[Plans above found here.]
Yep. That’s the way the old timers did it, but thanks to modern technology, i.e., the invention of the ballpoint pen, there’s an easier way, the way we did it in HiSkool.
Get a ballpoint pen with a brass ink cartridge, the skinny kind. Cut both ends (as the open end has a lip) with the cutter of your needle-nose pliers. Then with the pliers, make the ends round again. [Figs. 1 & 2]
Take the tube to the sink, and run hot water over it to soften the ink. Blow out the ink to clear the tube, and set aside.
Go find a wire coat hanger with a diameter that fits into the ink tube, and cut a straight section 1-3/4 times the length of the tube.
Now here’s the technical part. With your pliers, bend the wire into an “L” shape, with the longer leg just a tad longer than the metal tube. [Figs. 3 & 4].
Got it? Now put your pliers away and get a thumb-sized piece of carrot. Take the tube and jam the end into the side of the carrot. Pull it out at a slight angle, and you should have a nice little plug in the end of the tube. Now do the same thing with the other end [Fig 5].
Insert the tip of the bent clothes hanger wire into one end of tube, pushing one of the carrot plugs in slightly. Your weapon is now locked and loaded. Hold the tube with your first and second fingers, and push the plunger with your thumb.
By pushing one plug toward the other, pressure builds, and the end plug will shoot about 10 to 15 feet with amazing accuracy. The carrot “bullets” are about 1/16″ diameter x 1/8″ long. Since only one plug pops, you still have one in the chamber, so you only have to re-load another primer plug to fire again.
Aim for the cheek or neck, not the eyes, on an unsuspecting victim ten or more feet away. A quiet pop, a bite of carrot wetness, and subsequent confusion is your reward.
[Next project: Instant Metallic Farts. Remind me.]
“Coon or rabbit. God put them there to eat. When men get hold of animals he blows them up and then he blows up. Fill ’em so full of chemicals and steroids it ruins the people. It makes them sick. Like the pigs on the farm. They’s 3 months old and weighing 400 pounds. They’s all blowed up. And the chil’ren who eat it, they’s all blowed up. Don’t make no sense.”
Tacky Raccoons 
