left rear quarter panel.  This work o fart just screams “Dirk is a complete moron!”  And just so anyone missed the message, Dork managed to knock off his rearview mirror in the Dairy Queen drive-thru and repaired it with, yep, you guessed it, duct tape.

Pure efficient genius.

[A truly amazing compilation of Babe Magnets may be found HERE.]

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