Gawd I hate posting stuff like this, except that from now on I have a recorded claim as the originator of the first “LOL PEN” post on the internest, just like I can claim authorship of the first post on the internest for Igde Pshat. (Go ask Mr. Google if you don’t believe me.) Some days, I’m just so entirely bitchin’ that I amaze myself. Happens once every 3 to 4 years. Or less. Sometimes. Or not.
[Oh yeah… Happy May Day to all the socialists of the world. You don’t own me either.]
There is something inherently wrong with this picture besides the pre-Herman Munster helmet hairdo. Jerry Mathers and Hugh Beaumont are both missing, for one.
For two, the age difference between Barbara Billingsley and Tony Dow can’t be ignored, even though Ms. B is/was a young middleaged earringed pearl-necklaced high-protruding-cheekboned lookin’ babe. Or not. But there is no question that she had at least ten years of vixen experience on Dow, and had the largest pair of cheekbones on the set.
The “eew” factor kicks in right about now. Okay, stop it. Sorry I brought it up. For you trivia hounds, her TV name was June Evelyn Bronson Cleaver. His name was Wallace.
[Image scanned from the OCR, 29 April 2008, then dolled up a tad.]
[Okay, we’re talking about Definition No. 1 in Webster ‘s Unabridged here. This post is about DOGS AND THEIR CARS.]
“Opal, you hot little bitch! We’re off to the frisbee catchin’ competition, so quit yer yappin’ before I nip you in the hindquarters!”
Looks like Bowzer’s already caught one with his canine carriage of love. Gotta load of Cheese-N-Liver flavored MilkBones in the glove compartment, and a case of rawhide chews in the trunk, with Don Charles’ Singing Dogs, Howlin’ Wolf’s Greatest hits, and the full-length version of George Clinton’s “Atomic Dog” for later in the CD Player queue lineup.
Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay.
[Image from here.]
Beijing, China (Strutts News Services)
Olympic athelete Jorge “El Pedo Blanco” Perez was (posthumously) awarded the Gold Medal, finishing first in the 30 Meter Men’s Flatulence Competition on Thursday.
While hovering near an open flame just past the finish line, Mr. Perez ignited, and launched himself from the arena leaving a bright trail of orange and green sparks. Mr. Perez has not been seen or heard from since, but his memory lives on as an inspiration to all those who follow in his footsteps.
In English, “El Pedo” roughly translates as “Hoverman.” Congratulations, Jorge, wherever you are.
Marysville, Antarctica (Strutts News Services) – United Nations Armed Forces, operating on classified intelligence, captured and detained about two dozen Al-Qaida operatives in New Basra, Antarctica, on Thursday.
United Nations Lance Corporal Lannie Foosers stated, “They were very skittish as we approached, and it was very unusual to find them in uniform. It was apparent that they were training for something big.”
Foosers reported that they surrendered noisily. “Sit down and shut yer fish holes!” he ordered. “I don’t wanna hear another peep out of you!”
In defiance, the detainees responded loudly and in unison, “PEEEEP!” and were immediately released upon their own recognizance. Thanks, UN!
[Image from somwhere deep in here, and yes, I realize that those are not UN Uniforms. All in fun. Tip ‘o the Tarboosh to osage who asked for more penguin pix.]
28 IF (or not).
Featuring “The Long and Winding Rowan.”
Beat the Meatles.
“For the Benefit of Mr. T, there will be a foo who see
dat we ain’t gonna take no mo’ dat jibba jabba
at Bishop’s Gate…”
“One Shlep Beyond…”
[.Gif from GrowABrain, others from here via AmyOops.]
Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Today I am multitasking. (For some bizarre reason that I can’t explain, the name of Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans, keeps popping up).
I had an idea for a bifurcated double-decker bus designed to drive in large drainage tunnels, spiraling all the way through. Although it would definitely need driver and passenger harnesses, who wouldn’t want to go to school in this?
I patted myself on the back for coming up with such a novel and absurd idea.
Then, while doing a Patent search prior to filing one, I found that another smartass beat me to it, and now I’m out of excuses for not mowing the lawn.
[Original undoctored image from somewhere in here.]
Here on the Miracle Mile we have the world’s largest selection of
Large Portly Regular Thin and Long.
“…that’s right. ‘Retro’ is the new hot look this spring. This one is called ‘The Dhow’ for obvious reasons.”
[Image from here.]
Actually, he’s about to start popping pavers, and unless he puts chocks under all four wheels he’s gonna end up in the pool on the other side of the fence.
Still, I wanna hear what THIS sounds like on THAT system. When this guy parks, all conversation stops south of the Aural Assault Vehicle (AAV), unless one is well versed in ASL, or you happen to be a quarter mile away and approaching from the north.
Rain? No worries. Just power it up, hit PLAY INDIE/TECHNO MIX, and raindrops are vaporized into winter dogbreath within a nineteen-foot diameter hemisphere, as the AAV self-propels itself down Interstate 10 on sound waves alone. Pure efficient genius.
Does he have a chance with the babes? Certainly, but in order to score he’s gonna hafta take requests and blast chick music with the volume set at 11. That’s when he risks being pounded into red applesauce by a dozen bikers roaring in from the next county over who don’t have an affinity for Hannah Montana.
Better stick with Hendrix and Steppenwolf, bro.
[Image from here.]
How many wrong predictions about the future of the internest can you find in this Newsweek article from 1995? (Note that someone updated the post in 31 January 2008… what did it say before?)
Quick! Call 911!
Fail. You. Here.
Things that spill from trucks.
Dogs in cars. Nothing else.
Cats in cars. Just to be fair.
Lots of really RED things.
Urban mythbuster SNOPES deBunked.
The worst “50 Greatest Bands” compilation I’ve ever seen; all the wrong ones, and all out of order.
Aussies have always had my respect, but they’ve also puzzled me, until I read this. Now I’m just confused.
Someone else besides me knows who the Stoop Down man is. It’s Chick Willis. Here he is rockin’ out to the sitting dead.
When someone axes me what station I listen to online, I tell ’em either Jango or Seeqpod, depending on my mood. Both are cool. Seeqpod (beta) has a lot of mislabeled and dead links, but doesn’t pester you to sign up like Jango does. They both do the same thing, different ways.
Long tongues. Really.
Did we mention the Popularity Dialer? I thought it was clever, but the FCC shut it down while appeals are being filed.
Forget Waldo. Where’s LEON? He’s here.
[Letterman “whoa” .gif from here.]
Tacky Raccoons 